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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move DD to a private school and back a year in to year 10 after the Easter holidays

33 replies

Munichfam5 · 24/03/2022 20:15

DD has struggled at her mainstream school, she is Autistic and is about to take her GCSE's next term but she is hating school and has been upset. She has very few friends at school, feels isolated and she also struggles in classes because they are so big and some of the boys are disruptive i- which she finds very stressful.

So she has said that she would like to move to a private school, that specialises in SEN which is nearby - thjis would mean that she'd go back a year - so she would go into year 10 at the beginning of the summer term...

Her predicted grades are 4's in English and 2''s in her other subjects

I am in favour of doing this but does it sound like a bad idea..?

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 24/03/2022 20:16

Can you afford it?

MooPointCowsOpinion · 24/03/2022 20:18

I’d go for it if you can afford it, I think it’s a bloody tragedy that a child needing specialist provision has to go to private school instead of a decent specialist state school but they’ve been so under funded, half shut down, I think this is your best option.
Fuck the Tories. 🙃

itsstillgood · 24/03/2022 20:20

If the school accepts her, she is keen and you can afford it, it sounds a decent plan to me.

Arcadia · 24/03/2022 20:20

I would do it. Is she young for her year or old for her year?

Dragongirl10 · 24/03/2022 20:20

I would do it.

ThatsNotHealthy · 24/03/2022 20:22

I did this when I was younger. Slightly different circumstances as I had anorexia but I was in year 9 and missed 5 months of school due to being ill. I moved to a private school and went back into year 8 a few weeks before summer. Gave me a chance to make friends and took the pressure off. The smaller classes and tighter knit school helped me a lot. If you can afford it and it’s what your daughter wants I’d do it. Hope it goes well for her 🙂

Duracellbunnywannabe · 24/03/2022 20:26

I would worry about the amount of the courses she has missed. She will have missed 2 out of 5 terms and even if the new school offers the same subjects and the same exam boards they may have chosen different topics. Have you spoken to the new school to find put if they think it is workable?

Original poster
Munichfam5 · 24/03/2022 20:26

Thanks for your responses - yes she is young for her year - she turns 16 end of July.

We have just inherited some money which means we can now afford this option, wish i could've done earlier, but I'm thinking that she's missed so much school - it can only be positive for her to have more time in school

My worry is that DD is saying that she'll have friends at the new school ... ?

OP posts:
danishkids · 24/03/2022 20:27

Wow. I Think your daughter is really mature to express her needs and to care about her exams.

If it is possible for you I would do it.

However considering her autism: how is she will change, will they change and all the new things affect her more? Have you chatted about what will happen if she doesn’t like it more?

Original poster
Munichfam5 · 24/03/2022 20:28

@durracellbunntwannabe - yes that is something i am talking to them about tomorrow - it could be an issue?

OP posts:
Original poster
Munichfam5 · 24/03/2022 20:30

@danishkids - yep that is another worry - we were talking about her transition in to college - which would be visits over a period of nearly 2 months - so this really doesn't allow any transition time - which could be a problem ...

OP posts:
Wondergirl100 · 24/03/2022 20:35

I would do it - I have an autistic summer born daughter and I often wish she could go back a year.

SeasonFinale · 24/03/2022 20:37

If you are moving her to year 10 after easter she will have missed two terms of her gcses (or possibly the whole of year 9 and 2 terms of year 10 as some schools start gcses in y9 for some subjects). Not all schools do the same exam boards or teach the syllabus in the same order so she may not be accepted by the school. Her grades aren't exceptional that would make a school believe she would be able to catch up all the potentially missed learning so I would not get her hopes up until you have checked all this out.

LynetteScavo · 24/03/2022 20:40

Wouldn't it make more sense to stay where she is until the summer and then repeat year 11? It would allow for more transition time and give her two shots at GCSEs .

Original poster
Munichfam5 · 24/03/2022 20:41

@seasonfinale - yep you make a good point .... I need to find all this out

OP posts:
Thewindwhispers · 24/03/2022 20:45

If she’s miserable at school I would definitely move asap. Private will be way better for her. Just check they have space and are happy to accept her, it isn’t guaranteed.

