I’ve posted on chat but not had many responses so I’m posting here for traffic. Please help!
At the weekend whilst drunk, I told a friend/ neighbour about the tricky start to my relationship with my now husband. I was in my late teens when we met and was just out of a violent relationship. I also suffered emotional abuse by one of my parents throughout my childhood so safe to say I was pretty messed up at this point.
When DH and I became a couple, it was a long distance relationship and I basically carried on acting like I was single. I treated him so badly at this time because I genuinely never believed anyone truly cared about me. I suppose I was self destructing.
A few months into the relationship, I realised how stupid I was being and that in fact, this person was the first person who had shown me that they really cared. I sorted my life out at this point.
In more recent years, I’ve done counselling and also told DH everything and he forgave me so it’s not a secret as such, but I told my friend everything when I had too much to drink. She’s also a friend of DH’s and I feel like I’ve somehow betrayed DH all over again.
I’m so unsure on how to handle this. It wasn’t shared in a malicious way. My friend had opened up to me about her husbands past trauma and when it’s caused them issues in their relationship. I was trying to support her by telling. It all happened over 13 years ago so it’s so long in the past but I also don’t want a neighbour and friend of mine to know and DH not to know that they know.
Should I tell him? If I do, I’ll just be bringing old wounds back up again. But I also don’t want to be deceitful by not telling him.
YABU - don’t tell him. He doesn’t need to know.
YANBU - tell him. He needs to know.