AIBU to refuse to look after this house any longer?

[BlueLorryYellowLorry]

My Great Aunt has dementia and went into a care home last January. She has one son who lives in Canada,

I've been checking in on the house once a week, dealing with mail and giving it a bit of clean now and again. I said that I'd do this until he could get over here. I've also been doing various things for his Mother, admin, buying things for her, visiting and attending meetings.

He's supposed to be visiting in May and the plan was that he'd visit, see his Mother and sort the house out either selling it or renting it out. Now he thinks he'll wait until the end of the year before deciding what to do with it. He asked me to keep looking after it but I don't want to. It might not seem much but it's a four bedroom house half an hour away and I've had enough.

AIBU to say that I've done enough?

Not unreasonable at all. Does insurance cover a house empty that long?

I don't understand why you're cleaning an empty house. What's the point. Likewise surely the mail can be left two or three months without any serious consequences. Just don't bother going. Nothing will happen.

If it's empty it can't get very dirty. If it was me I'd pop in every couple of months for 20 mins just to check everything's OK but it's entirely up to you.

I found with my mum, insurance OK but damage from water leaks not covered unless someone was checking weekly. I just turned the water off.
Sounds like he is just ducking seeing his mum in a demented state.

Stop bothering.
Inform her son that you cannot do this anymore.
You don't need to give any excuses.

He needs to come back.

As long as you keep sorting the house out , he'll think he has no immediate need to come back.

Tell him you can find him a cleaner if he likes, and you’ll pop in once a month for a visual check/mail sort, but you can’t carry on doing what you were.

Could he not appoint someone to deal with the house, like a managing agent or something? It’s very good of you to have helped so much, but he needs to sort things out himself and not keep relying on your good nature.

Oh gosh, I left my dad’s house for six months while it was being sold. I arranged for someone to cut the grass and gave neighbours my contact details.

He can set up mail forwarding via the Royal Mail website, if there's still mail arriving that is actually important. Though you'd think by now he'd have dealt with this and informed the senders about the change of circumstances and asked them to email him - assuming he has POA.

As for you, @BlueLorryYellowLorry, I'd step right back. Because otherwise you risk being lumbered with dealing with the house and it's contents, and potentially much else (probate?), once your great aunt dies.

Its !!!!
Bloody autocorrect...

Tell him you’ll stop at the end of March.

He’s a cheeky fucker.

Well, he couldn't have come over with COVID restrictions anyway, but I think you need to stop and tell him to find a local professional service.

Once a week should be fine anyway. Were you close?

My late fils house insurance stated the house had to be checked every x number of days (I can't remember if it was every week or every month) otherwise the insurance would become invalid.
Your cousin is being a cheeky so and so expecting you to clean the house every week, so I would stop doing that, and I would speak to him about your issues having to check the house and the other issues you have. I wonder if there is an agency or something that could do that, for a fee? Or maybe through a solicitor?

YANBU. You've done more than enough. He needs to sort it himself or pay someone (agent) to handle it for him.

I would do nothing more. He can either leave it, pay someone or come over here to sort it. He’s a CF

Who has Power of Attorney for your great aunt? If it is her son, then he should be taking charge of arrangements.

Does he not have to sell it to pay the care home fees?

He needs to pay someone to look after the house. Tell him you only expected the arrangement to last till may and you can’t commit to doing it any longer. Ask him who you can give the keys to

Has he offered to pay you? Would you do it if he reimbursed your petrol and time?

I think it would be a good idea to decrease your input and make yourself unavailable.

If he eventually decides to rent it you could end up dealing with agents or tenants.

As per @longtompot - my FIl's empty house had to be checked every so often for the insurance , during winter months the heating had to be left on at a low temp but to make sure pipes did not freeze etc. Between 2 siblings and nice neighbour we managed it but as for cleaning - I think your cousin has to employ someone to do this & it may not be onerous as the house is empty. Also I think it is up to him ( assuming he is able to ) to get the post redirected to your house so you don't have to go and pick it up ( whether that needs POA or not I do not know ) - Also how is he managing with the bills which will still be arriving although house empty.

If Great Aunt and he can afford care home fees without selling the house that would indicate to me there is money to sort out these day to day / week to week things, including things she needs at the care home. But I'm guessing. I think you need to decide what you are prepared to do ( and there may be lots if you like your Great Aunty & those which you have to put firmly into his court. )

One more thing - I would have the conversation before he thinks you are going to deal with the whole house sale , removals , clearance, probate etc. He may not be thinking that - but that is really really hard work.

Best wishes though - it's a stressful situation