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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think school stuff is now excessive

30 replies

Rewritethestars1 · 21/03/2022 21:47

Hi

Feeling really overwhelmed by the amount of organisation it takes to just send my children to school these days. Please tell me this is not normal and there is an end in sight.

Example week:
Monday-sports activity that requires special kit and spare kit taken into school, music lesson requiring books taken into school, money needed for trip.

Tuesday- different outside activity needing different kit to be taken into school and brought home, craft items needed to be taken in.

Wednesday- music lesson so music needs taking in with signed communication book.

Thursday- money in envelope for fundraising, more but different craft items needed to be taken in.

Friday-dress up day so outfit needed, homework to hand in, seeds for school garden needed.

I have another dc in the school with similar items/ organising etc
This is primary school, all items cost and need organising. The activities and days swap and change weekly and this week is an average week its not a one off.

I just feel like its so much pressure for parents especially those on a budget.

I'm really well organised but I work long days and it feels so much remembering and collecting all these things. I have had 5 emails and 1 text from school just today.

I like that school do varied activities but surly there is a limit before it becomes excessive.

Aibu

OP posts:
Comedycook · 21/03/2022 21:48

Oh god yes, I often say it's a full time job just getting your kids to school on time with everything they need!

Original poster
Rewritethestars1 · 21/03/2022 21:52

@Comedycook it really does feel like that at times.

OP posts:
Bibbetybobbity · 21/03/2022 21:52

I completely agree- and I’ve no idea why it’s like this. It’s like another job. It does let up a bit at secondary…

nearlyspringyay · 21/03/2022 21:54

Private? They don't need to do music lessons.

The giant thing that pisses me off is the short notice. No I do t have £2 to put in their pocket in the morning for a cake sale I did r know anything about, I don't do cash! No I'm not rustling up a fucking costume in 24 hours!

Original poster
Rewritethestars1 · 21/03/2022 21:58

@nearlyspringyay its not a private school believe it or not ! Music lessons are part of the normal day here. One i pay separately for and is a choice to be fair but its strongly encouraged at this school, you would be the odd one if not doing one. Its a great school don't get me wrong.

OP posts:
Justalittlebitfurther · 21/03/2022 22:00

I might be wrong but lots of these things sound like extras that your child doesn’t have to do. It’s completely ok to say no to your child doing extra clubs, whether that’s to your DC or the school.

Original poster
Rewritethestars1 · 21/03/2022 22:08

@Justalittlebitfurther it seems that way but they are not. For example the sports activities are whole school ones. Our school brings in lots of outside clubs/facilitators and the activities take place during the school day. So mandatory but requires parents to organise the kit. I really appreciate it in some ways but not in others.

Both dc do extra circular activities outside of school, evenings and weekends too. Which is completely out choice but are done because dc really benefit from them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rewritethestars1 · 21/03/2022 22:09

Our choice

OP posts:
Justalittlebitfurther · 21/03/2022 22:13

Ok that’s a challenge then. How old are your DC?

OutlookStalking · 21/03/2022 22:14

Cut down on evenibg/weekend activities?

It sounds like they're getting lots of extra curricular in the school day (certainly not the norm to have music lessons here or special sport!)

IamSamantha · 21/03/2022 22:14

I need a PA for my kids. The admin associated with the schools is ridiculous

gandalf456 · 21/03/2022 22:16

Yes, primary sucks. I personally breathed a sigh of relief when they went to secondary. I must admit, with my youngest, I did ignore some of the messages and participated in what I had to

Squidlydoo · 21/03/2022 22:17

Today was told about an Easter bonnet parade next week…. Immediately went on Amazon and bought an Easter bonnet making kit as hats need to be crafted at home!

Honestly ridiculous while working full time! I need a PA to manage school and their demands!

Original poster
Rewritethestars1 · 21/03/2022 22:24

So glad its not just me.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 21/03/2022 22:25

You’re possibly detailing lots of things that don’t take much time though:

Monday-sports activity that requires special kit and spare kit taken into school, music lesson requiring books taken into school, money needed for trip.

  • how special is special kit? Do you just mean PE kit, if so, not a big deal
  • music book, it’s just your normal Monday timetable and takes seconds to check schedule and put it in
  • money for trip, sounds quite normal? (unusual to be cash only and not an online payment system though, these days)

Tuesday- different outside activity needing different kit to be taken into school and brought home, craft items needed to be taken in.

  • depends what kit and what crafts. Wellies - not a big deal, ice skates - big deal!

Wednesday- music lesson so music needs taking in with signed communication book.

  • that’s just a totally normal day

Thursday- money in envelope for fundraising, more but different craft items needed to be taken in.

  • money takes seconds, I appreciate your point about pressure for families though. Craft items - again, depends what they’re after and how much notice.

Friday-dress up day so outfit needed, homework to hand in, seeds for school garden needed.

  • homework is just normal, so it does feel like you’re padding out the list with regular activities. Dress up - that’s a PITA, but you say this is a typical week - do you really have costumes every week? The seeds seems a bit much!

Overall, it doesn’t seem like that much work (depending on how much notice the craft / seed type stuff is, and how hard to source!) but it does seem way more items than normal.

But that’s based on the craft and seed stuff. The money / homework / music lesson stuff - that’s a pretty normal week I think.

