To be stressing about the fact I’ve had 13 days off since september

[Blueblossompinksky]

Honestly, is it pretty bad as far as time off is concerned? I’ve never had such a lot of time off and feel so bad.

@Blueblossompinksky

I have only been there since September. I don’t have a poor sickness record prior to this but of course it’s not that they are bothered about.

How much time off in total has been needed for childcare, between you and their father? Worth making sure your manager is aware that he has taken as much or more time off to care for them as you have. Lots of parents seem to think the mothers employer should take the full hit on child illness so it will benefit if you make clear you are ensuring your partner and his employer are doing their fair share.

It’s not so much that I think anyone will say ‘she took time off when she tested positive for covid, how ridiculous!’

It’s more the sort of eye rolls, off again, is she ever in, sort of attitude I’m worried about.

DH has taken time and has driven to grandparents over an hour away and worked remotely there too. We are fair.

I’ve given up worrying about mine. I’ve got epilepsy and I literally can’t go to work after some seizures. I can after some seizures but not all, that’s why I don’t feel bad because I try my best and don’t just stay off even if I have a two second absence seizure 🤷‍♀️

@Summerfun54321

I wouldn’t want to work for a company that took issue with sick days during a pandemic.

I doubt anyone will take issue with the nine covid days. Or the two other sick days.

It’s the three days of child illness that will raise alarm bells unless you can reassure them that your partner took time off to cover at least half of the episode. Unless you don’t have a partner in which case you don’t have that option.

Employers aren’t impressed with women who let their partners work go uninterrupted while her workplace accommodates being short staffed because of child health or care issues.

@Blueblossompinksky

DH has taken time and has driven to grandparents over an hour away and worked remotely there too. We are fair.

Yes but make sure your manager knows that too!

I’m not really talking about management though. It’s more a perception I suppose of how you’re seen in an organisation and I’m worried I’m ‘the one who is never in’ even though every single one has been genuine.

@Blueblossompinksky

I know the policy but just wondering if they are thinking flake … I’ve had 3 days child illness 9 covid and 2 sick days me. So 14 actually. Can’t add up.

Covid surely doesn't count. We are in a pandemic fgs! So after this update I think it's not that bad. I hope if you have a partner they take their share of child illness days otherwise it's not fair on you or your employer

Though if he can work remotely and you cannot, it isn’t actually equal - are you saying he took them to grandparents so they could care for them while you had to take time off work and care for them at home? That isn’t equal if so.

@Blueblossompinksky

It’s not so much that I think anyone will say ‘she took time off when she tested positive for covid, how ridiculous!’

It’s more the sort of eye rolls, off again, is she ever in, sort of attitude I’m worried about.

Have you heard this happening about other people? If you haven't, I think you're overthinking. If you have, I bet it's always the person who hasn't had a sick day in 20 years and prides themselves on coming into the office with flu and moans about other people taking time off when they catch it.

@Blueblossompinksky

I’m not really talking about management though. It’s more a perception I suppose of how you’re seen in an organisation and I’m worried I’m ‘the one who is never in’ even though every single one has been genuine.

I agree - in the first year it’s really important to avoid any time off if you can for that reason. I would suggest if your partner isn’t in a new job, he take all the emergencies for the next six months. Perception is important and it isn’t about whether it’s legitimate - it’s about the impression a new workplace gets of your commitment. Rightly or wrongly!

@girlmom21
Not sure I agree with you. It depends on the impact of the Ops absence on her colleagues. If it has no impact it likely won’t receive comment. If her work must be picked up by others then you are wrong to think it won’t generate judgement - spoken or unspoken - because people want reliable colleagues if unreliable colleagues generate more work for them!

