AIBU (bly) upset of dd's tattoo

[CheesePlantMurderer]

My daughter has had a tattoo and has included my own mothers DOB as part of it. My mum is very much alive and well btw if that's relevant!

She told me she was doing so, I didn't challenge it as it's her body etc

But now it's done I feel quite hurt she didn't even consider for one second to have anything to do with me as part of it.

I'll not comment or make any form of fuss. Just wondered if I'm being weird about it.

Full disclosure she's been difficult since puberty and isn't close to me or her dad (or my mum unless she wants something) or indeed her siblings. Saddens me and I try hard to engage etc but it's just how she is.

[quote CheesePlantMurderer]@incognitoforthisone I didn't say the positives no, I realise this. It wasn't that kind of post? I didn't feel anyway. More about the tattoo and my feeling uncomfortable about it. Which I don't even understand tbh! Yes - she is a young adult.

But I could add she works very hard and has done very well in her chosen career already and she has a great, if exceptionally dry, sense of humour. She's not a warm person, physically shies away from affection etc. a complete contrast to the funny, affectionate, loving child she was - and yes I've over analysed this and asked for help/advice and there's nothing anyone can identify other than puberty to have caused the change.

She is a pretty negative person generally and likes to create conflict from thin air. She hasn't formed any meaningful friendships or relationships so far in her life.

I'm the opposite of this, so I guess she's more like like her dad in that respect - he's not confrontational but he has no family or friend relationships at all and struggles to show love. I figure she's still finding her way as an adult, all I can do is try and guide her and offer advice on the rare occasion it's asked for.

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@CheesePlantMurderer Thanks, I do get where you're coming from and I can totally see why you find the whole situation hard. especially as it sounds as if she really isn't very happy and maybe doesn't like herself very much, deep down. That's really hard for any parent to see.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things and being there for her when she does need you. Like you say, maybe she's just still finding her way - fingers crossed.

(And there's always laser treatment if she comes to regret the tat!)

@incognitoforthisone absolutely horrible seeing a child like this.

I have tried to help, but everyone around us has told me to just leave her to it.

Its very sad, I do hope she finds her way, she doesn't always make the best choices but nor did I at her age!

I did draw the line, rightly or wrongly, at her setting up an Only Fans account though!

I think that would definitely be something she would regret as she is excelling in an industry that is still very highly male orientated.

@Jumperlark

Call me cynical but I bet it wraps into a story she tells people about how much she loves her grandma/was practically raised by her/parents are awful and don't care about her.

I feel like young people compete over how awful their parents are (regardless of reality), and get tattoos to show people something 'deep'.

I only just saw these replies I'm so sorry

My mum has lived 3+ hours away for 30 years. She's a fantastic woman who's been career driven and a fabulous role model for me. But no way has she brought up my kids 😆
I can see how it could wrap into that though despite the distance.
Kids!!

@Branleuse

Thats sad that you feel she isnt close to anyone in the family and is cold and emotionless. She clearly wanted to reference her grandmother though. I think you should just tell her its a nice tribute to her grandma and then just dont mention it anymore. Its not that weird. Sounds like her feelings towards her nana might be stronger than you think

Thank you. Maybe they are. I don't know. One of our close relatives called it cupboard love. I don't like to think of my kids like that but my daughters fit the bill. I like to think if I'm in mums financial position when a grandma I'll do the same...

Meh. It's something she wanted. I would try not to take it too personally. I'm very heavily tattooed but I'm not keen on family names/DOB tattoos I have to say. But it obviously means a lot to her.