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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask for a detour ?

30 replies

ohleboulot · 18/03/2022 23:25

I live in a capital city. No car.

Last week I got back to my neighborhood from work, went to the supermarket, did a decent sized shop, carried my heavy bags home arrived in front of my front door at 8.35 pm and realized I'd left my keys at the office. Bad week because partner with keys was abroad and cleaning lady who has the other set was on holiday.

I'm 55 minutes from work on public transport + 15 minutes walk from where I work so 2H30 hour round trip. Plus office is inside a campus that's a total bore to access past 9pm without the key fob. 40 minutes each way in taxi - about 30-35 euros each way.

I sent a message to the office app and asked if anyone was still in the office and if they were could they check that my keys were on my desk. John replies within 3 minutes that keys are on my desk. I message back asking him if he can wait 45 minutes for me to come pick them up saying I will jump in a taxi asap.

He answers back via private message "I have my car - If I remember correctly you live in x neighborhood, go have a drink at a bar and I'll bring your keys, drop me a location pin so I know where to find you"

I reply, "are you sure, thank you so so much, you're a savior etc etc"

He says "no problem, I'll be on my way in 10"

So, I leave my shopping if front of my door and go wait in a bar. He drops of my keys, We have a drink together. I pay of course. I say thank you, he heads home. End of.

Today at work we all head out together for lunch in a restaurant (we're in Europe so this is common) and when the bill comes I tell him I'll pick up his tab because I owe him. I pay for his meal (round about 30 euros - so still cheaper than what I would have paid in cab fees).

Random colleague asks me in the afternoon why I paid for his meal - I explain he dropped my keys home for me. She goes on to tell me that I'm totally unreasonable and should never have accepted because I'm "higher" up than he is from a hierarchy point of view and tells me that I was bang out of order should have refused etc that he probably felt he had to offer etc (I'm his managers manager). She has no managerial or HR capacity and although in terms of pay and responsibility we're very very close on paper I'm actually her N+1. Our office is pretty informal.

Now I feel awful - I know which sort of area he lives in so the detour he made probably added +/- 40 minutes to his total journey time that probably took 1h20 ish instead of 45 minutes.

WIBU? Should I have refused the offer? Should I apologize for accepting? Or is it no biggie?

YABU -> should have refused
YANBU -> totally fine

WIBU to ask for a detour ?
OP posts:
WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 18/03/2022 23:30

Meh on a human level he did a nice thing and you showed you appreciation by paying for dinner. He offered you didn’t ask. No issue as far as I can see

LightSpeeds · 18/03/2022 23:37

What does your work contract say about this sort of situation?!?Confused

Your moaning 'colleague' is being an unreasonable arse. Plenty of people would have made a similarly kind gesture if they could have - I certainly would if I wasn't doing anything else that night.

The bloke did you a kind turn and you repaid the favour. It's not really a work issue so I'm not sure what all the moaning is about (maybe the whining colleague has another agenda).

RedRobin100 · 18/03/2022 23:48

I think she’s being a bit of an idiot and ridiculous.

You were in a spot, he kindly helped you out ans you thanked him for it.
It was a one off situation.

Most decent people would also go out of their way to help someone in a bind if it suited them. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just remember not to rely on her to help you out In future..

Lamerexo · 18/03/2022 23:54

TBH different countries have very diffrrent 'social rules' to follow, so it is hard to know without knowing the country, but generally no YANBU.

MarmiteCoriander · 18/03/2022 23:58

I don't know which European country you are in, or the norms in that country. If you were based in the UK, I'd assume your colleague either had romantic feelings for you, was just being nice, or hoping for a promotion. It does seem very odd for someone to make an almost 1.5hr divert to drop your keys back, but if you are well above them in management- then maybe they felt they had no choice but to offer this service to you? Hard to say.

