Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To report DS to the police?

19 replies

natylopatina · 22/03/2022 17:33

I know I'm BU but I don't know what to do.

DS is 17, a few years ago at 15, he got involved in the wrong crowd and started smoking weed, was dealing and went off the rails. It ended as he was arrested but thankfully he was only given a warning and that sort of scared him and made him distance himself from that group.

His behaviour has been getting worse again and a couple of weeks ago, he admitted to smoking weed but told me it was just once so I let it go. However, today I was tidying his room and I found weed. I spoke to him and he told me to fuck off and that it's none of my business. I really don't know what to do and I have also got to think about my youngest

OP posts:

Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes · 22/03/2022 17:54

Unless he’s dealing, I don’t think the police are going to be hugely interested in a teen having a small amount of weed in his bedroom for personal use.

Ponoka7 · 22/03/2022 17:55

A drug conviction will mess up his life. I don't know what the answer is, but don't report him.

HollowTalk · 22/03/2022 17:57

What has he been like in the months leading up to this?

WhatNowwwww · 22/03/2022 17:58

@Ponoka7

A drug conviction will mess up his life. I don't know what the answer is, but don't report him.

I agree. I’d be threatening to kick him out before reporting him to the police. He can’t speak to you like that and he can’t bring drugs into your home with younger siblings there. So he either bucks his ideas up or moves out is what I’d be saying.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/03/2022 17:59

The police will not do anything about personal use of weed, unless he's growing it and selling it. Waste of their time.

ISpyCobraKai · 22/03/2022 18:02

It's highly unlikely they'll do anything.
Not that I'm advising this as such but I did kick my 17yr old out after years of intolerable behaviour and it was the making of her.
Sometimes you have to say no and mean it.

FartSock5000 · 22/03/2022 18:04

He doesn't get to speak to you like that on your own home.

Kick him out! Let him have a taste of real world consequences.

Prettynails · 22/03/2022 18:05

So you spoke to him about drugs in your house that you pay for and he told you to fuck off ???!!!
That was the response.
I’d change the locks and kick him out. Hard shock. He can choose apologise and undergo counselling and meet family rules or piss off

sweetbellyhigh · 22/03/2022 18:12

This is about respect.

He doesn't get to bring drugs into your home. If he moves out then he can do what he wants and deal with the consequences but while he's living in your home and off your money etc he has to abide by house rules including treating everyone with respect.

This is a conversation that needs to be handled quietly, not when you or he are upset.

You need to be honest about what you expect of him, why, and what your fears are regarding law breaking and your younger child.
Explain that you have felt so concerned that you're contemplating calling police not because you want to get him in trouble but because you cannot risk being held responsible for his behaviour.

Ask him for his ideas on a solution.

I hope you two can get on the same side but if you don't, rest assured that millions of parents experience the same with their teenagers 😱

Feetupteashot · 22/03/2022 18:14

Agree with the above about house rules.

Can you cut off his cash / pocket money?

alexdgr8 · 22/03/2022 18:15

what about his father.
he needs a stern talking to, and or throwing out.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/03/2022 18:29

"he told me to fuck off and that it's none of my business."
Anything that happens under your roof is your business. Prioritise yourself and your younger child. I'd be considering telling him to leave.

Diversion · 22/03/2022 18:48

Cutting off his cash/pocket money will not help. He will just build up a tab and end up with a drug debt and likely end up being a runner to pay off the debt or worse.

Hertsgirl10 · 22/03/2022 19:00

This is so difficult I don’t know the answer for you, I would find it so hard to kick my son out, I think you need to speak to him about it all and set some boundaries.
I think you can buy drug testing kits online, maybe say it he takes drugs and brings them into the home again then he will be thrown out, and test a couple times a week?

Duchess379 · 22/03/2022 20:13

If he told me to 'fuck off' I'd be hauling his arse out the front door! I'm afraid you need to do 'tough love'. He wants to live under your roof, then he needs to be respectful. Otherwise, he can jog on.

TheSnowyOwl · 22/03/2022 20:15

I wouldn’t report him. I’d be talking to him and finding out what, if anything, is wrong and how you can support him.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 22/03/2022 20:17

I wouldn't report him - drugs convictions can destroy your whole life.

I would tell him that if he wants to buy/smoke/sell weed, he can do it under someone else's roof, though.

DoWhatYouLike · 22/03/2022 20:21

Where does he get the money to buy weed? Does he work/go to college? Is there a father on the scene, or any other male role model?

I wouldn't report him or turf him out. He needs help, and you need to sit and talk to him about your concerns for him and your other children.

PinkSyCo · 22/03/2022 20:39

God no, don’t report him because you found a bit of weed that’s for his personal use only. Not to excuse his swearing at you but he sounds quite troubled. Is he still in full time education? Is he working? In what way has his behaviour been getting worse? Any reason you can think of for why his behaviour has taken a turn for the worse?

Flip