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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding

13 replies

takemeawayyy · 17/03/2022 20:17

Baby #4
Breastfed baby #3 but not the other 2 and I loved it, was a lot easier also an regret not doing it sooner if I'm honest

But today DH asked me to not BF this time so he can help more. Lovely of him to want to help yes as I have a lot on for the forseable with our older children (medical appointments) so he will be more hands on this time around due to that reason when we are the hospital
I did used to pump so when he did need to have the baby it wasn't an issue so I don't see one with now ? The baby will be coming with me until a few months old anyway as it won't be an issue so when he does need to be more hands on it's more around weaning stage anyway!
Was IBU to say no and stick to BF and pumping when needed ? He supports me either way before anyone jumps the gun
I just think he's really over thinking/panicking like we've never done this before just because we have hospital appointments this time around !

OP posts:
Springhassprung86 · 17/03/2022 20:20

Absolutely not, he is being very unreasonable to ask, whatever lovely spin you put on it.
Maybe he’s worried he’ll have to pick up the slack with the older kids.

MissBPotter · 17/03/2022 20:21

No I don’t think you’re unreasonable. BF is much easier and healthier (in my opinion anyway - not trying to start an argument and everyone is free to do what is best for them!). In fact though, you do need quite a bit of help in the early days especially when you’re feeding non stop, so dh can help there.

Original poster
takemeawayyy · 17/03/2022 20:22

@MissBPotter

No I don’t think you’re unreasonable. BF is much easier and healthier (in my opinion anyway - not trying to start an argument and everyone is free to do what is best for them!). In fact though, you do need quite a bit of help in the early days especially when you’re feeding non stop, so dh can help there.
I found it so much easier been able to put baby in a sling an feed whilst I did other things an it only used 1 arm ! Also I do think it is better x
OP posts:
Flittingaboutagain · 17/03/2022 20:24

There are loads of ways of being hands on and bonding as the partner not breastfeeding. Bottle feeding is the easiest (laziest!) for a Dad! He can lots of skin to skin, walks in the sling whilst you sleep in between cluster feeds, settling after wake ups, bouncing on the ball, nappies, winding and tummy time etc.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/03/2022 20:26

He wants you not to do the thing that is the healthiest for your baby? Lovely him to want to help? Confused

It's selfish and an absolutely outrageous request. There are about a million things he can find to help with. Denying his baby breast milk for his own self-absorbed reasons isn't the answer.

MissBPotter · 17/03/2022 20:26

Yes me too, just being able to feed on demand without any faff seems so much easier to me, and less issues with things like constipation, reflux in my experience anyway. It sounds like you’ve a lot on with your older kids so I’m sure he can help in other ways.

Twizbe · 17/03/2022 20:33

There's so much else he can do to help. Help him to understand what that might look like for you and him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/03/2022 20:38

I don’t get this at all. Did he not help with your third because you were breastfeeding? Why not?

Dads/other parents can do literally everything but breastfeed and do so if they’re bothered about supporting their wife/partner and bonding with their baby.

He’s being stupid, tell him you’ll be doing what’s best for you and your baby and he can pitch in with everything else.

Not breastfeeding a baby “so dad can bond” is so common and yet so incomprehensible.

Original poster
takemeawayyy · 17/03/2022 20:43

He didnt mean it so he can bond he simply means so he can have the baby whilst I'm at appointments but baby's fine to come with my whilst on boob as theirs no fussing involved.
He did help last time more so with the older kids whilst I fed etc or napped when I'd been up during the night with baby
He didn't say I can't an he does support me an I said no I'm feeding an hw said that was fine. I think it's me as I'm very much in control with the kids an routine I think I so push him out sometimes as I get on with things an know what we need to do etc whilst he's at work

OP posts:
betwixtlives · 17/03/2022 21:00

Can’t he take older dc to appts?

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/03/2022 21:02

Okay, so everything’s fine? Not sure what you’re asking.

PumpkinPie2016 · 17/03/2022 21:32

It's up to you but I don't think he's unreasonable to make a suggestion or have an opinion Confused he is supportive either way which is all that matters.

Somethingsnappy · 17/03/2022 22:43

If his reason is genuinely simply so he can help more, assure him that he need not worry, there will be plenty of other things for him to do, and if he is ever struggling to find something, you will provide something Grin. The world is your oyster OP (or his) !

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