To not want my parents to move to my town?

[SixteenTwelve]

DPs are looking to move to be closer to my brother and I and to release some money from their current house by moving to a cheaper area.

They have been looking at areas generally in between where I live and where DB lives but today they went to see a house in my town.

Context is I moved here with DP in the autumn and it is DPs home town so his parents and some of his friends live here. We have our own little life here that we really love. I feel like if they moved here I would be responsible for helping them to settle in and dealing with any issues. I also would feel like we couldn’t leave if we wanted to because they moved here to be with us.

I know DPs parents live here but I think that is different because:
-they were already here when we moved and have their own community and friends in the area
-they are generally a lot better than my parents at giving us our space.

I love my parents and see them probably once every 2-3 weeks and WhatsApp daily. AIBU to not want them to move on my doorstep?

Yanbu.
But speak now, or forever hold your peace.
My grandparents upped sticks and moved to the next street to my mum. (Roughly 150 miles). They had never been close and my mum was horrified.
She actually upped sticks herself a few years later and moved 150 miles in the opposite direction.

Dh and I live in a small town A, first dh's mum and dad moved here from town B, then dh's sister, her husband and kids moved here from town C, my mum and her husband are now moving here from town D in a couple of weeks time... What can I say, it's a nice town?!!

Can you suggest they find somewhere between so they can see DB more also in case you move? (Also hinting that you might move).

@StoneofDestiny

Amazes me parents/IL's don't ask before they move to the areas their children live in. I'd ask mine what they thought about it - intuitively I'd assume it would be viewed intrusive. The very idea of viewing a house next door to adult children without them suggesting it is amazing.

Tbf H shut that conversation down immediately. And I did make it clear that we have our own lives to live. I’ve shut down any comments about my work or hobbies taking time away from the family… and I prioritise my stuff over spending time with them. They aren’t my parents.

@BiscuitLover3678

Can you suggest they find somewhere between so they can see DB more also in case you move? (Also hinting that you might move).

That was their original plan but between them being able to move anywhere and also the dearth of houses on the market they have widened their net to my town 😳

@Bluetrews25

Mid 60s is not old. Why on earth would they want to move away from all their friends (assuming they have any!) and everything they know? How far would they be moving? It's a huge mistake to make your family your only friends. Maybe you need a full and frank discussion about how you will not be available to them any more than you are now. But judging on your comment about how you and DB have failed to set boundaries before, this may not work!

I don’t know really. They just say they have lived in their current area for 35 years and want to live somewhere different before they are too old🤷🏼‍♀️

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Yanbu. But speak now, or forever hold your peace. My grandparents upped sticks and moved to the next street to my mum. (Roughly 150 miles). They had never been close and my mum was horrified. She actually upped sticks herself a few years later and moved 150 miles in the opposite direction.

I love this!

I don't think YABU to feel how you do but it's a hard conversation to have when you chose to live in the same town as your ILs.
I don't think I'd be able to tell them. Maybe have a frank discussion about the fact that you might not always live there, and that you only see ILs once a week (or however often it is) to discourage and manage expectations.

I think you do need to have a conversation with them. Perhaps point out the advantages of where DB lives.

Haha it is tempting! I think they think that’s too far away front my DGrandad though unfortunately

An update, OP?