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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

House renovation nightmare and other annoyances

7 replies

SillySausage25 · 23/03/2022 19:27

We bought a house 1 year ago and thought nothing needed doing. How wrong were we!!

It's all turned into a bit of a nightmare and part of this is due to me realising that I can not work alongside my DH.
In the beginning it was me contacting all the traders, making all the arrangements in a 30 minute dinner break (we both work full-time, me in the office and him at home). I had to tell him in the end and give him some responsibility which he did. Now it's just little things like - he isn't organised so is often dashing off to the DIY store for things forgotten in the middle of a job, he put all his tools etc on the dining table with no cloths to stop the scratches etc, he has lent something against our brand new fridge freezer that caused a dent in it. Last week he was working hard putting new architrave on until I had to tell him that he can't do that until the new floor is laid as it needs to go under the architrave. Today he has been off work and when I came back from work he has painted a part of the skirting board. This had been previously covered by an old radiator but this was removed this week. I told him previously that I hadn't prepped it as the radiator was in the way. It was obvious I hadn't and it was a mess with peeling paint showing previous varnish and it needed filling etc. What has he done! just painted over it and when I told him that it hadn't been sanded, primed etc he just says 'oh, thought you'd done it'. It's a right mess and more work to rectify.
Paint peeled on one wall we were emulsioning so I took it off and sanded etc. He slapped the paint on that thick that it's cracked and peeled and it all needs doing again, another large time-consuming job. I just can't work with him and I am so frustrated I could cry. I don't know whether it's just not his calling or whether he is lazy and just can't really be arsed. I don't want to carry on anymore and keep dreaming of selling the house and walking away. We try to get most of the work done at the weekend but I am always the first out of bed, get my DD breakfast and organised and then I get changed and crack on all whilst he is in bed. He normally comes down a good hour or so after when I am getting on with a job. This is really getting to me too. Don't get me wrong, I am not always up at the crack of dawn but when you know its the only way it will get finished you have to get on with it. I just don't know what to do and I am on the verge of doing nothing and downing my tools but what will that achieve?
Another thing is that 1 day a week in the evening I attend an online course. I discussed this with him and he was like 'go for it'. He then decided that he wanted to attend a gym class. Fine, I thought,why not? But it's on the same night as my course. This has made it really difficult for me because I still have a tea to cook, pots to clear away etc and I have to get this done before my course starts.
Then, whilst I was on the course, my DD kept interrupting because she usually goes in the shower and needed help. I just kept missing loads and when I raised this with my DH he just said 'well don't give her a shower that night then'. He has done the same to me tonight and I have only just finished cooking etc and rushed to get myself setup for my class and I was late so I haven't attended. Instead I am moaning to you lovely people. Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
Ikeptgoing · 24/03/2022 00:41

Definitely listened
Have no advice bc it hits sounds so tough
Your DH is one of those that creates work as he half does things badly ShockConfused

Deep breaths
I bet other lovely MNers come along with a plan but really wanted you to know that yanbu to feel fed up

It will pass... things will get done (mostly organised by you in the end....) .... and DH will be lucky if he survives whatever "Just stop will you?!" meltdowns you may end up having

SpacePotato · 24/03/2022 01:23

Him deciding he suddenly needs to go the gym on that particular night isn't a coincidence is it.

MintJulia · 24/03/2022 02:10

On the decorating, my dsis and bil have been married 45 years. Six months after they moved in together dsis banned bil from doing any decorating at all because he made such a pig's ear of it. Doesn't think or prep. Cuts corners, leaves things looking a mess etc.
Ever since, dsis does decorating, bil cooks/sorts washing & ironing while she paints.
She says if they had carried on trying to co-decorate, she'd have buried him under the patio by now. But the paving slabs would still have been level. Smile

You need to find a way to split the work that causes less frustration. What does your dh do well?

SillySausage25 · 24/03/2022 07:50

@SpacePotato Ibthink he is selfish and just wants to do what suits him. I took the course because I sometimes struggle with anxiety and thought it would help doing a course with other people. He just decided that he wanted to do something too but it didn't have to be on the same night. It would have been such a help if he was here, helping out so I am not turning up to my course in a rush and then being distracted throughout it! I guess I am just fed up with the house and these other things are adding to it. I am up now, seen to my DD breakfast and myself and he is still in bed! The house renovation is just another example of this. He is good at some things but not without me pushing or asking or organising and I feel like I am babysitting.

OP posts:
AllOfUsAreDead · 24/03/2022 08:07

He's being an inconsiderate arse, or your husband is beyond thick. I'd ask him outright which it is. I've done that to my partner before, he kept knocking his drink on the floor because he kept putting it in front of the chair, which was a recliner, and then knocking it when reclining. After the third time of staining the carpet, I just went 'do you just not give a shit that you're ruining the carpet that cost a lot or do you only have an iq of 3?'. He stopped doing it after that.

It's one or the other, don't care or stupidity. He sounds more like he doesn't care, damaging the new fridge, the table, doing a bad job on things, not getting up at the same time as you and then buggering off so he doesn't have to look after his daughter while you do a course. You're not equal partners and won't be until you have it out with him. And even then it might not work, might either need to do everything yourself or leave him.

Ikeptgoing · 24/03/2022 13:09

I just wonder how DH would feel if you treated something important or his like this and slightly damaged it. Like put your bike / kids bikes against his car instead of away in the garage ? Or got boot polish over a few of his clothes from laundry / against bowl of bleaching dish cloths or something similar as you "stored something badly" or didn't put it away.

Enough to irritate him

Then you say... "ah usually I am careful about putting things away but since you don't care to and have been damaging the house/ important stuff to me, I see it doesn't matter. So I'm not bothering either with what I do. It's either equal or it's not DH. You ruin my stuff and I won't take care with yours either..." Wink

SillySausage25 · 24/03/2022 13:18

@Ikeptgoing well that would be worth a try. I wished I had never moved. I thought this would be an adventure but its just becoming a massive headache! I just can't work together with him and I have never had an issue like this before. He leaves jobs half done, he never really puts himself out to get anything done. He does what he wants really but makes it feel like he is giving his all. I can't explain it right.
It's mostly the house but because I am frustrated it's seeping out into other areas of my life.

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