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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go to parents evening on DD's birthday

30 replies

INeedNewShoes · 18/03/2022 10:36

I've been given a parents' evening appointment at 5pm on DD's birthday. It's one of the last appointments of the day so I imagine that there's every chance it'll run late.

I can't decide if I'm being precious to not want a 10 minute parents' evening slot to interfere with what I had in mind on her birthday (having a picnic birthday tea with a couple of friends).

She's in reception and it hasn't all been plain sailing so I don't want to give the impression to the teachers that I don't think it's important.
I also don't want to create extra work for her teachers. They're brilliant and lovely and could probably do without an awkward parent wanting to talk to them at a different time to parents evening.

YANBU - ask if you can talk to teachers on another day
YABU - stop being so PFB and just go the parents evening at the given appointment

OP posts:
CannaBelieve · 18/03/2022 10:38

Do they not offer slots out first?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 18/03/2022 10:39

Surely letting your dd show off her good work will be great?!

CremeEggThief · 18/03/2022 10:39

There's no harm in asking to change, but if they can't accommodate that, then you go. It's 10 minutes.

DetailMouse · 18/03/2022 10:40

The last appointments are usually popular, there's probably someone who would swap.

Always28 · 18/03/2022 10:41

I wouldn’t want to go on that day if I’d planned things for their birthday. I think it’s fine to explain what you’ve said here, and ask for another day.

RealRaymondReddington · 18/03/2022 10:46

Could you ask to do it over Zoom or a phone call? Virtual appointments in lockdown were so much more convenient for a lot of parents and increased engagement so many are happy to offer this option.

thepeopleversuswork · 18/03/2022 10:54

It depends: do you have a husband or partner who could attend in your place?

If not I understand its tricky. I'm a single parent so this sort of thing always falls to me and its frustrating when schools don't take into account that there isn't always another parent waiting in the wings to help with this.

But its 10 minutes out of your day and its pretty important. TBH I don't think it sets an ideal example to your DD to not bother to attend, particularly if its been difficult for her this year. Could you not build the picnic around this?

Could you not organise for the picnic to end early enough for you to go afterwards? Or depending on how close you are to school to ask another parent to hold the fort while you nip off?

Original poster
INeedNewShoes · 18/03/2022 10:55

Surely letting your dd show off her good work will be great?!

This is a good point and I know DD will want to show me things in the classroom.

It's 10 minutes.

If I knew it would run on time I'd feel like this. However, the chance of it running late and me being away for longer means I can't really invite anyone over.

However, I see from the voting that I just need to suck it up! DD and I will just do something on our own rather than inviting others to join us on the day. She'll have a party at the weekend anyway!

OP posts:
xyzandabc · 18/03/2022 10:58

Have you asked if there's anyone you could swap appointments with who has an earlier one? Late appointments are usually popular with parents that work. If they have just been allocated rather than you choosing your slots, there may well be a parent who has a 3.30 appointment who would love a 5pm one

ChairCareOh · 18/03/2022 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

HSHorror · 18/03/2022 11:03

It would have been a bad idea anyway as presumably all other parents dropping and collecting would be trying to fit in their kids PE appointment

Namechangedforspooky · 18/03/2022 11:04

Honestly if she’s reception age and you have no concerns I would just tell them it’s her birthday and you’re having a party. I did similar in reception in that I was on a late shift that I was unable to swap and they were completely fine about it.
Just ask them if it’s ok, I’m sure they’ll say yes. Birthdays are important!

Original poster
INeedNewShoes · 18/03/2022 11:06

It would have been a bad idea anyway as presumably all other parents dropping and collecting would be trying to fit in their kids PE appointment

The friends I have in mind aren't school friends as she'll have them at her party. It's another family whose DC goes to another school.

OP posts:
thelittlestrhino · 18/03/2022 11:08

As a teacher, definitely NOT unreasonable. It has been parents evenings this week for ours; officially Wed and Thur but I have some today and also next week as this week's days didn't suit. We are still not allowed in school meetings but I have been happy to do a mix of zoom/phone calls and emails. I'm also always happy to sneak one in before the official time, or just after school if they are set to run later on in the evening.

Maddiemoosmum0203 · 18/03/2022 11:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MadinMarch · 18/03/2022 11:15

Discuss it with the teacher. Tell her it's DD's birthday and you'd made plans involving other people as well. Ask her whether it's possible to do it another day instead-it's 10 mins and could easily be done before or after school on another day.
If it's really not possible, then she'll tell you and you can then make a decision bout it.

Redcrayons · 18/03/2022 11:18

Just ask if you can do it another day or a bit earlier. If you’ve got the last one, I’m sure the teacher won’t mind finishing a bit early.

Whybirdwhy · 18/03/2022 11:22

Explain the situation and ask if the teacher can give you a phone call instead.

EmJay19 · 18/03/2022 11:23

YANBU
I would explain to teacher you have plans after school and so sorry won’t be able to make it that late.

45 minutes (which I reckon it will take minimum by the time you wait etc) is a big chunk in the middle of a weekday evening.

You’d have to be willing to be flexible to do it another time.

Thewindwhispers · 18/03/2022 11:24

I definitely would not ask DD to spend an hr of her bday - at teatime! - hanging around at school while other kids run late. Parents eve never run on time especially in reception when all the kids seem to suddenly need the loo just before their timeslot. If you have a 5pm slot it’ll probably be 5.40.

Am sure teacher will be happy to do a different time, or maybe a phone appointment on a diff day.

Most schools hold parents eve over two days and let you pick a time slot. If your school don’t do that they won’t be surprised if most can’t make it.

SoupDragon · 18/03/2022 11:28

In all the years I attended primary school parents evenings for 3 children, they never ran late. There was always a note on the door asking the next person to knock when it was their time slot and it always worked. People whose children has special needs etc were given a double slot.

lemonnandliime · 18/03/2022 11:28

I would just ask if you can pop in just after home time another day or have a video call if that's more convenient.

Any normal person wouldn't begrudge a child having their birthday tea party instead of going to parents evening.

School will expect that that one single day won't be convenient for absolutely everyone.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 18/03/2022 11:34

I am a single parent and our school parents evening is always on a Wednesday; I work long shifts on wednesdays and cannot ever go. This has never been a big deal; I email the school and we arrange a phone call or video chat on my day off. Don’t change your plans, if you feel bad just say you have to work.

AngelinaFibres · 18/03/2022 11:44

@Always28

I wouldn’t want to go on that day if I’d planned things for their birthday. I think it’s fine to explain what you’ve said here, and ask for another day.
Teacher for 20 years .Parent of 2. Go to the parents evening. Do not expect the teacher to do a different day. If everyone did that parents evening wod turn in to a week long marathon.You can have a picnic at the weekend. You can have a carpet picnic at home afterwards.
AngelinaFibres · 18/03/2022 11:45

@Whybirdwhy

Explain the situation and ask if the teacher can give you a phone call instead.
Good bloody grief
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