What would you do if you were me?

[Dancingmoonlight]

I’m 29, and I’ve become single recently in the most brutal way possible really, partner was having an affair with a colleague from work, police officers so every day together that I found out about end of Jan.

I’m now at a short of what to do with myself. I have a full time job, which I’ve managed to keep. I’ve had to move back in with my mum. My friends are really in different places to me, some married, a lot of them have babies, are expecting and it feels like everyone is getting engaged too.

Ex has completely disappeared off the face of the planet which is a relief given that he is a piece of shit but I find myself feeling so lost.

To make matters worse I gained 3 stone during our relationship, and while he’s moved on, I feel like I’ll need to shift it to even start dating again and be comfortable.

I guess my question is lovely mumsnetters, what would you do to move yourself forward if you were me?

Pick up a new sport / hobby like climbing. Meet new people, get exercise and confidence. Have fun without the ex.

If I were you I would focus on me for a while...go to the gym or a class each week. Find a new hobby where you can get out a socialize. I would also try to get my own place just for me if finances allowed. 🙌

Buy a horse all your time money life will be tied up with it i swooped my bf for a horse last year it was the best choice - only slightly joking 😬

So sorry to hear this. You've had a lucky escape but it might not feel like that as you're hurting. She's a fool for being with someone who can so easily lie and cheat on their partner.

Anyway please give yourself time and patience. Don't rush anything but if you want to lose weight, think about small steps you could take.

@Philisophigal same same went to see Bear same day he left and here we are blissfully happy one year on. @Dancingmoonlight also get some time learning to really know yourself what do you want I wish I had realised at 29 that I was no good for the long haul am quite selfish determined and don’t suffer fools would if saved me alot of time - he has done you a favour ♥️

I’d get in the gym (for you, not to win him back) and I’d save hard for my own home.
I find independent women really inspiring.

Focus 100% on yourself, try not
To give your Ex too much head space.

if you want to loose couple of stones, get a personal trainer in your nearby gym, they should be able to help you regarding exercises & diet.

Think down deep on what you really enjoy doing. Is there something you’re really passionate about?

Echoing PPs. I'd join the gym, cook myself healthy meals, spend time with friends. Focus on saving to buy a house. Enjoy some time being single.

Stop wallowing. Pick yourself up. You’ve had a huge shock, but you definitely haven’t become single in the ‘most brutal way possible’; in fact, you’ve had a lucky escape. Imagine if you were married or had kids with this scumbag. You’re 29 and have supportive people around you. That’s a great position to be in. Forget him. Focus on you now. Hobbies. Social life. Sport. Have fun ffs. He ruined the last phase of your life, don’t let him ruin the next one.

Really good advice on this thread. Use the time at your Mum's to save for a deposit. Find a new hobby or restart an old one you used to enjoy, especially ones with a team or group element. Join a walking group. Have a great future without cheating EXDP in it.

I would focus on myself. Be that starting a new hobby , looking for a new job, getting fit, whatever but start facing forward and doing things that you want to do that make you happy.

Also really good opportunity to increase/start savings.

Lots of people do things like journaling which I think can be useful when at a low point in life. It can help focus your thoughts and also give you something to look back on to see your progress.

In time, I promise you you'll see this as a gift. I speak from experience. Go and do some different things - women's groups are great for these: rock climbing, camping, hiking. Learn a language. Enjoy your friends' happiness. Yours will come. Wallow when you need to, just not for too long at a time. Take it easy, the weight will just go with your new life. You've lost the dead weight already!