I’m very curious what all this activity clothing and craft items are!

Chrispackhamspoodle · 21/03/2022 22:29

I was so glad when primary school ended.The emails were relentless.Summer fete and Christmas were the worst times.The PTA used to print a timetable around those times so you remembered what you were supposed to donate each day...bottles,toys,money,jazzy bloody jars, raffle tickets,hamper donations with a theme.Then signing the teachers cards and donating more money.And it was never just signing a card...get your child to draw a picture of themselves /film them talking about their favourite memory.Wear clothes in the colour of the Italian flag tomorrow. Make a book cover and wear it to school.Rarely hear from their secondary school.Sorry I sound bitter Smile It was really hard work!

Numbersarefun · 21/03/2022 22:29

We actually have a member of staff at our school who checks the demands given to parents and makes sure they are spread out over the term and that parents are given plenty of notice.

eurochick · 21/03/2022 22:30

My daughter's school is similar. When I was a child and it was relatively rare for mothers to work, there wasn't half this stuff. Now so many families are time poor with two working parents there always seems to be loads to organise.

Original poster
Rewritethestars1 · 21/03/2022 22:31

@Cocomarine it might be a normal thing and week but its still lots to remember when your also working a stressful job. I remember being at school and my mum just used to drop us off in the normal uniform job done. I can't remember there ever being dress up days or the like

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 21/03/2022 22:35

It's normal I'm afraid. Well, normal in my experience. Mine are at 2 different schools, do numerous extracurricular (because they like them and they're good for them before anyone says), and on average it involves about 4 hours per week admin time to organise.

Cocomarine · 21/03/2022 22:40

[quote Rewritethestars1]@Cocomarine it might be a normal thing and week but its still lots to remember when your also working a stressful job. I remember being at school and my mum just used to drop us off in the normal uniform job done. I can't remember there ever being dress up days or the like[/quote]
I don’t disagree that it’s more than our parents had to do!
But I think kids often get lots more interesting extras now, so there’s a trade off there.

It’s not that I’m not sympathetic to the extras to remember - it’s not that long since mine were primary.

But I think when you list everything last thing out it can feel overwhelming, whereas the reality of something like music book on a Wednesday doesn’t take more than a few seconds, if you’re the type who can keep a schedule and make sure the music book doesn’t wander off from its alloted place at home!

Does your school only do cash for school trips?
Mine did online payment and (I was fortunate to have the budget for this, I know) I always paid instantly so I never had to remember it.

I think it’s a hell of a lot to want 2 different lots of craft items and then seeds too in one week. But 30 packets of seeds is a lot… is this one of those, “Class 3 are working in the garden this week and making , seeds and loo roll tubes and yoghurt pots would welcome” jobs, where it’s voluntary and you need to give yourself permission to not do every request?

Thewindwhispers · 21/03/2022 22:43

Yanbu! What gets me is the IT side of it. Like for a ‘special’ class music activity parents were asked to contribute £3. Fine. In previous years you could just hand the teacher £3. But now school says it is a ‘cashless school’ which means I must

  • download an app I don’t want
  • create an account on the app and give it my personal financial info bank details etc
  • app then crashes, refuses school login. Request new login code which takes a day to get from school.
  • try again, app crashes continually, it takes 30 minutes to finally make the payment.

And ALL THE OTHER PARENTS IN THE CLASS HAD THE SAME PROBLEM.

The school doesn’t care about parents’ time, at all. They don’t care that our children don’t have spotty socks for spotty sock day or whatever. They just follow weird rituals and expect everyone to jump through the hoops, because that is what they’re used to doing for the government, and school have never really understood that I do not work for them, I do not have to do what they say, they are there to educate my child and that’s it.

Twinkletowedelephant · 21/03/2022 22:47

I have 3 at 3 different secondary school.. 2x do a week a week b timetable (although they are only the same week about 4 times a year...) One school dosnt have lockers , only one does Forrest school... Then there special days all held on different days, fund raising cake sales wear yello/blue/green.. when DT changes from woodwork to baking ... various scattered inset days early finish days.. 2 dc have to be driven in and collected and different times in different days.. one gets a taxi (who also varies what time ds is collected and dropped off) ....

I have 2 calenders and 3 big white boards ... Weekly / monthly /half term (6wks). Still have things slip through..

Cryingbutstilltrying · 21/03/2022 22:52

Wow.
My primary age ds needs PE kit twice a week.
Secondary age dd needs PE kit once or thrice depending on week a or b.
One non uniform day a term (it was last Friday for red nose/Ukraine appeals), all paid online through the same app as lunch money and trips etc.
That’s all.
I think your schools are all taking the piss and I’m very grateful mine don’t. Though the music lessons might be nice, I would make sure they took the things in for that.

Cocomarine · 21/03/2022 22:54

@Thewindwhispers that’s so shit!
There are so many good payment apps out there, that it’s ridiculous you’re stuck with one that makes life harder.

When they work though, I think they’re amazing! I’d far rather see the notification and in seconds it’s paid, nothing to remember. I happened downloaded an app and added my card details to it for that! I’m the opposite to you… finding £3 when I’m generally cashless was more of a pain!

But… the app has to bloody work!!