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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pregnant, work, clothes, argh

22 replies

Jourdain11 · 20/03/2022 15:55

I'm 12 weeks pregnant, child number 4 and I have not yet told work that I am pregnant. I'm keen to hold off because (firstly) our team manager has lately been in a horrible mood and I'm not looking forward to the conversation, and secondly this pregnancy occurred following a serious illness and it isn't risk-free. Everything seems good so far (both with the baby and my health) but it's going to be a bit nail-biting. I'm also older than I was when I had my 3 DC (I'm 34 now and was 25 when I had DD1) and just feel less like shouting it from the rooftops, somehow!

Issue is, I've been home for most of the last 2 weeks because I had Covid and then DD1 and DD2 both had it and were off school (I was able to wfh). Tomorrow I'll be back and over the last week, my bump has really, REALLY popped out. None of my clothes are fitting properly, my bras don't fit, and I just look really pregnant. Everything's uncomfortable, I feel like I need to pee CONSTANTLY and I'm getting really bad wind which keeps "releasing" itself at the most embarrassing moments. I don't know a) how I'm going to cram myself into my work clothes for a whole day tomorrow and b) how anyone is going to fail to notice I'm pregnant.

I know that after 3 kids I could have expected this but either I've forgotten (DS, the youngest, is 6) or I'm showing way earlier than I did with the other three. I don't remember my boobs getting so massive this early and I think the fact that I'm so bloated is making me look bigger too.

Seriously considering a mad dash to the shops... or ordering a heap of stuff online and somehow (but how?) making do tomorrow...

OP posts:

Cakecakecheese · 20/03/2022 15:58

What size is your partner? Could you borrow a shirt?

Original poster

Jourdain11 · 20/03/2022 15:58

Alternative is go to work in a sack tomorrow and say the washing machine broke down...

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 20/03/2022 15:59

There was no hiding my 3rd pregnancy from 10weeks. Everyone politely pretended they didnt know until I told someone at 14 weeks but the entire workplace knew

Hankunamatata · 20/03/2022 16:00

And I thought I was being clever by wearing floaty tops

Original poster

Jourdain11 · 20/03/2022 16:14

@Cakecakecheese

What size is your partner? Could you borrow a shirt?

I was actually thinking this - I could go in his shirt, but it'd have to be with tights or leggings since I cannot do up any of my trousers.

I only have one properly loose dress, but unfortunately the top bit is quite fitted and my boobs are, if not bursting out, quite uncomfortable...

OP posts:

InvisibleDragon · 20/03/2022 16:18

Big drapey cardigan?

Original poster

Jourdain11 · 20/03/2022 16:21

I've got one which is drapey and which I do wear for work, but it's not really drapey enough to conceal much. I have just remembered that I have a sort of shawl thing, but it's what to put on the lower bit of me that's the problem!

OP posts:

FelicityPike · 20/03/2022 16:21

A hair bobble through the buttonhole & round the button on your trousers?

Original poster

Jourdain11 · 20/03/2022 16:38

Aha! I've dug out a jersey dress which is usually quite loose-fitting. It's a bit snug but I think it looks alright. I'm not too sure about the buttonhole solution (which I did contemplate!) because there's about a 5cm gap and I'm kind of worried that it might ping off when I sit down.

Honestly, I feel like I look about 5 months at least!! Some of it's bloat but there is definitely a proper bump showing.

OP posts:

BritWifeInUSA · 20/03/2022 17:05

Do you really think anyone will pay that much attention? I’ve never really felt the need to study the figures of other women and speculate about whether they might be pregnant or not.

Kittykatmacbill · 20/03/2022 17:15

I was like this pregnancy two as well, I went back after having dd1 at 10 weeks and looked hilariously pregnant then.

I am a big confused about being high risk and not telling work? Shouldn’t you inform so they can make adjustment.

Rrrob · 20/03/2022 17:19

Same situation here. I’ve been at home the last 2 weeks because we had covid. Now 18 weeks and suddenly huge.

Original poster

Jourdain11 · 20/03/2022 17:20

I am obviously just nosey, because I would definitely speculate about colleagues! I've got a fair number of perfectly lovely colleagues who will quite happily gossip about anything, so I don't think I'm being too unrealistic/self-obsessed...

There's not much they would need to put in place in terms of adjustments, but I kind of don't want to tell because I'm still nervous something might go/be wrong and I don't want everyone to know in case that happens. Sorry if it sounds weird...

OP posts:

Thebig3 · 20/03/2022 17:22

I was similar cinema my 3rd pregnancy. I was convinced everyone knew. Main thing is no-one will ask you!!

Do you have a desk job, I used to just slyly undo my trousers when I was sat down!

Original poster

Jourdain11 · 20/03/2022 17:37

Part desk, part client facing - lots of jumping up and going to meeting rooms!

I am quite small boned, straight up-and-down, slim ordinarily, so it looks (to me at least) very noticeable.

OP posts:

Overthebow · 20/03/2022 18:17

You can use a hair for waistband button holes of trousers don’t do up. Loop it round the button and then through the button hole, and your trousers will magically be fastened. Then loose top or shirt to hide it.

TyrannosaurusRights · 20/03/2022 19:29

People aren’t as observant as you give them credit for. Apparently some of the neighbours didn’t realise I was pregnant until I came home with a baby. I wasn’t that small, they just weren’t paying attention.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/03/2022 20:08

@TyrannosaurusRights

Or they notice and quite rightly decide it's none of their business.

I've noticed women at work quite early on, but it's nothing to do with me unless they decide to say something or puke up over my desk three mornings in a row. After all, they might have just put on a bit of weight, have bloating or fibroids or be waiting for confirmation everything is alright - it's not for me to quiz them.

TyrannosaurusRights · 20/03/2022 22:13

Small, farming type village. Those who did notice didn’t do polite pretence. Those who didn’t aren’t inclined that way either. I’ve been essentially told off that I didn’t tell - pretty sure I was expected to take out an ad in the village newletter. It helps I carry small and had a winter coat for the last trimester. But the point is at 12 weeks almost anyone could be just putting on a few pounds/having some gastric issues and bloat.

Original poster

Jourdain11 · 21/03/2022 11:29

I managed to pull together an outfit but it's not very comfortable! I'm definitely going to try to get to the shops today (for some bras if for nothing else...).

OP posts:

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/03/2022 11:40

@Jourdain11

I managed to pull together an outfit but it's not very comfortable! I'm definitely going to try to get to the shops today (for some bras if for nothing else...).

Bralettes and sleep bras are definitely your friend right now. Add in some stretchy trousers and that should keep you comfortable until you're ready to tell them officially!

Original poster

Jourdain11 · 21/03/2022 16:58

Managed to get out at lunch and buy some bras and a couple of loose tops and one pair of stretchy trousers. I feel like a pregnancy novice (DS is 6) but I don't think I was showing anywhere near so early with the others. With DD2 nobody believed I was close to due date and she was a very normal size!

OP posts:

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