Original poster
ohleboulot · 18/03/2022 23:59

Work contract doesn't say anything. It's the sort of thing I'd do for a temporary intern or my boss. I just thought, he's made a nice offer- cool - saves me time and money and hassle, must remember to get him a drink - offer to proof read or whatever a presentation of his. But this colleague looked honestly appalled and really went on and on about how it was so unprofessional to have a "junior" "run an errand" for me. She seemed so put out that I'm really questioning myself.

N.B - I never refer to collegues by anything other that there names when talking to other collègues,...

OP posts:
lanthanum · 19/03/2022 00:00

What a lovely chap. And what a shame that she can't believe that anyone would just be generous and make an offer like that to help out a fellow human being. Perhaps you should ask her whether there is any guidance on exactly which members of staff are permitted to offer to do favours for which other members of staff. Or is it forbidden for anyone to do anything nice for anyone else?

Vapeyvapevape · 19/03/2022 00:04

It's got absolutely nothing to do with her . He offered to do a kind thing and you showed your appreciation by paying for his meal.
In your position I would have gratefully accepted the offer and I would also have offered to drop the keys off if I were him.

VeganFuture · 19/03/2022 00:05

He offered. You said thank you, you let him know it was very much appreciated, bought him a drink and then a meal. It was lovely of him as he wasn’t obliged to do it, but it was only 40 minutes and a bit of petrol, your colleague is being ridiculous and it’s none of her business. I think most people I’ve worked with over the years would have done this for me and I’d have helped them out too.

If you apologise for accepting, he’ll think you’re mad. Forget about it.

NoSquirrels · 19/03/2022 00:07

Ignore her. Those are her own issues. If you don’t make a habit of asking time-consuming favours of junior staff, it’s fine.

He did a nice thing, probably felt good he’d helped you. You bought him dinner, nice gesture.

Anything else is overthinking it.

Original poster
ohleboulot · 19/03/2022 00:08

@MarmiteCoriander the divert is 45 minutes ish max. I'm in France. He'd just had he yearly review and got a totally average raise - so that wasn't on the cards ( at least I didn't even think of it). And also he could just of ignored my message, he was the last person in the office and I had no way of knowing he was till there. I just though - ah cool- nice of him. When he met me with my keys and I said thank you he just said "no worries, no bother" I honestly didn't really give it much consideration, no more than if a friend of acquaintance offered to drop of something forgotten at a party or whatnot.

OP posts:
BuanoKubiamVej · 19/03/2022 00:12

I don't get why you asked him to wait 45 minutes in the first place. If he was preparing to leave then that was a big ask. He must have volunteered the alternative of diverting to yours as an alternative to waiting around with no idea how long it would actually yake you to get there.

It would have been more reasonable for you to either just ask him to leave the keys with the campus security desk so that you can collect them from someone whose job it is to be on campus at night without having to get into the office, or to ask him to take his normal journey home bringing your keys with him, and you just do a 20€ taxi ride to rendezvous with him somewhere along that route where it is closest to your house.

MarmiteCoriander · 19/03/2022 00:38

I too would never ask someone, esp on a Friday night, to wait 45mins for me to get back to the office!!! This is unreasonable. Why not ask him to leave the keys at security or as another poster said, meet somewhere closer to HIS home to save him the journey?

Is was nice of him to offer to deliver the keys to you, but an ADDITIONAL 45min on his regular commute is also unreasonable IMO- esp as you knew which area HE lived in! Nice to offer to pay next meal out though.

I don't know the norms in France, but lets turn the tables here. He returns home almost an hour later than normal. His partner/wife/husband/house mate asks why he is late home. He says he delivered keys to his bosses, boss who forgot their keys and went 40mins out of their way! What would your partner say OP?

Maybe he genuinely was being nice with no motives, hard to say. I personally would go out of my way to help someone I knew as a friend, or colleague. Having been a manager for many years though, I do worry that this man felt obliged, maybe thought you DID know he was still in the office etc and felt it might have been a test.

