DP’s mum told us she has cancer - he seemed broken, now he’s fine

[Weekendfromhellll]

Obviously I know he’s not fine. DP received some urgent texts from his mum yesterday asking him to call her. She told him over the phone that she has stage 1 cancer. He broke down on the phone and was devastated and I tried to support him as much as possible. Today he’s been fine all day, and said he just feels ‘meh’ and ‘it is what it is’. DP has a history of depression and I know he doesn’t just think ‘it is what it is’.

My question is: how do I support him with this? His mum is only 50, we’re in our late twenties. Will it come in waves? Any advice?

Stage 1 cancer is generally treated with curative intent....so whilst very shocking and scary.....likely to have good outcomes....I hope this is the case for your MIL

his feelings may just depend on what happens next in terms of the treatment cycle

the fact it’s stage 1 should hopefully be good news

my MIL was staged much later and my husbands feelings just depended on the success (or lack of) any treatment. however on the whole he was positive and hopeful throughout

all the best to you all

Has he done some googling and realised stage 1 is mostly treatable…? Hopefully there will be a positive outcome. 💐

I really hope so! She has some treatment happening next week. I think he’s just struggling to gather his feelings at the moment but I’m trying to be as positive and comforting as possible, thank you x

It’s always scary, but chances are very high she will go through the treatment and be fine. It has been caught early.

Stage 1 should be treatable no? My DM is a similar age to your MIL and me and DH are the same age as you two and my DM has stage 3 cancer. She was diagnosed late summer with stage 2, which we were told was highly likely to be fully treatable with a skin surgery. However this was restaged as stage 3 in winter and now she is having immunotherapy and outcome is a lot more uncertain. Thing is, life for me goes on, your DH is right 'it is what it is'. I still have two young kids to care for, DH still has to work etc etc.

As to how to support him. I dunno tbh other than be there for him, let him talk to you about it when he wants, cuddle him when he cries. That's what my DH does for me, I don't think there's anything else he can do. Maybe some practical support if needed/appropriate e.g. DH took my DM to an appointment once as she doesn't drive (neither do I and I had my baby DS to look after).