Mil fall out

[Mummyof2uk]

Aibu over the last months I have noticed more and more my mil making comments and my dh doesn't seem to notice I went round this weekend and his niece tapped my arm I looked down and was shouted at oi she was talking to you I jumped and apologised and then felt myself getting really upset I hadn't ment to ignore anyone I feel so upset dh didn't say anything and ended up crying on the way home he told her to apologise and she then started on the why is she doing this to me and she is driving a wedge between us act I have now somehow got the blame she was saying all sorts about my children and lies about me and he is the peace keeper and wants it all sorting but she has now made me feel so uncomfortable that I never want to go round again but we are getting married in 4 months and I am so stressed about it all I keeps saying to him if it was my family talking to or about you in this way I would tell them were to go but she turns on the waterworks and makes him feel so guilty for sticking up for me he feels caught in the middle and now doesn't know what to do about mothers day I said I won't be going but don't want to tell him what to do I feel if he goes alone then its saying to her its fine how she has treated me and the kids but I don't know if I am being unreasonable here I feel really hurt by it all as I have only ever been sweet and polite and so have my children who she point blank calls rude to there faces tia x

Does anyone on here take into account that people may have learning difficulties? English may not be a first language? If you find the text difficult to read because of lack of full stops, spelling mistakes, punctuation etc, just move on. You don't need to comment on someone's ability at punctuation etc. I find it upsetting when people highlight my lack of education. I read a text the other day that really was impossible to work out, but I didn't feel the need to tell them this. Asking OP if her keyboard has punctuation keys is not nice. Neither are some of the other comments.
Other people spent the time to work it out and offer the OP advice.

Thank you so much for this 🙏❤️ I am trying x

OP you need to stop making this about his mother, and make it about you and your feelings so DP understands where your are coming from and he doesn’t feel in the middle.

Just a ‘I don’t feel comfortable going today, have a nice time’
I was really upset today when X shouted at me, I don’t really feel welcome’ (rather than - your mum is horrible to me!’

Just change the language. It makes a difference.

my children who she point blank calls rude to there faces

If they really aren’t rude, and she is just being spiteful, then I wouldn’t allow my children anywhere near her. Ever! If your soon to be DH can’t support you I would be seriously reconsidering a wedding tbh.

wheniruletheworld that was totally unnecessary.

You don’t need to be involved in his relationship with his mum. It sounds like she is a horrible person to have for a mum so I pity your partner.

I would set clear boundaries where you and your children don’t see her and your partner sees her separately. If she is invited to group occasions, the moment she misbehaves she is asked to leave and if this continues to happen she doesn’t get invited.

My partners mum is very difficult so I’ve only met her a handful of times. Ultimately though it’s harder for him, it’s his mum. For me, I just don’t see her very often because it’s easier for all if I don’t come.

Walk away now - it won't get better. In fact if you have children, it's likely to get a lot worse.

It's going to take for you to start sticking up for yourself and for him to start sticking up for you too. Make a point if him giving you a kiss in front of her and if she comments he could say "what do you expect? We are getting married in 4 months!".

Thanks everyone I really do need to start standing up for myself I didn't want to rock the boat but i feel we are past that now and I have made it clear I will in future say something, as for spelling and punctuation you never know why someone may struggle ir dyslexia or how hard they are trying if you struggle to read it just scroll on be kind or be quiet, there I started already 😁 as for the great advice thanks yes I think I will just keep at a distance and say you enjoy your time there me and the kids feel uncomfortable so we will see you later and let him decide if he wants to be around her himself

Have you ever thought that you being there dilutes the nastiness places on him? So he likes you to be there?

Oh 100 percent he said she talks to me like that and she really does talk to everyone like something nasty she has stepped in but nobody says anything it's all very enabling and I'm afraid as a grown man that's up to him if he chooses to put himself in that situation me and the kids don't have to put up with it.

Your reply should be
My name isn’t Oi. Don’t be so rude.

Don’t wait for your dp to defend you because he won’t.
Defend yourself assertively.
And don’t go on Mother’s Day. It’s for your dc to spoil you and you should stay home and do stuff with them.

I have no idea who is at fault as we only have your side of event but if you are already having these kinds of problems they will only get worse and just because you are moving away it doesn't mean they will stop. You need to decide whether you want years of this drama.

I have this type of MIL. DH was conditioned to put up with her behaviour as he was used to a lifetime of passive compliance to shut her up (she's verbally abusive/physically aggressive with finger pointing etc.).

He did finally tell PIL to pull their heads in - 20 years later when MIL went WAY too far against me & even he couldn't ignore it anymore. They stopped immediately because even he had had enough of their sh*t & he threatened NC.

Tbh I'd be laying down the law. They will just get worse. Your OH backs you now or you walk away. I can't explain how much this MIL/FIL behaviour has ruined my self esteem, given me anxiety & ruined all our big events (like our wedding) & made me resent DH. Me fighting back/ignoring them was met with more abuse.

It wasn't worth it, if I'm honest. In hindsight, I would have walked away.

That's awful, I feel the same I have said I am hurt by the behaviour and it has all been flipped round that I am ruining the family, and with the anxiety I totally understand I feel so in edge and have told him I would never feel comfortable round there again I keep questioning my parenting and everything I say now and what if she makes up something else that is worse when someone starts making up lies I cut of

Very Rude. This may be someone using voice software, someone with a disability. Ever stop to think of that

To be honest, are you sure you want to marry into this family?
You've only been together 2 years, and you also have 2 dc to consider, so maybe take a big step back, as you can't have your dc subjected to her horrible behaviour, and why should you put up with it either.
Taking a step back, and putting the wedding on hold, might give dp a kick up the bum to see you8r taking this very seriously and won't put up with it any longer.