To want to name DC as beneficiaries

[arsmoriendi]

DH and I wrote wills about 20 years ago and barely looked at them since. If I die first, everything goes to DH, and vice versa. We both have life insurance policies which name each other as beneficiary too. DC would only inherit when we both died.

I recently had a breast lump checked out. It's just a cyst but it made me think about my will and life insurance again. I'd like to get a new life insurance policy naming DC as beneficiaries, as well as the policy that goes to DH. Or otherwise I'd like to leave some money in my will to DC.

DC are now age 23, 20 and 19. DH is a loving father and he doesn't begrudge giving DC money they need. We top up DC's student loans from our joint account. However he is less generous than me with the DC. For example when DS (20) laptop died, I gave him some money so he could buy a laptop that runs the software for his course. Without that, he could have afforded a chromebook and used university computers for coursework. DH thinks that's what he should have done. If I died while DC are still students, DH wouldn't help them with things like that.

That's why I'd like a policy that pays out to DC. DH thinks this shows I don't love him or trust him as much as I should, and says why are we married if I want to leave money to DC. I still plan to leave most money to DH, but maybe £5-10k policies each for DC!

YANBU, to be honest I think you should leave a much greater share of your estate to you children as they will need it more than your husband. Obviously when children are very young the surviving parent might need the money more, but your husband's attitude seems very selfish.

You should review your wills every 5 years and you don't need DH co-operation to change your will.
I wouldn't bother with life insurance unless you have a mortgage but you can easily leave your estate to your DC.
You can also choose whether to leave your share of the house to DH or DC, you might need to change the tenancy.
We have changed our wills 4 or 5 times over the years, DC now in 20s and I think we are going to change it again.

When writing our next wills we aim to each leave our portion of our house to the children.

Well it makes sense, as your DH could technically remarry if you die first, and DC could end up with nothing. I’ve left nearly everything to my DC, although my solicitor advised me to ensure I left a lump sum for DH and a letter in my will explaining my reasons, should it ever be challenged.

@yoyo1234

When writing our next wills we aim to each leave our portion of our house to the children.

How does this work in practical terms? DH would still live in the house, it's DC's home in the holidays too so I wouldn't want DH to have to sell up

Yanbu at all and I am in a similar position. DH and I made mirror wills years ago leaving everything to each other. However there are so many stories of a bereaved partner finding love again and marrying again and the assets from the first marriage all go to the 2nd spouse of the surviving partner, disinheriting the children of the first marriage. I want us to remake our wills to protect our DCs inheritance if either of us remarry following bereavement bit DH is unwilling because he has also got anecdotal examples of e.g. a person in their 20s being notionally the "inheritor" of a half share of their parents home when one parent dies, but obviously it's still the home of the other parent so they don't want to move there or sell it, but the fact that they are the nominal owner means they aren't eligible for things like means-tested benefits and help-to-buy etc.

I just did my death in service policy and have left 25% each to dc. Not sure what DH will think!! I also think I need to look at my will again.

Change it and don't tell him if he's going to sulk about it. It's your money... I'd leave more than what you proposed to them personally.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all. I have 10k set aside for each DC in my will with the accompanying note that this is ‘Mums rainy day fund’. It’s for all the things you have described- the things you would call mum for - such as, laptop dies, unexpected car repair, dental work, emergency taxi, travel for illness/funerals etc. The letter reads much better!

I think that’s a fabulous idea and your husband is being petty by not wanting you to do this. It’ll be a lovely gesture to spoil your children even if you are no longer here x

@arsmoriendi

Leaving our share of the property to DC can work in different ways , and obviously I would recommend seeking legal advice. The age of DC is also important as it may need to be left in a trust if they are very young. There is liferent where the other spouse lives there until they pass away (they can be made responsible for maintenance etc). Doing this way may also help with IHT. I know I may well just want to sell up and give DC their shares there and then (DH may want to do the same). There are life insurance policies etc to cover mortgage.

Another option could be to leave your pension pot to DC by naming them as beneficiaries (if you have one) as life insurance can be quite expensive. Obviously depends on what kind of pension you have and when and how you want to start drawing an income from it but it might be a good interim measure.

I'm going to leave everything to my children. I can't bear the thought of them getting shafted if my husband ever gets married again if I should die before him. He's welcome to leave everything to our children for the same reason (not that I ever would do that to my own children).

Get legal advice from a STEP solicitor.

The most common way is to change the house ownership to tenants in common. Leave your share to DC but life interest to DH. Cover who should pay maintenance etc. Check impact of CGT on DC.

I have insurance policies that would give my children a significant lump sum each. I love DH but there are too many horror stories about someone remarrying and the new partner being left everything and the children just have to trust them!

They would also get my rental apartment between them. DH gets the house, which would be paid off with plenty to spare.