To be stop guitar lessons if not practicing?

[schrev123]

DS been learning guitar at school for about 6 months. Zero practice at home. Despite reminding & encouragement. He doesn't want to give up lessons though. It's costing a fair bit & we're feeling the squeeze... is there any value in continuing the lessons - if he loved it he's chose to practice right?

How old is he?

Depends how old. We kept up guitar lessons for DD for four years with I would say fairly minimal practice at times. I don't regret it because guitar is something that can be picked up and enjoyed at any time in your life, but the technique takes a while to come. Do the lessons involve any chords?

How old and is there a big performance at the end?

DS never practised once in junior school but he really enjoyed the final primary school performance at a concert hall.

No, if he’s not practising it doesn’t happen.

Same with my daughter. She didn't love it. She would come ho.e and put it all away till the following week. She enjoyed her £13 lesson a week. But each week she didn't improve. I made the choice to stop them and she was hesitant but it was the right choice.

No practice no lessons. How does he think all those people he listens to succeeded? Howver maybe his muse will arrive later. But he can still keep it at home and play. Just wasting your money and the teachers time imo

I think it's fair enough to say if he doesn't practice the lessons have to stop. If he's got the guitar, he can always play it himself now he knows the basics, and if he regains an interest you can start lessons again.

Sorry to take a suspicious route with this, but I'm thinking he enjoys missing all or part of a lesson!
I'd give him a time frame (say two weeks), and tell him unless he practices at least, say, every other day you will cancel the lessons.

We have been in the same boat OP. We pay for a 20 minute lesson a week and all we ask is that she picks her instrument up for 10 minutes a day and plays it. She resists so I threatened to take it back to the school the following Monday. I bagged it up and everything. That totally worked for a bit bit now she is resisting a bit so I am resting her exam pieces a bit and let her play anything she finds on YouTube. I really don’t want her to stop cos she loves her lessons and is doing well. But the fighting over 10 minutes a day is so fucking draining!

Pointless if he doesn't practice - sorry! No-one is going to improve unless they play outside the lesson. It's a waste of money. I had one DS who only wanted to do practical music lessons as a way of bunking off other subjects and one who you had to forcebly separate from his instrament at bed time - if they don't practice they won't progress, l'm afraid that's all there is to it ...

Yeah, i expect practice if they want to have lessons. Depending on age how much support I'm willing to give with practice itself or impetus to start practice.
Problem here is you've let it go a long time without a practice habit getting set in. If DC is still insistent on wanting to learn and willing to give it a go, could you talk to teacher and get them to coach a basic practice routine, then pick with DC a time in the day that it will happen each day. (E.g. after dinner, or when gets in from school, or before tooth brushing or whatever works depending on your routine. I'm trying to pick landmarks that happen every day so it can be a no brainer 'guitar time now'. )

Absolutely cancel. They don’t progress and it annoys the teacher. Plus I think it sends a really bad message about not having to contribute anything and just having your parents poor money down the drain. DD didn’t practice piano so we stopped the lessons, 2 years later she’s trying a new instrument and is practicing every day, in part I think because she knows we mean it when we say we aren’t going to pay for lessons of age can’t do her part.

yeah, they have to practise. It's mind numbingly dull to start off with, but without practice you don't get to the not-dull bits, sadly.

Not sure how old he is, but does he know how to practise? I know that might sound weird, but in the early days we spend a while helping the DC understand that even 10mins practice can have very different results depending on how you use your time. You could offer to sit with him for a bit if that helps?

Yes you should cancel lessons.

If he's enjoying the lessons I'd carry on with them. My DD got to Grade 8 on one instrument and Grade 6 on another without ever practicing at home but she is part of the school orchestra and another music group which adds a lot of value to her free time.

Ds1 at 9 asked for piano lessons then hit a patch when he just wouldn't practice. I told him if it continued I'd cancel them. It did and I did.

He picked it up again at uni and went on to achieve his Grade 8. If and when they're interested, they'll put in the work but it has to come from them.

I read something useful about recognising who has ownership of each decision. So your son has ownership of the decision whether to practise or not, and you have ownership of the decision whether you’re willing to pay if practice isn’t happening. Might be a way of explaining it to him too.

He's 11. y7.. so wanted to give him as many opps as possible at start of secondary sch. He practised at first but it soon slipped & the weeks go by so quickly we all forget I think! I'm not nagging him. We've threatened no practice then no lessons for a term now.. just felt guilty about taking away an opportunity. But, he's had fair warning & it's not changed. I'll give him til the end of this term with agreed fixed times for 10 mins a couple of days a week & if still no commitment from him then we won't continue next term. He definitely does like to miss school lessons for the guitar ones too

What does your DS want to achieve on the guitar? Are his lessons feeding that or are they a completely different sort of playing? For example, if he wants to learn to play chords so he can sing along with YouTube videos but the lessons are teaching notes to twinkle twinkle little star, it may be the case that his desire and his lessons are incompatible but lessons elsewhere may be more motivating.

The point someone else made about needing to know what good practice looks like is an excellent one too. Too often, children are expected to practise but don't really know what that means. The best music teachers will give very specific instructions and guidance on this e.g. play one of the warm ups on p.10 three times, play The Gig on p.16 all the way through then have a go at bars 4-8 (only). Try to pluck that first note really firmly and get quieter gradually until the end of bar 8. This should take at least 10 minutes.

In the early days of instrument learning, we incentivised it for my DCs. Learning an instrument had been their choice but they didn't always want to practise. We expected practice on at least 5 days out of 7, it's 6 days now. We've offered 50p per productive practice (DC decides what they want to achieve per practice and keeps track), X minutes of practice over a month = a day out of their choosing, 30 or 100 continuous days of practice without needing to be reminded warranted another prize etc. etc. These days, we find they've really responded to letting us know when their practice will happen each day instead of us making that decision for them.

Sounds like he needs to develop the habit to practice. Draw up a timetable and stick to it. Start small, perhaps 5 minutes a day. Once that sticks, start extending the time. You’ll probably find once he starts, he’ll do more, but starting is the hardest step.