Draining friend

[CocktailsAndSun]

I have a friend Who I'm really struggling with.
Ever since I've known her she's dominated the conversations, with her relationship, family and money woes. I've always been supportive and tried to help where I can a while back her woes ramped up and it got to the point where I would get very anxious about seeing her as it was draining me mentally.
I have a lot going on right now myself and my mental health isn't the best - I explained this to her and said I needed a bit of space until I felt better in myself.

She said she understood and gave me one sentence about my troubles till she started saying she really needed a friend right now.
It's got the point where it's stressing me out and I've even argued with my husband over it as he's fed up of me getting upset over it.

How am I suppose to respond to her saying she needs a friend when I really just don't want to see her at the moment?
I just want to relax with my husband and work on my own issues. I need to be a good head space to deal with other peoples problems and I'm just not.
I'm getting very stressed and very unwell with this extra pressure put on me - when her family should be supporting her not me. It's making me feel very resentful and I shouldn't be feeling like this.

She's a crazymaker. I just cut ties with one like this. They will take more and more until they've taken over your life. Don't feel guilty, they crave constant attention. And it's not your place to give it.

Does she call or want to meet up?

Of course you should be feeling resentful - why do you think you shouldn’t?
You told her that you had a lot going on, that your mental health wasn’t good and that you therefore needed a bit of space - and she completely ignored it.
Your husband is right & he’s got your interests at heart. She hasn’t.
She doesn’t want a friend, she wants an emotional sink that she can pour all her endless woes into.
Don’t be that.
Take your break & tell her that’s what you’re doing then don’t reply to her texts.
I guarantee that you’ll feel a weight lifting from your shoulders.

@Speakingofdinosaurs

Of course you should be feeling resentful - why do you think you shouldn’t? You told her that you had a lot going on, that your mental health wasn’t good and that you therefore needed a bit of space - and she completely ignored it. Your husband is right & he’s got your interests at heart. She hasn’t. She doesn’t want a friend, she wants an emotional sink that she can pour all her endless woes into. Don’t be that. Take your break & tell her that’s what you’re doing then don’t reply to her texts. I guarantee that you’ll feel a weight lifting from your shoulders.

This exactly.

Ergh, these people will take and take until you have nothing left. She's selfish and doesn't give a damn about your problems, why do you care about hers? You're well rid.

I know it’s a hard habit to break, but you just have to woman up and say no.

Tell her you are taking a break from social interaction and you’ll see her on the other side.

It doesn’t sound to me like you want to be friends with her, in which case ideally be honest and just say she’s a great person, but you don’t think the friendship is working anymore, so you are going to say goodbye. It’s much kinder than ghosting.

If you do want to keep her in your social circle, than make sure it’s on your terms when you emerge.

“I am your friend. But right now I’m not doing great, I’m really struggling with life, and I can’t be the person you lean on like this. Sorry, I know it’s hard for you, but I’m drowning myself a little and I need to just take a break from other people for a while.”

It sounds as if she’s an emotional drain and has designated you as her support. Friendships are supposed to be give and take. But they don’t always work like this. You really need better friends.

I don't mind staying friends but I would like the intensive behaviour to stop.
I can't give her what she's looking for, I'm a real introvert at the best of times and I just find it so stressful thinking and worrying about other peoples problems that don't even effect me.
I've explained I need my space and I'll give her a shout when I'm feeling better but it still continues.
I've ignored for days at a time and it still happens. I know DH has my best interests at heart and it's not his fault I'm stressed out with it.
I feel like I've gained another child rather than friend at times.

You can't change her behaviour though. Saying that you don't mind staying friends but that you want her to change her ways seems silly considering you've already asked for her to respect your boundaries. She doesn't respect you. Either you continue as you are or you cut her off.

You have to be firm and remember you are an adult with a right to set boundaries which are appropriate for you. You do not need to accommodate someone else’s needs at your own expense. Tell her that you don’t have the capacity to take on any more mental load and you need space so you’ll be in touch when you are feeling better equipped.

@CocktailsAndSun

I don't mind staying friends but I would like the intensive behaviour to stop. I can't give her what she's looking for, I'm a real introvert at the best of times and I just find it so stressful thinking and worrying about other peoples problems that don't even effect me. I've explained I need my space and I'll give her a shout when I'm feeling better but it still continues. I've ignored for days at a time and it still happens. I know DH has my best interests at heart and it's not his fault I'm stressed out with it. I feel like I've gained another child rather than friend at times.

I could have written this. It was all or nothing with my friend, so I had to make it nothing. The constant drama and attention-seeking... She always needed more. Step away.