To stop catering at home?

[DetailMouse]

There's just me and DC 21 and 18

For 21 years I've provided a home cooked dinner every evening. DS1 has always been a good eater who enjoys his food. He works shifts and has an active social life. He appreciates the meals when he's there, but often let's me know last minute that he won't be.

DS2 is very fussy and often "not hungry", worse now he's working and fills up on junk outside the house.

They are both perfectly capable of cooking good food for themselves, but left to their own devices will eat toast, cereal and takeaways.

From after Easter I move to a new office where for £2.50 per day I can get a lovely home cooked meal. I'm really excited 😆 I'm sometimes there as a visitor and always take advantage of the catering, but soon I'll be there most days.

So I'm thinking I'll eat my main meal at lunchtime and provide a range of sandwich making and soup type things for everyone to see to themselves in the evening?

I know they're old enough to see for themselves but I am a bit concerned that their diets will get even worse if I don't offer them a proper meal.

I'll still do a roast at weekends.

YANBU

obviously.

not much more to say really!

I work shifts and one of the advantages is not having to cook every night (we have a meal plan/rota and the kids take it in turns when I'm on lates).

Just say what you've said here. "I'm cooking twice once a week now. A full English breakfast on Saturday mornings and a roast dinner on Sundays. I will only buying groceries for that. I will eat my main meal at work because it is subsidised.

You can still buy ingredients and cook for yourselves, but I won't be doing it apart from those two times. The ingredients for the roasts and fryups will be in orangs Sainsbury's bags (or whatever) in the fridge an cupboards, so don't use those.

YANBU. They are 21 and 18. They are adults. You've just got into the habit as you've always done it. Same as with their room cleaning and clothes washing. They should be sharing housework and cooking with you anyway or they're not going to learn how to do it and you'll be the mother that future girlfriends and flatmates roll their eyes out for creating inept men. But I am making massive assumptions.

YANBU and tell them to clean up after themselves too!

Take this chance to give them a gentle kick up the bum, they are old enough to cook and clean up after themselves now.

Give them notice that this is happening and stock up on sandwich bits, soups, pasta and some ready meals etc and enjoy your relaxing meal at work ☺️

YANBU, they’re old enough to sort out their own dinners/cooking. And you all seem to have different needs/schedules anyway.
They might not eat as well initially but it’s part of growing up to learn how to cook and eat well. Even if they’re only heating up rustlers and pot noodles initially, they’ll figure it out.

How will they ever learn to make their own food and eat well if you keep doing it?

This sounds fantastic!

I would tell them straight that there are options for sandwiches etc but any proper meals they need to buy and cook.

You will provide a roast on the weekend (if you are not going out to eat with all the savings from the groceries!),

Go for it

Get some good food in rather than cereal etc. fish etc

If you are doing something for yourself then easy to offer to make a bit more if they want it but if you're not then they can sort their own and you can enjoy the break. I always preferred making my own when I was living at my parents, my brothers still live with our parents and mostly do their own (they buy most of their own too).

Who is paying for their junk and takeaways?

Good idea. If you wish you can cook for them on weekends.
Also they could cook for you!

YANBU but why are you cooking for everyone anyway? Older ones should be chipping in really, they do round here. So do exactly as you propose in the week and share the weekend cooking.

I stopped cooking for mine when he was 16 and my cooking failed to reach his vegetarian standards. He’s vegan now and cooks for himself when he visits.

Do it. I'm suck of being the person who does the shop & thinks about every meal & then deals with the cooking and the clean up. Currently I'm on strike and only providing food to the small children. I dont usually want a meal late in the evening when DH gets in. I just can't be arsed anymore.

Do they never cook for you? I think everyone should be doing their fair share of the cooking and housework.

@Dashel

Do they never cook for you? I think everyone should be doing their fair share of the cooking and housework.

I think this too. And they should be doing some of the food shopping too. At 18 I lived away from home and shopped and cooked for myself.

But to your actual question, YANBU to provide lighter things for them to make themselves.

At their ages, quite honestly their diets are up to them.

They have cooked regularly in the past, but now they keep irregular hours and have plenty of disposable income they tend to get a takeaway if I'm not cooking.

They do plenty around the house. DS1 painted the bathroom ceiling and fixed the guttering last week and they both do their share of household chores, they're just not reliably there to have my evening meal dependent on them!

@implantreplace

Who is paying for their junk and takeaways?

They pay and they also contribute to household costs

Seems perfectly reasonable to me. I'm making our girls cook for us once they are back from university, everyone pitches in

@DetailMouse

They have cooked regularly in the past, but now they keep irregular hours and have plenty of disposable income they tend to get a takeaway if I'm not cooking.

They do plenty around the house. DS1 painted the bathroom ceiling and fixed the guttering last week and they both do their share of household chores, they're just not reliably there to have my evening meal dependent on them!

I'm glad they contribute. If they want to get takeaways rather than shop and cook, that's up to them.

I do not want to derail your thread but I wonder if @HandlebarLadyTash could share her story a little more. What was the final straw and how is it working out? I wish I had thought to do this years ago.

@2catsandhappy Ha ha just im 45, completely tired, out of inspiration for food & pissed off at the lack of involvement from DH. If I ask what people want to eat they 'dont mind... I just dont see how I have to work, do all the other stuff I do and be food purchaser & meal planner.
I cant not feed the youngest as his foraging skills are limited to crisps and beans on toast.
Its working out great, I can eat toast for dinner & am not eating at 8pm every night I am happy 😀 dh is perfectly capable of sorting food & its nothing to do with me, he wouldn't make it an issue. I am hoping he will start doing some meal planning but if he dosent I will continue.

Think that’s fine, it’s healthier as you get older to have a big lunch & lighter dinner

I think a side effect of this change is your kids will appreciate your cooking a lot more!