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AIBU?

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Original poster

iPad for 1 year old

26 replies

raffleticket · 21/03/2022 11:35

So DD has just turned 1YO and in laws bought her an iPad for her birthday. They did ask us beforehand if it was ok, I wasn't over the moon about it but didn't want an argument - thought we could just accept the gift and keep it hidden away until she's older. But now every time they see her (weekly) they get it out to play with and I've noticed that she's already started to get attached to it.
I should have just said no thank you to the gift in the first place but now we're stuck with it. AIBU to ask them to stop using it with her after they paid so much for it? Any advice on how to handle this tactfully?
FWIW, ILs adore DD and I think they see interacting with tech as a good way to develop intelligence or something, they are definitely not seeing any negatives with it. I not totally against screen time per se but would prefer her to play with actual toys and worry she will start to favour the iPad instead. Help?!

OP posts:
GirlsTalk250 · 21/03/2022 11:39

I wouldn’t like this either, but think once a week will be ok, provided she doesn’t have it at any other times.

TooMuchPaper · 21/03/2022 11:39

Is this at their house or yours?

whysoserious123 · 21/03/2022 11:41

Lesson learned

Original poster
raffleticket · 21/03/2022 11:41

It's at out house. They look after her one day a week in our house

OP posts:
Circumferences · 21/03/2022 11:43

Are your in-laws Asian?
It seems to be a sort of big deal to give children a screen in some cultures, it's seen as a sign of being classy and well educated etc.
If it's important to them I'd let them use the screen when they're around but put it away the rest of the time.

Original poster
raffleticket · 21/03/2022 11:51

They're not Asian, no. It's quite surprising actually because they've always been a bit tech-phobey until now - I don't know if they're just excited about how much kids seem to love screens and want to be part of it (they have other grandchildren who are slightly older and they have tablets etc too)??
Agree lesson learnt Grin
Am I just worrying for nothing? One day a week not a big deal? It was just yesterday she dragged every single toy out and wasn't happy, still seemed on a mission - about 10 mins later she found the bloody iPad and then seemed satisfied. I just sat starting at the toy chaos thinking what have I done.
The irony is she isn't even getting "screen time" because her favourite thing to do is press the button - she just gets hundreds of hellos from Siri

OP posts:
Googlecanthelpme · 21/03/2022 11:56

Just limit the time you let her on it, as you’ve said, a one year old doesn’t really know how to use it and just likes to press buttons etc.

Just put it away and if PIL ask then say “we limit it to 20 mins a day right now”

My kids use their iPads like TVs mostly and watch nursery rhymes and songs. They’re not sat there like zombies playing call of duty.

Limit the time, don’t be overly precious about it as that only makes them want it more. If I don’t want mine to have it I just say “no battery today”, they sulk for 5 seconds then crack on with other toys

incognitoforthisone · 21/03/2022 11:56

I don't think it's doing your child any harm playing with it one day a week, but it's a bizarre thing to give to a baby. Is it an actual Apple iPad, or it is some other kind of tablet device? Because if it's an actual iPad, that is an insane amount of money for them to have spent on something that a) a one-year-old is almost certainly going to break and b) is being used purely to make noises and show pretty pictures to a baby. Are they mad?! A baby would get the same enjoyment out of literally ANYTHING that makes a noise or plays moving pictures when they press a button. Why would they spend hundreds of pounds on an iPad?

pjani · 21/03/2022 11:58

Yes maybe give them more direct on how it should be used.

blogs.lse.ac.uk/parenting4digitalfuture/2016/10/21/new-screen-time-rules-from-the-american-academy-of-pediatrics/ I found pretty helpful. Could you express your concern, that it seems like she’s losing interest in other toys and 0 screen time is recommended till 18 months or whatever. She has an iPad now but it could be put away until it’s more age appropriate?

Nappyvalley15 · 21/03/2022 11:59

I would nip this in the bud now while dd is young and likely to soon forget about the ipad. Tell them she is too young for it and it is making her neglect the other toys that are more useful for her current developmental stage. Find a reputable source that shows that it makes sense to delay the use of this type of technology for now. Ipad will still be good in a couple of years when she can get more use out if it.

roseopose · 21/03/2022 12:01

I wouldn't like this- my childminder turned out to be letting my DD use tablets and her phone and despite only being there a few hours a week, she was on an absolute mission to get hold of our phones at home, screaming tantrums when she couldn't have it or if she managed to get hold of one of them. Each to their own but I don't think they're anything but harmful at that age, plenty of things to do and see in the world without looking at screens.

scandihouse · 21/03/2022 12:05

I am quite anti tech with young children so I wouldn't like this at all. It does sound like she's getting quite reliant on it as well so I would just be honest with inlaws and say you're worried she's getting a bit addicted and would prefer for her to play with non screen toys until she's a bit older but you'll keep the iPad safe for her for when you think she's ready.

