Dh addicted to mobile phone

[Mobilewidow]

Ok so I am unreasonable to a point as I literally blew up last night. We have 4 kids and a family business. We work our arses off and with kids ay home rarely get time alone. We had planned an early night together and to spend time together. Managed to get all kids in bed for 9pm. All great. Except his programme came on. European chanel, so its a 2 hour long bloody episode in a language I don't understand. Well, actually no. I understand enough. But it's just stop long and bloody boring. Lots of sword fighting and the horse journeys take forever. Unlike a UK show would have been a snap shot etc. Its like the whole bloody journey! Sorry had to get that off of my chest.

He normally fast forwards, but I stuck it up and I watch it with him and I don't say anything. I want him to relax a bit. Accept..... he has his phone on as well with Facebook videos. One after the other. Again I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to be in a bad mood. But I can't cope with the noise of both appliances playing 2 different things. It makes my head funny. I can't cope with lots of noise. So after a while I got a bit fed up and said I'm going upstairs because if we don't go know the youngest will wake up and then I will be doing night feeds etc. Breastfeeding. He said OK I will be in after the film. I roll my eyes and go. I was hoping for a bit of intimacy but fine, whatever. He finally comes up. I'm still awake and out comes the bloody phone. Video after video etc. And it's like this every day! Breakfast, dinner, bed, when he's in the toilet. Plays it loud when he's in the shower. I don't know why but it really bothered me last night. You try and talk to him, he looks at you angry like you have interrupted an important meeting. He really is addicted to his phone. He doesn't see the problem. I know I am being unreasonable for snapping at him. And he did put it away but I feel like I have to have a tantrum of sort to get a bit of attention! And that's not right. Any advice what I can do from here?

Sorry that was really long! In short. Dh addicted to watching crap on his phone and I am at my wits end

Except** not accept

I know what you mean. I see so many people absolutely furious to be disturbed on their phones. It really puts a spell on them. Needs a serious calm chat.

There are separate issues here. You didn’t say anything about the film. You didn’t say you wanted intimacy. He’s not a mind reader - how is he supposed to know you don’t want to watch it or want to have some fun if you don’t tell him?

As for the phone, that’s something you need to have a call conversation about when the moment isn’t heated.

@bananabutter sorry I should of added. He did know. Because he was the one to suggest the evening together etc. It was talked about before hand. But once that phone is in his hand he looses sense of time.

He works very hard. He never uses it at work so I get it to a certain point. But I put mine away when it's family time etc. And I'm not on it all day unless I need it for work etc

Also I have talked about it befor. But he doesn't see the issue. He thinks he's on it for 10 minutes but it's actually been an hour, as an example. The look I get when I interrupt his video! I pointed out he can pause the video. He's not going to miss anything. But sometimes I need to say something that can't wait until he's finished watching boxing matches, pranks that are fake and reality TV shows from his joke country etc. It's relentless. The kids now have to say dad, mums talking to you to get his attention as sometimes he can't even hear me! I have suggested he's not happy, as he can't 'see me' but he has said not at all and he is very much in love with me and content with life. So I'm seeing it as an addiction

Why is he watching something on the TV and his phone at the same time? That's daft

He doesn't have a hobby. He's not interested in having one, and our schedules don't allow the time to commit to anything. And to be honest it wouldn't help as after his hobby he would have less time with me and still use his phone.

Sorry just added this in incase anyone suggests he needs another vice/hobby

@blinkingheckythump no idea. He says oh I want to know what is happening but also can't stop himself with the phone. I have joked in the passed that it is his second wife.

[quote Mobilewidow]@bananabutter sorry I should of added. He did know. Because he was the one to suggest the evening together etc. It was talked about before hand. But once that phone is in his hand he looses sense of time.

He works very hard. He never uses it at work so I get it to a certain point. But I put mine away when it's family time etc. And I'm not on it all day unless I need it for work etc[/quote]
So why didn’t you remind him? Why just sit there, let it happen and then be annoyed at him?

@bananabutter because I'm fed up with reminding him. And getting horrible looks when interrupting him. It just really pissed me off last night. And I was trying not to have an argument. But that obviously back fired. Like I said I know I am unreasonable for all that. But it's relentless and I have kind of given up but still pissed

YANBU. I feel addicted to my phone sometimes but always make sure I put it away out of sight when I'm spending time with family. DP does this now too as we would argue about each other being more engrossed in our phones than whatever we were doing or watching on TV. Could you try and agree that after a certain time you put phones away?

Yes @infivemins that's something we agreed on a long time ago. And I do it. But then he will get bored or the kids will ask for help with something and I come back and it's there. Is it bad that I'm jealous of a phone!?

You need a chat when the phone's not around about the effect all of this is having, to say nothing of the dreadful example he is setting for your children. Try setting some ground rules, including no phones during meals, and perhaps a Half hour timer set when he starts watching something to remind him to come off it. Warn him that if he insist on checking out of family life all the time, there will just be no point for you in staying in the marriage.

Yes your right. I need to do that

So some good news. Dh has put a timer on his phone and it tells him when he's been on it for half an hour. So hopefully things improve. He seemed to listen.

Excellent! Let's hope it works.