I've just counted up how much time I've had off since September - 7 days for Covid, one day illness that required antibiotics after id struggled in all week, two days after a minor OP, so that's 10 days and now I have Covid again. I was thinking of changing jobs, but it would look pants if I'd changed jobs last summer and then had this much time off- work are understanding as I've only been off 3 times in 10 years previously. But I feel like I'm pushing it I'm trying not to care as one colleague does tend to be poorly an awful lot on Mondays.

[quote Annette32123]@girlmom21
Not sure I agree with you. It depends on the impact of the Ops absence on her colleagues. If it has no impact it likely won’t receive comment. If her work must be picked up by others then you are wrong to think it won’t generate judgement - spoken or unspoken - because people want reliable colleagues if unreliable colleagues generate more work for them![/quote]
I've never judged anyone for having time off sick where it's meant my workloads increased if I've believed them to be genuine.

If they asked for the day off, it was refused and then they call in sick then, yeah, I'll judge them.

Generally people who pull their weight and are team players don't take the mick.

You can tell what kind of colleague someone will be in the first couple of weeks.

I’m not sure why not equal @Annette32123, sometimes you can have an unwell child being in a car for over two hours, you know? We really do our best but also stuff happens.

In any event most of the absences have been mine, not DS.

Did you take sick leave for the child's illness? Why didn't you take unpaid or annual leave?

No, I didn’t take sick leave. We have 5 days paid leave for unwell children/relatives etc so I didn’t actually insist I had to have it unpaid!

I guess it could be helpful to try to think about how much of this "eye rolling" something that really happens and how much is just something you imagined or fear happens?

If you were one of your colleagues would you roll your eyes at your necessary absences?

Or would you say "Oh poor OP - they've got covid again, must be really hard to manage and she must be feeling bad about missing work".

You might find your colleagues less harsh and judgmental towards you than you are towards yourself.

That it's a part of you that has these feelings towards the you that needs to take sick leave. But maybe you put that judgmental harsh part of you into your colleagues voices.

@Bumpsadaisie I personally would. I mean, it does create extra work but that’s not the fault of the individual who is off!

[quote Blueblossompinksky]@Bumpsadaisie I personally would. I mean, it does create extra work but that’s not the fault of the individual who is off![/quote]
Hmm. Perhaps your colleagues are equally understanding and know you'd do the same for them if needed.

@Blueblossompinksky

I’m not sure why not equal *@Annette32123*, sometimes you can have an unwell child being in a car for over two hours, you know? We really do our best but also stuff happens.

It's not great to take a sick child on a long car journey just so your husband doesn't have to take a day off work. Why can't he look after his own child?

Honestly. Its not your fault but people do eye roll if it creates extra work for them, yes.
I eye roll when certain colleagues are sick again and mentally hear "sick" in inverted commas.

Its crying wolf, or being perceived as doing, that makes people irritated if they have to pick up the slack. One colleague arranges extra commitments then calls in sick so she doesn't have to do them. She actually believes she's sick - she's a complete hypochondriac who's always self diagnosing with one wildly different thing after another. I think its psychosomatic and that she actually makes herself "sick" with genuine physical symptoms caused by stress by taking on a higher workload than necessary (organising things she's not actually responsible for) but she doesn't see those things through and then one of the rest of the team has to handle the fallout while she has a duvet day. We're a small team and work 24/7/365 shifts so this often means giving up a free day. Its a management issue really - its her,but management should step in, but our line manager is weak and though he has meetings with her at our insistence, and I have told her outright that its not fair on the team as has another colleague, it never changes.

In your case presumably all the days off were unavoidable and just unlucky. All you can do is continue to only call in sick when genuinely sick and it'll even out long term.

Sometimes he has @GreenLunchBox. It’s just that we do honestly try to minimise disruption as much as we feasibly can. On that occasion DS was sick in nursery so 48 hour rule but was actually not really unwell at all. On other occasions, he has been. Where we can work, we do, I suppose is what I mean.

It’s the ‘sick’ I worry about.

Where I work we get 20 days sick leave on fu pay, and then anything beyond that on statutory sick pay.