ChairCareOh · 21/03/2022 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

RandomQuest · 21/03/2022 12:13

The ILs might be reluctant to admit it but any chance they’re not finding it easy to keep up with an active 1YO so it’s become about them getting a break?

Could you say no to the iPad for now, she’s far too young even play with it properly as shown by the fact that she’s just thumping Siri, but say ok to 15 mins of whatever is on CBeebies or something like Cocomelon on Netflix if they want a bit of a break.

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 21/03/2022 12:14

The world is in 3-D, using an iPad is slowing down her intellectual, social, motor and physical development. It’s a hard one theyve spent so much money on it but your daughter comes first.

TooMuchPaper · 21/03/2022 12:24

I'd put it away. And tell your parents that she is not happy until she has it. And that's why it's being put away.

Momicrone · 21/03/2022 12:25

No way

Notcontent · 21/03/2022 12:46

I would be very unhappy about this. I love my iPad and I am not anti tech - but young children need to be interacting with the real world. The toddlers you see in buggies with phones or tablets - they are not benefitting - quite the opposite sadly.

Original poster
raffleticket · 21/03/2022 13:13

Ok thanks all, this is really helpful to get some outside perspective. Yes it's an actual Apple iPad, although I hope/assume it's second hand?! Buying expensive ott presents for GCs is their Achilles heel.
To the poster who said it might be so they can have a break - I hadn't thought of this but you could be right. My MIL in particular would never, ever admit to being tired so that might be where it's come from, I'll keep in mind.
Think the idea of setting a limit for screen time is a good compromise and thanks for the links - I've had a look and this is useful info to me although I feel sharing this with MIL would go down like a tonne of bricks Grin (I have raised 3 children, I don't need to be told how to look after babies etc etc)

OP posts:
RewildingAmbridge · 21/03/2022 13:18

If she has that kind of ego play up to it, we're trying to keep screen time to a minimum, raise her more traditionally you know like you did with your DC, before there was an this tech, what sort of things did you do to keep them busy.... Etc

MsSquiz · 21/03/2022 13:47

What is she using on the iPad?
My dd is 2 and has had an iPad since 18 months. She's has certain apps on it that she can use and you can lock the screen so she doesn't end up on other apps or safari.
We also have certain time set aside for her to use it and she'll still happily play with her toys

TheseDaysGoBy · 21/03/2022 14:26

Your daughter is your child so you decide what she can play with and they need to respect your decision. One year old seems a bit young for an ipad, I think I would have politely declined and requested toys. I don't have children yet but I am already concerned by how reliant children seem to be on technology these days. I'm not a technophobe but when the time comes for me to have children of my own, I will want to try and keep their play as traditional as possible with proper toys, books and messy play. Too many children are addicted to ipad games and the like these days. I see so many kids engrossed in their ipads instead of eating their food on a family meal out.

Original poster
raffleticket · 21/03/2022 14:43

She just has a couple of apps for "babies" - one which is like a piano and one where you pop balloons or something. Like I said, she's not even using it for the apps at this stage, she doesn't get it. She likes the colours and sounds I guess but lots of her toys can do that too.
I didn't know you could lock the screen once they're in an app, I'll try that. You can probably tell that this didn't come from me since I clearly have no idea how to use it anyway!! I'll try 20 min limit and see how it goes. If she gets upset then that really just proves that I'm right to be worried.
People always say "it's your child, your rules" and I 100% agree with this, but unfortunately I'm the worst at confrontation and my ILs are extra sensitive as well to be fair... we are not a good combo!! Appreciate all the advice though!

OP posts:
KeyWorker · 21/03/2022 16:08

As a bit of a compromise why don't you download some music or audio books so you can still show the grandparents how useful the iPad is and how you use it but then it’s not always used for screen time as in playing on apps. You could always use it to share and store photos for your DD too.

It’s lovely that the grandparents are so keen but dont be afraid to share you worries about screen time and how it can become addictive even for such small children. But then they can see it’s useful for music and dancing and listening to stories ect.

mamabeeboo · 21/03/2022 16:30

Hey OP, I have a 15 month old, and I understand your concerns.

Once a week wouldn't worry me, partially because of the free childcare, I'd feel like I wouldn't want to say anything, if that's how they choose to spend their time. GPs look after DS once a week too, and I just let them do what they want with the schedule or the food (obv within reason), but I want to make life a little easy for them, since they are in their 60s.

RE the Ipad, I'd keep it well hidden from DD for the rest of the time. And if she struggles to find something to play with, then I'd play with the toys myself and show her what a lovely time I'm having! She will soon realise she's missing out on proper play and join in quite quickly (from experience).

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