To hate my anxiety

[Angryattrackandtrace]

I’m sick of being self obsessed. The other day someone didn’t say hi to me in the corridor and I spent HOURS going through it, replying it, working out what I’d done. The next day I saw them and they said Hi as normal. It was clearly all in my head.

This happens when someone doesn’t reply to a text, don’t like a post on social media, happen to sit next to someone else at lunch, meet a different friend at a break and don’t invite me…

I’m a proper adult and nearly 40. What the fuck is wrong with me? It’s exhausting.

I dread seeing things in social media, obsess that people don’t like me and I feel so Egosyntonic and selfish. I don’t want to make everything about me, but I’m literally so self obsessed 😩😣

Bump.

Have you tried therapy? A good therapist should be able to help you break these negative cycles. You might need to try a few before you find one you click with, but if you commit to it you stand a good chance if improving the behaviour.

YANBU, have you spoken to your GP?

I was prescribed sertraline for my anxiety last year and honestly, it has improved my life so much!

Practically speaking it might be worth taking a step back from social media or at least cutting back on the time spent/number of platforms you use.

Oh you poor thing. If I were you I wouldn’t underestimate what an unbalanced gut flora can do as the gut has a strong link with the brain and anxiety, try looking on You tube or google as might be able to find research on it. DS and I both had anxiety, his was crippling and we are both almost 100% clear of it now after taking good probiotics (I tried two, mixed into juice . Probio 7? I think and Biocult) and combining with a very good , and low sugar diet.
I honestly used to overanalyse everything and panic about any thing I had said and now my brain is so much more its normal self again

Don't know the answer but I would love to!

I used to be exactly the same.

Therapy plus a small does of Citalopram has helped me enormously. There will be a reason you’re like this and therapy will help you find it. Mine was childhood issues which I knew about but hadn’t considered properly how much they’d affected my mental health, the relief in knowing all this and being helped to deal with it, is just lovely!

(Diet is crucial as you need good prebiotics at the same time so lots good fruit and veg and stuff , and low/ no sugar as sugar can encourage the bad bacteria Don’t want I think )

Thank your so much for your responses.

I had therapy about 4 years ago and accessed some CBT but it was over the phone and I honestly already can’t remember it anymore.

It’s funny isn’t it… I don’t want to bother the GP and I’m terrified he/ she will a) think I’m wasting their time b) that I want something for nothing c) that I just want time off work.

What’s worse is no one seems to know what going on. They all think I’ve got my shit together. I’m functioning. I work out 5 times a week I’m productive. Yet I’m fucking going over a conversation I had 3 weeks ago and analysing their exact facial expressions and responses to the shit im saying.

I will do a google search for a therapist. Im so grateful you took the time that respond. Thank you.

Those who have tried therapy...how do you actually go about doing that? And how do you know what type?
OP I do exactly the same and it's exhausting. Fed up with these intrusive thoughts

I don't have the answer but have sympathy.
I have to try really hard to avoid certain people as they have such an effect on me.
I even changed my school run route to avoid certain people!

I hear you. I’m spiralling tonight, worrying about something that’s unlikely to come to pass. Probably going to stop me sleeping though!

ToooOldForThis I referred myself to my local mental health who offer an anxiety management group course…it helped but I’ll always be an anxious person.

Therapy is always a great choice. If you can afford private sessions then the “counselling directory” is a great place to look for a therapist. Speaking to your GP and getting on an NHS waiting list is a good idea too but, in the meantime, I’ve learnt lots of tips whilst on my own journey to manage my anxiety. Hopefully these might help you guys:

• There are lots of free resources, you just have to search a little. YouTube videos, podcasts, free courses etc. Just a YouTube search for “anxiety management tips” can be a great starting point.

• Check what resources your employer offers. My journey began thanks to a half hour course in work.

• Breathing is so important. Shallow breathing is common in anxious people but it tells our brain we’re in danger (we breathe shallow to prepare for a flight response) so try and be conscious of your breathing especially when actively panicking. Research breathing strategies and try to incorporate it into daily life.

• Scheduling time for, or personification of, your anxiety can be helpful strategies. Slotting in half an hour a day to worry about things and not worrying outside of this slot can provide a lot of freedom whilst still giving space to anxious thoughts. Or giving your anxiety a name and reasoning with “them”. Both strategies allow you to validate your anxious thoughts but not become consumed by them.

• There’s some great apps out there for mental health too. Some of my favourites include “headspace”, “headhelp”, “insight timer” and “dare”

• My mother swears by “tapping”. Not a strategy I’ve used but she says it’s changed her life so something to maybe explore.

