I'm about to say something terrible. And I only say it here because you don't know who I am.
I have a DD who has a neurological condition which can fluctuate. Some days she can walk. Some she cannot. She has tremors, clonus, spasms, dystonia, tics, incontinence, fatigue and complex pain.
This came out of nowhere for her a couple of years ago. Like- boom- now you can't be "normal."
I get how hard it is for her. I really do. But she is so so demanding and I swear she sees me as little more than her personal servant. What really pissed me off this week is that I have Covid, I'm really struggling, my other two kids have Covid, DH has been away for work. She's been off school after a recent spell as an inpatient trying to manage pain around her spine. She is sending me messages like "Mum, can you come and help me move to a more comfy position" and "mum, I'm hungry, can I have noodles" and "can you bring me a cold drink?" But if I don't respond within a few minutes she'll do this relentless whimpering that's so loud you can hear it anywhere in the house. On every outward breath. And she can keep it up for hours.
She can get herself to the loo. She can get herself up to get some chocolate or to plug her phone in or get her laptop. That's no issue. But everything else she seems to want to be served, regardless of how active or inactive her condition is. And this is round the clock. When it's terribly bad, of course I am there, but I don't see that I need to be stuck to her like glue and indulging every demand when it's not!
Today I have said to her that if she makes that kind of whimpering "I'm in agony" noise when she's just being mildly inconvenienced, she runs the risk of not being believed when she is in agony, since people will be so used to hearing it it won't spark any concern. I also told her to be respectful of the fact that I have three children who all need my help at the moment and that I am pretty bloody ill myself, so please dial down the whimpering and the demands, it's not fair, especially when I can literally see she's done stuff for herself like getting chocolates and ice lollies etc.
She didn't send me a message all day and was getting herself about, then just now she's messaged me saying she's in unbearable pain but she's trying to keep it under wraps so it doesn't inconvenience me and her siblings, and she's starving so can I please make her some lunch. She's made herself a sandwich half an hour ago and she seemed fine then. I KNOW when she's in pain. I feel like she's maybe taking out her frustration of her bodily limitations by getting me to do everything? I don't know. She soon snaps out of her infirmity when friends come to visit! Obviously not on terrible days, she wouldn't be able to, but on all the other days where she communicates a sheer inability to do anything so that I have to do it all.... if a friend comes, suddenly she's capable of getting up, doesn't make the whimpering noise, will happily go and get drinks and snacks etc, will do makeup and things.
It's pissing me off and I don't know how to address it properly because she does have a condition that requires an awful lot of support and she attends a school equipped to give it. No learning difficulties, just physical ones. I can't see how to tell her I'm not her goddamn slave without upsetting her and potentially making more work for myself as huge relapses in her condition are often brought about by stress.
AIBU to feel pissed off and really worn down by it?