Should I sit and wait for SKs to reach out?

[Booboobagins]

Bear with me this is a fairly long tale.

My DH has children from his first marriage. He didn't see them for about 7 years as his ex blocked him and never accepted financial support. Completely breached court orders etc.

My SKs grew up thinking he didn't care and hadn't even offered support....

As adults they re-established connections but it was difficult because my SKs had been abused and blamed my DH cos he wasnt there to protect them. Sadly he was for a while, they just never told him.

My SKs are now orphans. I've tried to keep in touch - they visit family near me regularly, speak, zoom and everything with them, but not with me and my DCs - their half siblings who are young adults. And honestly I don't want to see them constantly, but I would like them to reach out to me/ my DCs occasionally.

I organise Christmas, Easter, b-days etc. They never tell me what's being planned even for my step GD's bday!

I'm getting tired of it tbh.

I took Christmas presents over in Nov. We received nothing. Not even a card.

We saw them in Feb and they gave me an early bday present - nice but I dislike that they didn't even buy anything for Christmas for my DCs.

The youngest SC does message me occasionally, maybe 2 x a year, normally cos shes got something she wants to tell me - and don't get me wrong, all of them and their partners are good people and I love them all.

Should I carry on - it'll be Easter soon so time for a visit - or wait for them to get in touch?

My DH used to complain that he had to chase them to meet/speak too, but obvs they don't do this with their 'established' family, the maternal side of which knew about the abuse and did nothing.

I occasionally send my SGD and SKs presents, I have to ask if the pressie were OK? I even send my SGD lots of crafting during lockdown and asked if she'd keep a key ring she makes for me. She didn't.

Thoughts? Do I carry on or sit tight?

You sound like a great step parent. It's nice that you are reaching out and buying them presents etc and making an effort.
To be honest maybe they still don't completely understand and resent that your husband wasn't around and so think they are entitled to presents to make up for the years he was not around (in their mind).

When you say established family it sounds like maybe they aren't as comfortable with your side of the family and that's why it feels forced. That's completely understandable. It's sad but pretty common with separated families.

My advice would be to not read too much into the situation and continue to be the bigger person as you should be as the parent figure.
It's only a present at the end of the day. Keep trying but keep it cheap.

Maybe they don't want as close a relationship as you are wanting? I think you need to lower your expectations and wait for them to come to you some of the time. You sound lovely by the way.

this sounds like a lot of presents to people you barely know.

I'd cut back to just sending cards for birthdays / christmas and let them step up if they want more than that.

@parietal

this sounds like a lot of presents to people you barely know.

I'd cut back to just sending cards for birthdays / christmas and let them step up if they want more than that.

How will they build a better relationship and show they care if they don't keep reaching out and sending lots of cards/presents?

Thanks everyone.You make really good points and a balanced view of things that's much appreciated.
They're always welcoming and are not reluctant to meet.

So on balance, I've decided to suck it up and carry on.

Take care all :)