Been with dh for six years total. To be honest his family never exactly welcomed me with open arms, they were all very close with his ex still and I wasn't really accepted, just more gradually got used to if that makes sense.
bitches about everyone and everything. It was all civil enough but to be honest I never enjoyed spending time with them, BIL is a text book narcissist, really actively looks down on women and has mastered gas lighting. MIL defends him to the end of the earth, thinks the sun shines out of his arse and will watch him be emotionally abusive and support him regardless, just not my kind of parenting. My SILs are both nice enough but they just seem to constantly talk shit about people, I never feel comfortable around people like this as all I can think is well what you do say about me when I'm not here then.
To be honest over the years I started out making an effort and being friendly and then got a bit worn down by how they made me feel, there was a very noticeable pattern of me always being the one to make contact and if I didn't then I didn't hear from them. I'm mainly of the frame of mind to not invest energy or time into people that don't add anything to my life or even make me happy. I have withdrawn more and more, and we don't really speak now at all. They all have my number and know where I live, they could reach out but they choose not to.
It's kicked off a bit as dh went to see them with the kids and they apparently all went in on me. How I used to make an effort but now I don't even speak to them. How I don't even try and be a part of the family. I mean fair enough, I definitely have taken a massive step back for the sake of my own mental health and they have never tried to reach out to me. Once I noticed I make all the plans, and gradually stopped making the plans, they never picked up the phone. It's not all my fault here. BIL was piping up the most but to be honest he's the worst, he's a really nasty, unpleasant man and I really hate how he makes me feel, I don't want to be around people like that.
Is it really that unreasonable to distance yourself from people like this? I'm friendly and civil when I see them and don't make it awkward, but yes I do stay home sometimes when they meet up (because dh planned it - not them making the effort to see us) because I would rather not do something that will make me feel shit, and no I don't text anymore or call in for a cuppa like I used to.
Dh started saying we have to make an effort when it comes to family. Imo I did make the effort for a couple of years and my gradual withdrawal doesn't mean I just can't be bothered anymore, it just means I've gotten to know them and don't want to be around them or how they make me feel. I have my own family, who are lovely and kind and supportive, I don't need a bonus family if they're going to be a negative 'addition' to my life?