Childcare changes

[YoungSheldon]

AIBU to think this isn’t my responsibility?

I’ve worked part time for a few years because of health care issues. I’ve looked after my nephew one day a week since he was born. He’s now 3.

I’ve recently been offered a full time role which I’ve accepted. Since telling my sibling I’ll no longer be able to commit to the one day of week childcare, I’ve been called selfish, told I should have waited until he started school before changing arrangements and that they can’t find another suitable arrangement.

AIBU for thinking I’ve given them 3 years of help with free childcare and shouldn’t put my own life on hold because of someone else’s responsibility? I’m starting to feel like I’m making things difficult for everyone and just need some outside perspective!

Your sibling is being completely unreasonable.

They are incredibly lucky that you have helped them up to now.

Wow that’s horrible. You have been amazingly generous with your time and probably saved her a couple of thousand.

Yanbu. You've been lovely & generous.

Your sibling may be stressed but is also totally unreasonable, unless you only gave them an hour's notice.

Wow. That has been a very kind thing to do and no, you're not at all unreasonable in the slightest for taking on a full time role. At 3, depending on your sibling's set up, is when the free 30 hours kicks in for a lot of parents anyway.

Some people just don't realise how lucky they are. They should be out buying your thank you gifts.

Totally not unreasonable, you’re not their parent and you’ve been incredibly kind to do what you’ve done already. I’d be pointing that out in my reply!

How much notice have you given them, did you indicate to them you were seeking full time employment. Whilst yes they have had 3 years of your support and you are completely entitled to work full time, it's very hard to find childcare at short notice so I can see why she's panicking. It's really not necessarily about money, it's more about availability

YANBU at all. They’ve been incredibly fortunate to have benefited from the help you’ve given over the last 3 years and they are being really entitled. Good luck in the new position OP.

@gogohm

How much notice have you given them, did you indicate to them you were seeking full time employment. Whilst yes they have had 3 years of your support and you are completely entitled to work full time, it's very hard to find childcare at short notice so I can see why she's panicking. It's really not necessarily about money, it's more about availability

I do understand it’s difficult, but also feel it’s not my responsibility to be ‘available’ for a child that I haven’t chosen to have.

They did know I was applying for jobs and I gave them notice as soon as I’d heard that I got the job that I would no longer be available to do that day.

The only alternative would be for me to not take the job and stay looking after him until he started school, but that leaves me losing out and they’re not going to offer to make up my wages to full time. The job isn’t going to wait a year for me to start. And I honestly don’t see why I have to sacrifice so much for another persons child.

I’m glad most people agree I’m not being unreasonable, I was starting to feel awful about taking the job.

YANBU, your sibling certainly is though.
Of course there are alternatives, your sibling just doesn't want to pay for them (I assume you've been doing it for free). How ridiculous to expect you not to accept a full time job because someone wants you to babysit ONE day a week.

YANBU.

But equally, they've relied on you for three years and are, understandably, now in a panic because they don't know what they'll do on the day you used to cover.

I suspect their reaction is more worry than genuine anger at you. Childcare is expensive and you can rarely find a spot for a day a week with short notice.

Yanbu

Did your tell your sibling that you were looking?

There should always be another option. My family member takes care of my son one day a week but if they said they couldn't do it anymore, I'd make other arrangements. Yes I'd be a bit bummed but I wouldn't take it out on them.

2 people I know have been given 1 month notice by childminders. Yes it is stressful for them and they are worried, but they shouldn't be telling you not to take the job!

So instead of being happy you're fit enoygh to go back to work they call you selfish? Nice. I get they're stressed but they can be stressed without being unfair to someone who has helped them and saved them a lot of stress and money. YANBU

No, not your responsibility. I'm thinking of childcare as my baby is 2 months, there's no way I'd ask my sister to do that without paying her! You're selfless, not selfish.

Your sibling is a spoilt brat! You have taken care of her child for free, and now you want to be employed yourself and be paid for it, he/she thinks YOU are being selfish? The kid is 3, he gets free nursery time! All the best in your new job!