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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Left my babies abusive dad..now going through courts, will I ever find peace and happiness again

4 replies

Newmum1998 · 24/03/2022 14:02

Just posting on this thread since it’s popular.
Finally left my babies abusive father when our son was just 6 months old. I fell pregnant quickly in to our relationship and from that point on it was pretty much hell. I finally had the courage to leave for good back in November but I didn’t report him to the police. The only physical thing he ever did to me was push me a few times when he was angry with me and I didn’t think I would be able to prove all that he had done to me mentally to the police. Well, after 3 months of him making my life a nightmare through our child after we split I went to see a lawyer. The lawyer advised I stop all contact with him and report him to the police. I did, and they have put his behaviour towards me and our son down as causing psychological harm. They’re going to arrest him and charge him with a few things. Also, it turns out he has previous convictions already from things he has done to previous girlfriends. The police and HV can only tell me so much but I know there are similarities between what he has done to his exes and what he did to me. I’m scared of all the things he is going to say about me and going to court...it keeps me up at night with worry.
I was just hoping people who have been through a similar experience or know anyone who had if you can share some positive stories. I just want to be able to enjoy life again and enjoy my baby! I just feel really quite down about things a lot, I’m trying to remain positive but I can’t believe this is who my babies father is. I hope I haven’t ruined my child’s life, his dad still wants to be apart of his life and I’m scared of the damage he might cause him, If I had known about his past I would never have gone near him in the first place! Never mind have a child with him. Obviously I never really knew him in the first place and this is really my fault...
I used to think I was clever and wouldn’t put up with being treated badly by a man believe it or not ! Now look at how my life has turned out.

OP posts:
Mumofsend · 24/03/2022 14:15

Oh yes. 5 years ago. Myself and my DC are absolutely thriving now. I'm still too scared for a new relationship because I lost trust in my judgement but after we got through criminal and family court I could finally rebuild.

It seems bleak now but one foot in front of the other. You are doing amazingly.

Nothingsfine · 24/03/2022 16:41

Yes you will live a happy life. You've made the strong choice and you deserve peace and happiness. Just give it time and don't rush into another relationship (not meant in a patronising way) but from my own experience, the years I spent getting to know myself after leaving a terrible relationship were the most valuable and have made me the person I am today.

DoubleGauze · 24/03/2022 16:57

Yes. You will. I'm 15 years ahead of you , but know how impossible it all feels but all will be well. Just be calm and consistent , and give yourself a huge pat on the back for being strong enough to get away!

In my situation the children are almost grown up now and don't have anything to do with their father anymore. Completely their decision.

DoubleGauze · 24/03/2022 16:58

Also op , none of this means you are not clever. Don't put yourself down.

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