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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be hurt by this remark?

44 replies

betterdaysaheadforsure · 21/03/2022 09:30

Or am I just a touchy menopausal woman?

Yesterday, I got up, walked dogs for an hour, went running with friends for 8 miles, made and tidied lunch, met friend for a dog walk, changed beds, thoroughly cleaned bedrooms and upstairs bathrooms, worked on PC for an hour or so, made and tidied away dinner, another little dog walk, sat down at 7.30pm to find remote control for TV not working, asked DH if he could get the other one as I'd been "on my feet all day". His reply, "no-one asked you to be on your feet all day"!

His day, gets up leisurely, round of golf with mates, sat in front of TV with wine/beer all afternoon and buggers off to bed exhausted at 8.45pm.

This is a normal Sunday for me, so am I being reasonable to be hurt by his comments?

OP posts:

5128gap · 21/03/2022 10:33

To be fair, that is, by most people's standards, a huge amount of voluntary activity. While he should definitely have shared the cooking and other chores, his day of part activity part leisure is more reflective of what most people do I think. I'm guessing he knows you judge him a bit for how he spends his time, and (unnecessarily) pointing out how much you'd done probably hit a nerve. You need to get him to pull his weight because that's what an adult should do in an equal relationship. You don't need to justify it by pointing out you have done a lot, as given it was your choice, it's irrelevant.

phoenixrosehere · 21/03/2022 10:33

Wait.. if he was watching the tv, shouldn’t he had known that the remote was not working and to either replace the batteries or gotten the other remote to begin with?

Was he already seated when you asked him this?

Shoxfordian · 21/03/2022 10:39

It sounds like you chose to do all that
Stop being a martyr

girlmom21 · 21/03/2022 10:41

YABU. You chose to go for walks, running etc, you can't then moan you've been on your feet all day.

You chose to spend your days differently.

Cheeserton · 21/03/2022 10:45

YABU. 8 mile runs? Your choice entirely. Cleaning? You don't say anything about how that normally goes. You actually do have quite a lot of choices there over how knackered you want to make yourself or not.

AuntMargo · 21/03/2022 10:54

Christ woman, take a break and slow down. I am shattered just reading your post.

Rosehugger · 21/03/2022 10:58

The bedrooms are not, presumably, self-cleaning and the meals do not make themselves.

I suggest you delegate more jobs to him.

Rosehugger · 21/03/2022 10:59

Sorry but it made me think of this 😂 I absolutely do this too and sometimes I need to relax and realise it doesn't matter. For me, it's a sign of anxiety

It's also a sign of feeling taken advantage of and being treated like a skivvy.

NorthSouthcatlady · 21/03/2022 11:04

I need more info to be able to comment. Is it normal for him to loll around while you do everything? Or had he done his fair share of chores for the weekend and wanted a relaxing Sunday? For example my fiancé and l agree a list of things that need doing each weekend and who does what. So you might wonder why last night why l was lying on the bed reading the paper while he made dinner. But l had done my share e.g. Sunday brunch, washing, planting bulbs, researching dog insurance etc and was having a well deserved rest

skgnome · 21/03/2022 11:06

I mean he’s not wrong… just a bit of a twat comment….
The real question is why are you doing all that cleaning and cooking? Get him to do his fair share, I’m assuming he also sleeps in the bed and eats the food?
But 8 mile run that’s totally your choice - and, fair enough if you enjoy it and it’s a way to socialise…

AchillesPoirot · 21/03/2022 11:08

So why do you do all that on a Sunday? Why can’t you sit down and relax?

incognitoforthisone · 21/03/2022 11:11

It sounds like he'd really just like you to chill out a bit more instead of bustling round all day. Presumably it's your choice to do all these things? Did the bedrooms (plural) and bathrooms (also plural) really need your immediate attention?

You do sound a bit like you're expecting a medal for being busy, to be honest.

Holskey · 21/03/2022 11:13

As I was reading it, I was thinking "what an unpleasant day!"

That's beside the point though. Your dh doesn't have to fetch things for you.

You're always entitled to your feelings, bit I honestly can't see why you'd be "hurt". What's hurtful about it?

Waterfordaston · 21/03/2022 11:14

If I was married to someone that busy I’d be on edge.

BluebellStreet · 21/03/2022 11:15

I think YABU to be hurt by his comments.

Did you have to do all of those things?

Does he do the other half of the chores? Why are you making and cleaning up after both meals?

Rather than ask him to pass the remote you need to be telling him 'I made lunch so you make dinner' and 'I've cleaned the bathroom so you do the bedrooms'.

longwayoff · 21/03/2022 11:17

YABU. You're hurt? you should be bloody furious, you must be a very patient person.

Rathmobhaile · 21/03/2022 11:20

A lot of what you listed were things you choose to do. I presume you choose to do an 8 mile run and nobody made you? Also do the dogs need to be walked that much? As for the housework - delegate. I'd find you a bit of a martyr and being around someone like that can suck the joy out of being leisurely on a sunday. If you want to be that busy - its your choice.

EthelTheAardvark · 23/03/2022 09:32

Why on earth are you doing all this while he sits around? Surely it's time for a fixed arrangement to divide up chores including dog walking.

Underfrighter · 23/03/2022 09:49

I think it depends how it was done...if my husband was sitting next to me on the sofa, and asked me to do something that he could easily do himself, because he was knackered from runs and walks, I'd be a bit miffed

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