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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to try and talk child out of work placement abroad

62 replies

Lycra60 · 20/03/2022 07:45

My child is in last year at Uni + is looking to take a work experience placement in Mexico City. I am hugely concerned as it seems to be a very dangerous place. AIBU to try and talk them out of it. Already I can’t sleep and it’s affecting my partner who thinks I am totally silly.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 20/03/2022 09:18

Usually I'd be all for spreading wings and working abroad. Recently read American Dirt

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Dirt

Might be worth a look.

EmiliaAirheart · 20/03/2022 09:20

Would you like to share your extensive experience in Mexico then, @underneaththeash?

I lived there for years, visited many times and have Mexican in laws. I still maintain this would be a great experience for her.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/03/2022 09:20

I’d be worried too OP.

loulou2012 · 20/03/2022 09:36

I can understand your concern about your child travelling to a foreign country, however trying to stop your child may have the opposite effect and encourage them to pull away from you. My sister lives in mexico and has done for almost 20 years (in different parts) she now has mexican family having settled there. There are undoubtedly issues with drugs however, your child can still have a wonderful experience there but for a novice traveller mexico city may be a bit of a shock, in the same way that many big cities would be such as new York, India, which can be enjoyed as long as you are careful.

HW1989 · 20/03/2022 10:01

I went to Mexico City 3 years ago and thought it was an amazing city (part of 3 months travel around Mexico). Surprised me how lovely it was there. Please don’t try to stop them, they are an adult and free to make their own decisions and have amazing life experiences. And the food there is just incredible!

EastEndQueen · 20/03/2022 10:29

It’s normal to worry OP but I think you need to keep that from your DC as they do have to live their lives. And that is terrifying and difficult but must be allowed to to happen.

Presume no back story about their behaviour/ character which would make you additionally anxious about their ability to stay safe? I would just make sure they know that they do need to stay aware and conscious (I’m not familiar with Mexico, but have spent time in other parts of the world where you do have to be careful) For example that things that would probably be ‘fine’ and normal parts of the learning curve in the UK (driving in unfamiliar parts of a city at night, getting so hammered on a night out that you can’t plan your way home clearly, using recreational drugs etc) may well end far more seriously out there. This is not intended to make you feel worse, quite the opposite - with appropriate care, danger doesn’t need to just happen. All of the above is true in many cities including London at times!

Is there someone you and your DC can talk to with experience living or working in a city like Mexico City? It might be worth asking around at work etc as people have friends, siblings etc etc who might have. It could put your mind at rest to talk to them and also know that your DC has had good advice.

In terms of not being able to sleep etc - that is on you I’m afraid. Seek out counselling, mindfulness, yoga etc and to help. I say that as someone who has had crippling health anxiety in the past which effected my relationship also. I had to seek support which make me better and it was the only way

Original poster
Lycra60 · 20/03/2022 10:34

Should also say they don’t speak any Spanish (and doubt there’s time to learn more than a couple of basic words). An older child travelled (China) + I had nowhere near same worries - especially when Covid may have made things worse.
I know I can’t stop them, but don’t feel it would derail their job prospects if they didn’t go - or tried somewhere else. Uni seems all glossy pics + positives, but then why do they need a friggin security company doing safety plans!!

OP posts:
Keladrythesaviour · 20/03/2022 10:38

I would talk your concerns through with DC calmly - raise the level of lawlessness and possible dangers - and then let them make up their own mind. They don't need to look to you for permission or agreement. Just make sure they've thought everything through (how would they cope in xyz scenario) and then wish them well and be excited for them.

Mammatobearandaxel · 20/03/2022 10:39

Lived in Mexico City for 2 years from 2017-2019. Loved it. Had the time of my life. Never felt unsafe. You just need to stay out of the more dodgy bits which are on the outskirts anyway! Spanish is needed hardly anyone speaks English.

Papayamya · 20/03/2022 10:41

Is the work experience placement arranged by the university? Is it part of a wider initiative so is there support infrastructure for overseas students there? Are there any other alternatives that offer the same experience?

There's a difference between going alone essentially and just turning up to a work placement and to being part of an organised scheme which has considered and implemented stuff to do with safety. I think in this instance it's fine to talk to her about your concerns, as you say its not simply going abroad that's worrying, but going somewhere with an extremely high crime rate.