DramaAlpaca · 24/03/2022 20:47

I think that sounds like a very good idea, OP, especially as your DD is keen on the idea.

Headteacher415 · 24/03/2022 20:51

In principle, this seems to make sense particularly as that is what she wants.

Take plenty of time for "due diligence" around what the school is actually like. Specialist schools in the private sector vary massively. There are some out there which ...

(i) are small scale outfits set up on without oversight or real expertise

(ii) take very high needs students and whose needs make take precedence over your daughter's

(iii) take a very wide mix of different needs (including behavioural/exclusions) and can't cater for them all.

Make sure you rule these out and get a real feel for who else is attending the school. Asking how many students are there because they've been excluded would be a good start.

Some, on the other hand, are brilliant and life-transforming.

Every local authority has an SEN parent partnership advisor. Finding and contacting yours to talk this through would give you a real sense of this school, who goes there and other family's experiences.

2bazookas · 24/03/2022 20:52

Having got this far, at this late stage I would let her sit GCSE at her present school next term, using the incentive that she can leave that school as soon as she finishes the last exam, and not go back.

Then move her to the other school. If her exam results are very poor, take the year again. But she might surprise herself with some reasonable results in her stronger subjects. That would boost her confidence, and give her a more positive start to adjusting to a new environment.

She will need that, because though the school might be different, she will be the same person with the same social difficulties.

Original poster
Munichfam5 · 24/03/2022 21:01

@2bazookas - hmmm the 'same person with the same social difficulties' does ring true ... I am wondering if DD thinks that a new school guarantees to bring new friendships ,,,, but as i know from experience - this is a long term difficulty

Why are friendships hard for DD,..? I've been looking through all the paed assesnments, IEP's over the years and its a constant theme.

My DH said if this school solves the issues that DD has he is happy to go for it , but he is worried that we are just moving the problem .

I just think that regardless , giving DD another year in school has got be a positive thing ,.,,, my worry is her transition and her settling into a new school at this stage ....

OP posts:
katcatkat · 24/03/2022 21:03

Quite honestly I would not do it I would let her move to college in September with an appropriate level course. She can get her qualifications without the stressful school environment maybe specialising in a subject she is passionate about. Less social pressure as there are no breaktimes/formtime/ assembly to attend. Qualifications are likely to be more coursework based and classes are often smaller.
My daughter has absolutely thrived with this move but the idea your have planned would have been very wrong.

Original poster
Munichfam5 · 24/03/2022 21:05

But the fact that it is private and has smaller calmer classes with a more extra curricular activities and attention makes me think it will be a positive thing to do..?

The other issue is that i have just submitted an appeal to the SEND tribunal for an EHCP for DD's POST 16's education ,,,,

I need to check , but i am thinking moving schools with this pending might be a problem ..?

OP posts:
katcatkat · 24/03/2022 21:14

I think you need to think on what her long term goals are and the plan are you hoping for a levels and university in which case another year and better gcse results might be the best option but she only need to make a lot of progress in a short amount of time.
Is she looking at a vocational route in which case she could do 3 years in college starting when she is 16 and do a lower level course to get her where she needs to go but if she takes another year in school you might also have to then fund a 3rd year in college if she wants or needs it as she will be to old to get it funded.
School isn't always the best place for girls who struggle with friends and on the autistic spectrum etc the private option looks better but I'm not sure it's not too late now and it would be better to move on.

Original poster
Munichfam5 · 24/03/2022 21:25

@katcatkat thanks for your response - hmmm, yes what you are saying does ring true - I'm not sure that she is going to be doing A'levels or going to university like her brothers, but i guess i just want to give her an extra chance at a good education (a private education?)

Yes, it could be a bit late, but I feel prepared to give it a try ...

Am thinking what @LynetteScavo said might be wise - if i can let her do her GCSE's and then maybe resit year 11 at the new school ,,.?

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 24/03/2022 21:27

Have you checked they'd take her into summer term in year 10? Most private schools I know don't take people part way through the GCSE courses, so she'd need to go to year 9.