DH and I have been together for 15 years. His family have always seen me as the women who stole him away (so much back story here but avoiding details) I moved in with him things began to become so obvious to their jealousy that they regularly tried to break us up. MIL is very manipulative and controlling (if she can be) is a complete liar even about ordinary stuff, she will make it up as she goes kinda thing. SIL is the exact same as MIL (think two peas in a pod)
Fast forward (pre children) the way they treated my DH (and me) was absolutely disgusting we went fully NC for around 7 years. Children come along and slowly we allowed contact and meeting the children. Contact is not exactly often we don't live close to one and other however since this inital "let's move forward" meeting the vibe I get from them is the exact same as the past. We've been in contact for 3 years now, our children know them and feel cutting contact would be spiteful because of course it's not their fault that side of the family are Jeremy Kyle.
DH isn't much bothered and I have always left contact up to him entirely. I dont have much to do with them unless I really have too but its all just fake and really grinds my gears and its irritating me alot now.
I did really trust things had changed and we all moved on with it and the manipulation but my gut feeling is that their still the same. We are NC with FIL because he is a total wrongun and won't ever know his grandchildren (for good reason)
I tried to make effort and engage but the more I did the worse of a feeling i got about their intentions so I backed away fully. I'd say I'm a brilliant judge of character and their not truly nice people who are only out for themselves, now saying this all three of our DC like them enough for me to know they would be sad if there was suddenly NC or a spoken word about them. Do I try again or trust my gut in staying well out of it, away from them and also limiting the contact with our DC as much as possible? AIBU?
I've never allowed my children to know my feelings towards them, always been polite in front of them whilst around them OR over a phone call. I kinda feel bad that my DH let them in for the children's sake and nothing has changed and I know many things MIL is doing that's annoying him too. I've always loved the idea of having a close relationship with a potential MIL but mine is just so fake and two faced it was doomed from the start sadly.