Mammatobearandaxel · 20/03/2022 10:44

@OneFootintheRave Mexico City is huge, I lived there for 2 years and only ever went to less than a quarter of it!

bellac11 · 20/03/2022 10:45

You're right to worry but you're not right to try to 'talk them out of it'

He is a grown adult. We really need to stop infantilising young adults.

underneaththeash · 20/03/2022 10:45

@EmiliaAirheart I’ve never lived there. But DH was effectively taken hostage in a cab at the airport. Driver dumped him at the side of the road miles away having taken all his money. Police pick him up and then demand a bribe for taking him back to his hotel.
DB goes a couple of years ago and almost exactly the same thing happens again, except this time he’s also beaten up.
I’ve only had the misfortune to visit once and I’ve felt safer in Joberg.

Kolani · 20/03/2022 10:46

It’ll be a No, from me too @OP and the more research you do, the more you realise Mexico, ISN’t just like any other city.

HiKelsey · 20/03/2022 11:03

I'd say why not give them all the techniques to protect themselves, offer to pay for them to do a form of self defense to ease your anxieties. But don't push them not to go, I'm in my early 20s and if my mum told me not to do something I'd be more likely to do it (not if illegal). Its a time for adventure and finding their own way in the world

HiKelsey · 20/03/2022 11:05

How about finding other safer but similar places to show DC? Maybe somewhere you'd both like so that you're not saying an absolute no to going abroad but so that you know they're safe

Comfortableatlast · 20/03/2022 11:11

It is a bit of both from me, they are an adult, you can't stop them, but you can beat them to death with information.

Riseholme · 20/03/2022 11:12

I’d be worried too.
However my son in law drove from the Uk to Mongolia with 3 others when he was about 20.
They got bribed in most countries they went through but had dollars to deal with it.
Lots of research is the answer.
Perhaps the British consulate could give advice.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 20/03/2022 11:31

@Riseholme Perhaps the British consulate could give advice
I was going to suggest this too. If she is going via an organisation, they may well have more information about how well it works and can advise you about any support they may have or areas to live in.

SpikeySmooth · 20/03/2022 11:37

Of course I'd be worried. I'd insist my DC phones home weekly at least. But I can't stop him going.

AlexaShutUp · 20/03/2022 11:44

OP, I get that you're concerned. My dd wants to do medicine and is already talking about wanting to work overseas for MSF for a couple of years. I have visions of her ending up in a war zone or something, and it terrifies me. BUT...

I lived overseas when I was younger in a very unstable country, and it was the best experience of my life by a long way. I was pushed way outside my comfort zone, I learnt so much and I had so many incredible experiences. And even though I knew my mum was worried sick, she supported me 100%, and I will forever be grateful for that. I will do the same for my dd when the time comes.

You probably won't be able to turn off the worry, but it's your dc's life and you have to support them to live it in whatever way they choose. Don't try to talk them out of it.. they might end up regretting it forever and resenting you for it. Just help them to plan it as safely as possible.

AlexaShutUp · 20/03/2022 11:45

@HiKelsey

How about finding other safer but similar places to show DC? Maybe somewhere you'd both like so that you're not saying an absolute no to going abroad but so that you know they're safe
You can't say an absolute no in any case. The OP's dc is an adult and will presumably make their own decisions!
PaulaTrilloe · 20/03/2022 11:59

I lived in an Asian city at the age of 18 in an intercultural scholarship, attended high school and lived with a local host family. At that time noone spoke English so had to learn the language fast. Took 3 months. City could be dangerous and I was visibly different. Possibly the most intense learning experience of my entire life and had given me amazing resilience. If it was too dangerous the organising body will have risk contingency plans & insurance
for evacuation, relocation and repatriation and they will follow Foreign Office guidance

viques · 20/03/2022 12:02

What work experience is available in Mexico that needs someone who doesn’t speak a word of Spanish!!!!

Coyoacan · 20/03/2022 12:15

I've been living in Mexico City since 1976 and it is pretty safe. I take public transport and taxis. I don't live in a posh area either

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