To wonder whether this is the gut feeling everyone talks about?

[ladeda02]

I can't say too much because it's outing however I have been seeing somebody for 3 months and the past week I have a gut feeling that I shouldn't trust him.

It's such a strong gut feeling that I feel sad around him and I've often drove home in tears.

Not because he's done or said anything horrible but I just don't trust him.

What the hell is this? I'm not an overly emotional person when it comes to crying but I've got a horrible feeling and I can't shake it!

I have a key to his house and he wants me to meet his parents, do I trust this feeling? Or am I being mad?

What do I say? Or do? I was in a long term relationship before this and he broke up with me so I feel like I don't know what to do in this situation? Help!

The relationship clearly isn't making you happy, whatever the reason. Time to go.

Strange, how have things been up until now? Can you describe what he’s like around you etc?

Can you think of anything, however small, that has changed in his behaviour or manner towards you?

I’ve ignored my gut feeling on 2 occasions, both times I actually told myself I was being completely irrational and talked myself into ignoring it.

On both occasions I found out later down the line I should have trusted my gut.

He has been lovely to me.

However, I don't think he "gets" what having depression and anxiety is like. I have these and I feel like I spent a few days a bit anxious the other week and he was quite "off" with me, not very attentive, didn't try and ask about it or see if I was okay.

About 6 weeks in, after having drinks with his friends and their partners, messages came through from a girl on his phone whilst he was showing me a video which were flirty.

He said he was serious about me and would cut this off. I haven't seen anything pop up on his phone since, although he could have notifications turned off.

I was in a 10 year relationship before this (we got together when I was 19) and the last couple of weeks, he's been trying to contact me to work things out.

This guy was the love of my life and I was heartbroken when he ended it (he said we'd grown apart). He was safe, never gave me any reason to doubt him, never cheated, never made me cry.

Maybe I'm pining for him still? I don't know, I'm all messed up.

I just feel very deflated around him the past couple of weeks but he's had me a key cut, arranged a weekend away to see his parents (they live 5 hours away) and suddenly I feel like I'm in quick sand. Everything is telling me to go.

Obviously the whole texting this other girl thing isn't an issue because we were 6 weeks into dating, we never said we were exclusive.

He has a neighbour who works in a certain profession, she drops him round items from this profession that she gets for free. She's young and pretty. Maybe I'm feeling insecure? I've never ever been like this.

I suspect the messages from the girl are what’s caused you to feel this, to a large extent. I would feel uneasy about someone still getting flirty texts three months in too. It just doesn’t sit right if you are at meeting the parents stage.
And he hasn’t met your needs when it came to your depression and anxiety. Three months in is honeymoon period territory- I’d never tell anyone what do do with just a snapshot online, but don’t ignore your gut feelings, and don’t be chivvied along with keys cut and grand gestures.

It doesn't sound as if you're ready for a new relationship OP.

Agree with @Wrinklepicker

Do you have the general feeling that he might have one eye elsewhere (not saying he does or doesn't), first the texts (I get you weren't exclusive but not nice to see), then the neighbour popping in. Is this a regular thing/ does he mention her a lot?

This, coupled with him not responding brilliantly when you could've done with support.

With me, one hint of eyes elsewhere and my gut is screaming at me. Tbh, it's been proven right and wrong in the past but probably more right.

What are you thinking about the ex?

Maybe he thinks your depression/anxiety are excuses for you backing off, not being so jolly, hence not giving much support. At 3 months in, you don't know each other very well really.
However, he's given you a key and wants you to meet his parents, so that sounds positive.

This other bloke could well be a red herring. How long ago did you split? Why has he got in touch now?

You said you don't know why you have this gut feeling but have gone on to explain. You don't owe either of them a relationship.

@gamerchick

It doesn't sound as if you're ready for a new relationship OP.

I agree. Is he/it just a bit too much of an effort after your comfortable ltr? Don't overthink it. Just move on

Go with your gut feeling as I wished I had done years ago and would have save me so much stress and emotional abuse but was love bombed and after been single out of choice for many many years I did not know that is what he was doing. It is early days and if you are feeling uncomfortable I would call it off as it all seems a bit fast him cutting a key for you and meeting the parents could be his way of offering a false sense of security. Spend time single and learn to be happy in your own skin and build your self belief and confidence and look up boundaries etc. He does not seem to have much empathy either. How long have you been separated from your long term partner. Could you meet up for a coffee and talk maybe some time. But do not rush into that either. I would spend bit time alone and you never know things could work out with ex partner but I would take things very very slow and do not give everything to anyone when in a relationship. Keep up your own interests/friends etc so if it falls apart you still have all of that.

Also being in a relationship is over rated. Learn to be self reliant so a relationship in the future adds to your happiness and does not cause you stress or worry. Use this time to build yourself up, reconnect with friends, hobbies. I love being single and am staying that way as feel more at peace in myself and secure and am at an age could not be arsed with all the drama dating seems to bring.

@ladeda02
Please always trust that innate ''Gut feeling''.

I had it with a bloke I'd met, right at the beginning.
Mentioned it to a friend, and yet 'Overrode it'.

Wish to goodness I had listened to it.

I'd have spared myself a load of hurt and trauma that took over a year to process.

Always always listen to it.