Am I too soft (childcare worker)

[Astressedmumoftwo]

I got my first child care job in a private nursery recently. I'm not qualified.

I'm generally a quiet and gentle person and I'd say I'm into more gentle parenting with my own kids.

I have been scolded on multiple occasions for picking up and cuddling children ( all aged 2) that are upset and crying, usually because they want their dummy or some other home comfort, and told that I need to toughen up.

Am I too soft?

No, these children are so young and all they want is to feel safe and secure and that's what you're doing for them. I wouldn't want my child in the care of your colleagues, I'm not sure they've got a great understanding of child development.

Oh this makes me so sad 😞 I hate how some nurseries work so military and don't offer cuddles in these situations.

You’re doing exactly as any childcare worker should. I used to work in nurseries and all children were comforted when upset. That’s what their parents are paying for and that’s the kind nurturing thing to do! I would either speak to the manager about your concerns or try to find another job, or both.

I'd hate to think my 2 year old might not be getting cuddles if he was upset. Please keep doing it!

It's lovely that you'll comfort children when they need it- but there does have to be balance. There are a lot of kids vs ratio of adults and, let's be honest, some kids can be much more demanding of time and attention, which takes that away from others.

You can offer comfort as well as distraction; if you're not comfortable with how this is given then please do speak up!

You're in a poor setting. Please dont stop doing what you are doing

that sounds awful - is this specific to this nursery or is it different from where you had your training placements?

No, you're just in the wrong nursery. The staff at my DC's are always hugging and cuddling the kids. Children don't 'toughen up' because they're ignored or treated harshly, instead they gain resilience and self-confidence when the adults around them offer a secure and emotionally available base from which to explore the world.

It sounds like a very poor quality Nursery to me.

Both in its attitude to caring for the children, and in employing unqualified staff.

Wait so what do they want you to do with an upset child instead? Just ignore them and leave them to cry?
I have two children in nursery and if I knew the staff were being told to toughen up and not give my kids a cuddle when they were upset id be really angry.

Some staff just shout "stop that, you're fine" and ignore them

That sounds awful. At DDs old nursery there were always staff walking around holding children, sitting down hugging them etc. If one cried at drop off they would try and distract them.

I'd be looking for a different job.

Oh this breaks my heart! Of course you should be cuddling upset children, they're still tiny and need love and reassurance when they're upset.

In fact one of the reasons I chose our nursery was because when I went to look round I saw staff in all the age groups comforting/hugging/rocking any kids that were upset and I thought it was lovely.

When parents come to look round they are much more soft with the children.

The trouble is you’ve got to find a balance I used to run a nursery and I literally used to do all my paperwork with a child on my hip but the facts of the matter are you have to protect your back for Start and if you’re walking around carrying a child that’s one thing to do it when it’s your kid, different to do it professionally. If you put your back out you can’t do your job so I might be being generous to your employers but it’s possible they are thinking from a health and safety perspective you can’t always be carrying a child around. And brutal as it sounds they do need to get used to their environment and their setting especially as they move through the nursery the ratios increase and you just will not be able to give them the same level of comfort and attention.

I’d rather have someone like you look after my children than someone who shouts “stop it, you’re fine” at them if they’re upset.

You don’t need to toughen up, they need to learn some basic principles about looking after children. If they bring it up again, just say “they’re babies. When babies are upset they need comforting and reassurance”. I know you’re not trained, but seems like the current staff can learn a lot from you....

My little one is struggling to settle in nursery and posts like this make me really sad. Please find a new setting, dont change and be like them.

@Nothappyatwork

The trouble is you’ve got to find a balance I used to run a nursery and I literally used to do all my paperwork with a child on my hip but the facts of the matter are you have to protect your back for Start and if you’re walking around carrying a child that’s one thing to do it when it’s your kid, different to do it professionally. If you put your back out you can’t do your job so I might be being generous to your employers but it’s possible they are thinking from a health and safety perspective you can’t always be carrying a child around. And brutal as it sounds they do need to get used to their environment and their setting especially as they move through the nursery the ratios increase and you just will not be able to give them the same level of comfort and attention.

That actually does sound brutal and extremely sad.

I run a preschool room with a ratio of 1:8. We even still cuddle our nearly 5 year olds. I cuddled a Reception child today because they were really upset.
Your colleagues aren't kind. Children need love and a feeling of being valued. Tell your colleagues to look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Need.
For what it's worth, I've been qualified for over 20 years.