VeganFuture · 19/03/2022 00:46

He returns home almost an hour later than normal. His partner/wife/husband/house mate asks why he is late home. He says he delivered keys to his bosses, boss who forgot their keys and went 40mins out of their way! What would your partner say OP?

Confused My partner would say ‘you’re a good’un. I’d say similar if he did it. Would your partner have an issue with it?

Ellie5341 · 19/03/2022 00:55

Yanbu.
He could have said 'yes I'll wait for you' so he had a choice.

Female colleague sounds jealous!

Flickflak · 19/03/2022 00:57

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Kite22 · 19/03/2022 01:04

It is just a nice thing for someone to do, if they were able. I would do it for a colleague (senior to me or junior) if I had the time and wasn't committed to being elsewhere. I hope someone would do something like that for me to save me having to get a locksmith to break into my house, and I try and treat people as I would like to be treated myself.
It was then nice that you bought them lunch to say thank you.

How sad that your colleague can't see that most people are just nice, and understand that we all need a helping hand occasionally, and that most people realise that and help out where they can. She seems to have her own issues.

Original poster
ohleboulot · 19/03/2022 01:06

It was a Tuesday - not a Friday. I didn't demand he stayed an extra 45 minutes at the office - I asked if he'd still be in the office in 45 minutes and said if he would i''d grab a taxi and be on my way asap. Had he had said no I'd have asked him to drop keys with security which is also quite a faff. I wanted to avoid this and as it was totally plausible he'd still be working by the time I arrived was planning on entering the campus all the way to the office to collect my keys from my desk. He offered to drive by - I didn't ask - but I didn't refuse. I'm reassured by the anwsers of most posters here. As I've written, I would have done the same for a colleague, a friend and at a push a stranger who had lost keys. That's why I didn't find it strange. And if I spoke to my partner in the evening saying I was waiting in the office for someone to make it back to pick up keys - I'm pretty sure my partner would either a) ask why I hadn't offered to take their keys to them or at least meet them half way b) ask if they could help in anyway. They certainly wouldn't have an issue. I'm not religious but.... Do to others as you would have them do to you.

OP posts:
user1487768885 · 19/03/2022 01:38

I'm a bit torn. The detour itself is OK. I would do such a nice thing for a colleague on a good day. Some people love driving. This might be just a bit of relaxing time for him. However the red flags are why did he pm you? He obviously also thought delivering your keys is somehow inappropriate. To pay for his 30 euro meal is a lot. It seems to suggest this key dropping is a big gesture (we used to lived in Switzerland 30 euro work lunch happens almost never). If I had offered to do what he did I would have been very uncomfortable accepting a 30 euro lunch. On balance I'm afraid i would have to agree with your colleague

apapuchi · 19/03/2022 01:42

I don't see any problem with this, I'd do the detour to drop keys in this scenario if I could and would be so grateful to anyone who did that for me. Buying his lunch is a lovely way of saying thanks. Ignore your nosy colleague.

viques · 19/03/2022 01:48

Some people go the extra mile, he dropped off your keys, you drew a map with pretty colours. You both sound like thoughtful people.

Flowers
TimeForTeaAndG · 19/03/2022 12:18

@VeganFuture

He returns home almost an hour later than normal. His partner/wife/husband/house mate asks why he is late home. He says he delivered keys to his bosses, boss who forgot their keys and went 40mins out of their way! What would your partner say OP?

Confused My partner would say ‘you’re a good’un. I’d say similar if he did it. Would your partner have an issue with it?

Or he called home and said he would be a bit late cos he was dropping some keys off to save a colleague a massively expensive and long taxi ride.
Myee · 19/03/2022 12:30

Are you French? Are you au fait with their societal norms?

Just wondered, because ahem.... Emily in Paris got into many a scrape but survived.

Think no more of it. Colleague is jealous/has the hots for Mr. Key man and saw the two of you having a cinque a sept lol.

Myee · 19/03/2022 12:31

Cinq

VeganFuture · 19/03/2022 12:43

Myee

🤣🤣🤣