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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in not sending DD to nursery this Friday?

54 replies

ihaveadream14 · 23/03/2022 13:35

Just that really. Nursery contacted yesterday to say cases of norovirus are high in the nursery. Lots of cases of staff and children poorly with it.

Do I send DD2 in on Friday? I'm extremely anxious about vomit, sickness and suffer with emetophobia and since getting that message, my mind has been in overdrive. I hate it when DD's ill and I really struggle if she's ever sick. I'm not working as I'm on maternity leave so could look after her but I feel bad by keeping her home as we'll
lose out on £54 as we have to pay even if the children are absent and she absolutely loves going. What would you do?

OP posts:

TerryChoc · 23/03/2022 14:31

Keep her home, it’s not worth the risk especially if you have a worry about it!
You’re not doing wrong or harm. Yes you’ll have lost out on money but you would have spent that for the potential of d&v which is worse.
Hope all are well OP and stay well

sunflowerdaisyrose · 23/03/2022 14:32

I'd send her in personally.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 23/03/2022 14:33

Keep her off. No one wants that, especially if you are either pregnant or have a smaller one at home

Wam90 · 23/03/2022 14:34

@ihaveadream14

Just that really. Nursery contacted yesterday to say cases of norovirus are high in the nursery. Lots of cases of staff and children poorly with it.

I’d keep her home. I collected my son from nursery last Wednesday to be told that they’d sent children home with vomiting and he was saying he felt sick, 10 minutes after returning home he vomited and if there was any way I could have known that he would pick it up that day then I wouldn’t have sent him. I have no phobia of sickness or anything but this winter has been relentless for germs and he’s taken a battering! Chances are she’ll catch the bug and need time off anyway so you might as well keep her well if you can and lose out on the day that’s already been paid for.

lurker69 · 23/03/2022 14:54

Its a tough one and i say this as someone who suffers with severe emetophobia, its really 50/50 she could pick it up Friday but chances are still high she can get it Monday! It hangs around in schools/nursery for so long because you get selfish people sending their kids in knowing damn well they are still contagious. i struggle so hard telling myself it is just part of life once they start school from nursery to around 10 they get sickness bugs and in nursery its quite a lot.

Tdcp · 23/03/2022 14:58

@Rosebel it's norovirus not covid ..

Coffeesnob11 · 23/03/2022 15:01

It's going round our nursery too. Definitely keep them off. My child started being sick last Saturday and has now swapped the sick for diarrhoea. I have had to try and work from home with a flinging sick child and I have paid for 3 days this week we couldn't use.

Namechange466 · 23/03/2022 15:02

Literally just had it this weekend - and our daughters nursery is closed.

It was over in two days but pretty horrendous at the time - and I felt really fatigued.

Do what you can to avoid it

Blurp · 23/03/2022 15:04

I'd keep her off. Chances are the outbreak will be over by the middle of next week, and if a day off stops her getting it, your money is well spent!

Notanotherwindow · 23/03/2022 15:06

Keep her off. Missing a day, you lost £54. If she gets it, you'll lose 5 x that as she'll likely be down with it for the week and it's an awful bug to have.

DiamondCushion · 23/03/2022 15:07

I’d keep her off. Look at it as you’re paying £54 not be be all vomiting all weekend whilst pregnant, sounds like a win to me?

Hugasauras · 23/03/2022 15:16

I would. DD brought it home from nursery before Xmas and I caught it too. Was feeling rough enough in first trimester without Noro on top! It was over in about 36 hours but it was pretty grim for us both. If I'd had prior knowledge it was going around then I'd have kept her home, definitely now after having experienced it! That said, we had got an email about it three weeks prior and thought we were in the safe zone by then!

Halllyup17 · 23/03/2022 15:25

I wouldn't give keeping her off a second thought, just do it. Kids pick up everything. We had a message the other week to say there's chicken pox going around school. Of course, my daughter now has it, despite "not being anywhere near" a child in her class that got sent home with it. I certainly wouldn't want norovirus being brought home.

