Too different to my friends

[VioletWitchery1]

AIBU to wish my friends and I were more alike. I know that this may come across badly but I sometimes feel like I stand out like a sore thumb with my friends. They are very nice people but whenever we have talks about things they always seem stuck in the past. I probably do read more about recent topics like feminist issues and women's rights. I'm not religious at all but I'm also not someone who shoves that down people's throats but one of my friends always tries to bait me. She goes on about the Bible being true and that I can't explain things in the world unless there is a God and I honestly try to avoid these topics as it's just red flags for me. I'm a member of a lot of women's rights groups and really want to start marching and going to protests as I'm desperate to meet other women/mothers who are more like me but I just don't want to always feel like I'm on the outside with my current friends. AIBU?
Also one of my friends struggles badly with her mental health and another friend lost someone close to her last year and I'm aware that their beliefs help so I'd never belittle them. I just don't think it's fair that they do it to me.

I think perhaps it's time to distance yourself from them and make some new friends.

find new friendsthat you like, respect & have more in common with?

Yeah I couldn't be friends with someone who was always on about the bible being true, god has a plan etc etc. Its fine if thats your belief, but to have it rammed down your throat all the time (I have experienced this myself with an old friend), is too much.

I distanced myself and the friendship died out. I'd suggest you do the same.

I would be honest and tell them before moving away. Explain you don't want to loose the friendship.

I don't think you have to be exactly like all your friends and there is a lot of value in having a diverse set of friends both because that way you'll probably cover more of your own back ground and personality (because no one friend is likely to be exactly the same as you and it would be a bit weird and stifling if they were), and because it keeps you connected to more of society if your friends are diverse.

I think you have two separate issues here -

1 - That some of your current friends are disrespectful to you by pushing their beliefs on to you rather than accepting you as you are

2 - That you'd like some friends who share some of your other values.

Your current friends may not realise they upset you when they talk about things that are important to them in a way that is inherently critical of you. It may seem weird when it seems so obvious to you, but many people who hold are enmeshed in religious communities are there in part because they aren't great with ambiguity and so their social skills aren't always top notch either. You could try telling them you'd prefer they didn't try to persuade you like they do. that you can see they get comfort from their beliefs but it doesn't ring true for you and you think they should give you the same tolerance and respect you give them.

On point 2, if you have interests or values that are important to you you definitely wants some friends that share them. So finding more friends is a good idea. You don't have to lose your current ones to do that. Just try and get involved with some groups. Make connections and follow up. Invite people for coffee. Accept invitations. See who you get on with. It can take time when you're not thrown together everyday like in work situations, so don't be discouraged if things peter out the first few times. Just keep at it.

I think you could go on marches, join feminist groups and make friends that you are more ideologically in tune with without cutting off your current friends.

I don't think you have to be exactly like all your friends and there is a lot of value in having a diverse set of friends both because that way you'll probably cover more of your own back ground and personality and because it keeps you connected to more of society if your friends are diverse.

I think you have two separate issues here -

1 - That some of your current friends are disrespectful to you by pushing their beliefs on to you rather than accepting you as you are

2 - That you'd like some friends who share some of your other values.

The post says it perfectly. Having friends isn't like being in a monogamous relationship, you can have an unlimited amount of them. Some friends maybe won't be soul mate best friends because you don't see eye to eye on important topics, but can still be fun to spend time with. It's also not your current friends fault that you don't have other friends, they aren't stopping you from making more friends or from going to protests if that's what you want.

The one that keeps baiting you sounds annoying though, I'd maybe distance myself from her.

You have to remember they probably have a similar opinion about you.
I am not one for feminist chat, l don't see myself as a victim because l' m female, years ago maybe, but what started out as a crusade against genuine prejudice has now become a form of pointless attention seeking, look at the threads on here. Only 19 per cent of women identify as feminist now which isn't surprising since it's become so dull.
You are not even allowing your friends to be who they really are, because it doesn't fit in with you and what you believe, which defeats the whole purpose of the feminist movement.

What Moonface said just there 👆🏼

I think it helps massively to think of friendships in different categories.
You can have local friends where the basis of the friendship is quite superficial but genuine: talk about your DC, the garden, holidays. Swap recipes and produce, look after each other's children and pets when needed. These aren't soul mates but they are rewarding day to day friendships.

Then there are people you connect deeply with over a single passion - a hobby or political interest. You may not have much else in common but this binds you and you can chat for hours together.

Sounds like you need to find more of the second type because they are lacking in your life right now, and then just enjoy the other friends as a more surface level (but very valuable) social set.

I know what you are saying but I also think that I allow them to be who they are as I am the one who often goes to places they want to go and I take one of my friends to her local church so she can have time there as she finds it comforting. It's hard to make friends at 43 especially when you're stuck with the parents of your kids friends and or work colleagues. We moved to a new area and so don't get to see my own friends that I grew up with very often.
Also you don't have to be a feminist to care about women. I'm not dull and I have lots of interests, I guess I needed to do this thread to wake up a bit and start getting out again.

It's hard to make friends, that's for sure.

But you've already got a great idea for something you'd like to get involved in, which might help you meet people. Your friends don't have to go with you. It's better if they don't in a way, easier to talk to new people and it's something to tell them about when you meet you next.

Well joining a feminist group or another interest group might make you new friends but if it doesn't, it will still be interesting