To put thought into a gift instead of money?

[IEatChocolateForBreakfast]

If I get someone a gift I always put some thought into it. Whether big or small. I think - would the person enjoy this? Does it look nice? Etc. My neighbour did us a favour recently, so to say thank you I went out today looking for - box of chocolates or some flowers. Didn't want to spend more than £10-£15 really as it was just a little gesture to say thanks. I went to our local M&S but their boxed chocolate selection was severely lacking and I didn't see anything I liked that would have been suitable. Even the £15 just didn't look like it was that great or worth the £. I ended up buying a very pretty (but small) spring bloom bouquet for £6. I thought maybe I could just add a box of LINDT chocolates along with it, but tbh I think the flowers would be sufficient as they do look really nice.

I got home and my husband was annoyed and shocked that I'd spent £6 on the flowers (he's a cheapskate when it comes to flowers and many other things) and had said he would have rather bought them a bottle of wine for £10. Husband doesn't drink and I don't know my wines at all. But I do know that our neighbours really enjoy their wine, so much so that they buy their favourite by the case. I told him that I didn't want to get a cheap bottle of wine and it be no good, especially because they know and enjoy a good wine. He got annoyed because he said at least it would be a nice gesture and that sometimes "it's just the thought that counts" but I don't see that as putting much thought in at all.

AIBU to actually spend my time and energy into thinking about a gift that the recipient would enjoy, even if it's not spending much, or would it be better to give someone a higher value gift even if they don't necessarily want or like it?

Yanbu. If I was the neighbour you’d described I’d rather have the flowers. I think tailoring the gifts you buy is the nice/right thing to do.

Im with you. "Its the thought that counts" really implies you should think about these things.

If I was your neighbour I'd be thrilled with the flowers. Mine gave me shortbread to say thank you for a small favour and I was really pleasantly surprised to get anything at all - it genuinely was just nice that they'd thought to do something beyond just saying thank you. Maybe I'm just easily pleased

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Im with you. "Its the thought that counts" really implies you should think about these things.

The people who say 'it's the thought that counts' are generally the ones who don't seem to have a working brain at all. It's usually combined with 'well I like it..'

I wouldn't ever buy someone who likes wine a bottle of wine. Unless I knew the exact kind they liked, because someone who really likes and appreciates wine can't really be given a cheap bottle. They wouldn't enjoy it.

My partner and I are like your neighbours - we like good wine. If you gave us a cheap bottle that wasn’t to our taste it would just end up going to waste although we’d appreciate the thought.

Your flowers though would be greatly enjoyed!

Tbh chocolates and flowers nice though they are , are not a particularly thoughtful gift , yanbu about the wine

@hulahooper2

Tbh chocolates and flowers nice though they are , are not a particularly thoughtful gift , yanbu about the wine

No, you are correct. They're not particularly thoughtful in terms of uniqueness. But for the budget and appropriateness of the situation they were suitable. I went to the shop and carefully looked at all of the options, sifted through the flowers found the nicest and prettiest of bouquets with the most closed blooms. So in that sense I did put some thought into it. Buying a bottle of Yellow Tail (which I actually genuinely like) would have just been lazy IMO

I think wine, chocolate and flowers are all at about the same level when it comes to thought put in etc, they're all a pretty standard 'thank you' gift, which one someone would prefer depends on what they like personally (which you can't always know if not someone close to you). For all your DH knows, they may be teetotal so wine wouldn't be wanted. I don't think either of you is being unreasonable, just having different ideas about what you'd like given the situation. I'm sure the neighbours will recognise the gift as a nice gesture whatever it is.

Flowers are a good gift because even if the neighbours don't like them they don't sit around forever gathering dust.

I like wine a lot but I am particular about what types of wine I drink. Guests often bring wine that I don't like. I smile and thank them and if they don't drink it themselves it goes straight into a box in the garage to be donated to the church bottle tombola.

But £10 on a bottle of wine isn't a small amount? You can get a very very nice bottle of wine for that. Imo as a wine buff I'd prefer a wine than a bunch of flowers that will end up in the bin.