Meadmaiden · 23/03/2022 15:29

Keep them in! Childcare is just a luxury at the moment, and it's not a luxury anymore if it means you are up at night clearing vomit!

doris9034 · 23/03/2022 15:29

I definitely would keep her home - why risk it!
Just as an aside - I was severely emetophobic for years, to the point where i couldn't even tolerate the V word. However, I had a few sessions of hypnotherapy which helped me no end - I can even deal with (but obvs don't like) the physical act happening in front of me now! So maybe worth exploring to help with the inevitable bugs that kids will get in future!

Excited101 · 23/03/2022 15:33

It’s really important that you get help for your emetophobia op, what would you do it it was school and not nursery?

ididntevennotice · 23/03/2022 15:38

I would send mine in. I would almost understand your point if you had a big event to attend and didn't want to risk missing it like your own wedding but to keep a child off for no reason other than your own anxieties isn't remotely reasonable. It's a long journey through nursery and then school, so I would be doing all I could to help face this without it impacting my child

Preschoolerhelp · 23/03/2022 15:52

I would send in as chances are you’ll keep her off on Friday and then she’ll pick it up on Monday anyway. These things go round and round.

Original poster

IHaveADream14 · 23/03/2022 19:16

That's really interesting @doris9034 . I'd love to sort it out. It's been a massive issue for me for years - since I was a child. I think I need to address it because it's not something I can run away from forever, I get that. It's just so difficult 😞 I'll look into what kind of therapies are available near me.

OP posts:

bumblenbean · 23/03/2022 19:50

Fellow emetophobe here.

I was in the same position last week. Mine only go twice a week. Collected them from preschool on the Weds to be told there had been a sickness bug going round all week and several kids had been sent home that day after puking.

Was a little miffed they hadn’t notified us as they usually do when there’s an outbreak, as I wouldn’t have sent them that day. Decided they’d probably already caught it (and spent next few weeks in high state of anxiety!) but as they hadn’t come down with it by the Friday decided to keep them off hoping outbreak would be over by the Monday.

I did wonder about ‘indulging’ the phobia - I know the best way to challenge it is to expose yourself to the fear, avoid reassurance and safety behaviours etc, so normally I would say send them in - but decided in this case (like yours) it was reasonable to keep them off for a day because we knew for a fact there was a v contagious bug going round (rather than just worrying there might be one), I am WFH and kids aren’t fussed whether they go or play at home.

Ironically the next day they came down with covid, but hey ho at least we avoided the vom 😆

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 23/03/2022 19:56

If I had to send them in as working that day I would. If I didn’t have to go to work and could keep them home I would

Rosebel · 23/03/2022 21:23

That's what I get for not reading the post properly.
I'm still not sure I'd keep her home though. It's likely to hang around for weeks. Kids don't have great hygiene and parents will send their kids in while they're still sick.
Obviously I can understand why you want to keep her off but how long are you prepared to keep her off?

Meatshake · 23/03/2022 21:55

I'm keeping my 3 year old off tomorrow for the same reasons. Didn't really second guess it tbh.

Hankunamatata · 23/03/2022 21:57

Norovirus- I'd avoid nursery like a plague.

hazandduck · 23/03/2022 22:18

Have sent my preschooler to her grandparents and avoided nursery this week for this exact reason. Because of my phobia the nursery tell me if there are any stomach upsets so I can judge for myself, and they have actually asked if any parents can keep their kids home because they have so many staff members off sick!

I know I can’t avoid it when she starts school but for now to avoid something that causes severe distress for me, when it doesn’t impact Dd at all as she loves going to her grandparents any way, it is a no brainer. I am terrified about September if I am honest but am just taking each week as it comes and will deal with it then.

People who don’t live with this phobia simply don’t understand. I’ve tried hypnosis and spent a lot of money on trying to ‘cure’ myself. But really the only thing that helps when I think I may be sick is trying to rationalise in my head what is happening is normal. I thought when I had my own kids I would be better or cured of this fear and my love for them would mean I stop being afraid. But if anything I am probably worse.

Keep her off, OP. You’ve got my sympathies it’s a horrible phobia to live with.

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