• Journaling is great too. Sometimes just writing down anxious thoughts and then looking back at them can help us to see them from a more objective perspective and soothe our fears.

Sending love to you all! There’s nothing wrong with you, anxiety is a sneaky beast that can blindside you from no where but it does require effort to find the right strategies that work for you. Wishing you all luck on the journey!

I’m exactly the same op. No idea how to get out of it.

My anxiety is so bad it took over a year to speak to the dr about it. I was referred for CBT, like you it was over the phone. It was 4 sessions & that was it!

Do speak to the GP though, they won’t think you are wasting their time & therapy in you area may be a lot better than what’s on offer in our area.

This is more common then you think. It sounds like you are ruminating which is a compulsion and keeps the anxiety going.
Not trying to be an armchair psychologist but I wonder of you have some OCD type traits? It sounds like you obsess about other people's reactions to you and then go over and over it in your head.

Hmm I don’t think I really have any other traits of OCD… but I certainly obsess over things and go over and over them.

I feel like my confidence and self esteem are in tatters. I used to walk into a room with my head up high and now I can feel myself literally tuck my head in.

Although I am totally obsessed and anxious there are some contributing factors around my work/ relationships with colleagues. I’ve wanted to just weep all day. I’m so annoyed with myself.

This is so like my DH. If his boss doesnt say good morning he is in a state all day wondering what he has done, and all along his boss is just preoccupied.

He also has OCD too. He has improved with age and maturity but still gets worked up over nothing.

The key is breaking the cycle of going over it in your head. Trying to work out what the other person's behaviour means is keeping the obsession going. If you can stop the ruminating, you can lessen the frequency of the anxious thoughts. Much easier said than done but good therapy helps! You're not alone but you do need help as nobody deserves to live like this and you can get over it

How are you doing OP?

I seem to be quite up and down. Like I feel amazing and really in top of thing so then something really superficial comes along and gives me that feeling in my stomach and the dread… sometimes it takes me a day to even realise what it is that made me feel that way and it can be something stupid and when I know I can let it go. Other times I hold onto it liek a dog with a bone!

I’m waiting for a counsellor to assess me. I’m
Considering some medication. I’ve heard mixed reviews through….

Thank you for asking xx

I sympathize with you. I think some people's brains are just wired like this.

But.... I'm convinced that you can - at least partly - rewire those negative thoughts.

Everyone is different, but I found certain books really helpful. 'The Happiness Trap' by Russ Harris was very good. I think the techniques are based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

I also liked Michael Singer's books and videos on YouTube. He uses the exact example you mentioned: 'I was walking down the street and Sally ignored me.Why? What have I done wrong etc etc.'

He gives tips on how to stop dwelling on these sort of issues. His main idea is to "relax and release" - you acknowledge the feeling and then let it go straight away. You don't question it or turn it over in your mind, just release. It does take some practice, though!

Anything that helps your self-esteem can be useful too.

Good luck!

I would suggest looking into OCD too particularly ‘Pure O’ OCD. OCD has lots of different ways of presenting. A lot of people think it’s all about being tidy and lining things up - whereas things like cleaning OCD and symmetry OCD are subsets of the condition.

I have had OCD all my adult life and am chronically untidy because my OCD has different themes.

OCD broken down is having Obsessive thoughts that cause significant distress, Compulsions to try and alleviate the obsessive thoughts - and the D is that it is a debilitating disorder.

So someone with cleaning OCD isn’t cleaning because they enjoy seeing their taps sparkle - it is because of a conviction that if they don’t clean a certain way, something catastrophic will happen.

With Pure O, compulsions are not visible, but compulsions are within the thoughts - so compulsively going over an event, or compulsively reassuring oneself about an event or similar.

Have a look at the OCD UK and OCD Action websites to see if what they describe rings any bells

Glad you saw the counsellor OP, I've called the GP today and made an initial appointment so I feel quite positive. Altho I definitely identify with the up and down, it's exhausting!

@OttimoMassimo these videos sound useful thank you!

@ToooOldForThis I found the self referral for talking therapy but I am still considering medication to be honest. So pleased you took that step.

It’s exhausting going from being on top of the world to the dumps isn’t it.
@Servalan I’ll take a look. I’ll be honest I know nothing about OCD but definitely worth looking, thanks.

@OttimoMassimo I’m jusy popping onto Amazon to order the happiness trap. I’ve heard of that one before actually!!! Thanks for taking the time xx