To ask for help - Adult ADHD coach - urgent(ish)

[daimbarsatemydogsbone]

I feel bad saying it's urgent but I need help - a recommendation for an ADHD coach so I can keep my job. Top pf the Google searches is someone called Max Lawrence but he has a 4 week waiting list. Location unimportant if we can work online (which I absolutely can) - otherwise I think I am going to get fired (or quit) again.

Anyone?

I'm not sure, but do work know about your ADHD? They cannot fire you because of it, it's disability discrimination.

Have you disclosed to work? Have Occ Health been involved to support reasonable adjustments? Have you contacted Access to Work?

Not informed work (new job). I paid for a diagnosis a while ago. In a way I'd prefer to try and deal with it (with help) because it's a recurrent issue that isn't generally accepted or understood and I want to find my own solutions.

I will investigate access to work, thank you.

What's the recurrent issue? Is it to do with falling behind with admin? missing deadlines? Interrupting people? Blurting out inappropriate information? Bad timekeeping...?

As the help recommendations may vary depending on the specific issue you are struggling with.

@ParisLondonTokyoSlough

What's the recurrent issue? Is it to do with falling behind with admin? missing deadlines? Interrupting people? Blurting out inappropriate information? Bad timekeeping...?

As the help recommendations may vary depending on the specific issue you are struggling with.

Most of the above - except I have managed to conquer timekeeping

Could you delegate the admin more or speak to work about this?

With deadlines are they missed because you procrastinate, or because you work slowly, or because you are overstretched?

Thank you folks - I appreciate the contributions - I am looking (I know it's a big ask) for a recommendation for a coach.
I think explaining the entire nature of my experience of ADHD may be a bit tricky, but just to be clear, I've struggled through paid employment for the last 40+ years, being called lazy disorganised and incompetent. As some of these replies have shown - if you don't have ADHD you probably think the same. I have posted about ADHD here and responded to other threads on it and I know there are fellow ADHDers on here so I was hoping someone with a good experience of a coach helping them could post of DM with a recommended coach.
Thank you to everyone who posted so far.

Have a look at Connections in Mind. (No experience im afraid, other than joining one of their webinars).

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

Thank you folks - I appreciate the contributions - I am looking (I know it's a big ask) for a recommendation for a coach. I think explaining the entire nature of my experience of ADHD may be a bit tricky, but just to be clear, I've struggled through paid employment for the last 40+ years, being called lazy disorganised and incompetent. As some of these replies have shown - if you don't have ADHD you probably think the same. I have posted about ADHD here and responded to other threads on it and I know there are fellow ADHDers on here so I was hoping someone with a good experience of a coach helping them could post of DM with a recommended coach. Thank you to everyone who posted so far.

Completely understand - I have ADHD myself. I don't know any coaches so was trying to see if there were other ways to help or books I have read that might help.

But identifying the root of the issue might help because different advice would be given for different problems (i.e. I've realised my missed deadlines are down to just working slowly and also not having the executive function skills to properly assess my workload, so I take on work I shouldn't and ending up overstretched and overwhelmed and missing deadlines). But lots of the advice I read and tried to implement for missed deadlines was to tackle procrastinating so it ultimately did not help!

Good luck in your search for a coach. I do understand the whole imposter syndrome and always feeling anxious going into work that today is the day everyone will realise the depths of my incompetence and that I will get sacked and struck off from the professional register!!

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

Thank you folks - I appreciate the contributions - I am looking (I know it's a big ask) for a recommendation for a coach. I think explaining the entire nature of my experience of ADHD may be a bit tricky, but just to be clear, I've struggled through paid employment for the last 40+ years, being called lazy disorganised and incompetent. As some of these replies have shown - if you don't have ADHD you probably think the same. I have posted about ADHD here and responded to other threads on it and I know there are fellow ADHDers on here so I was hoping someone with a good experience of a coach helping them could post of DM with a recommended coach. Thank you to everyone who posted so far.

I posted what I did because I've also got ADHD and struggle with all the things you do. And I can absolutely say without a doubt that disclosing to my manager and getting support from Occ Health for reasonable adjustments has helped massively. People can't understand unless there is something they are supposed to try and understand. There are specific tasks that are part of my official role that I just cannot do. No matter how hard I try. So that's a reasonable adjustment- I take on other things instead that are manageable. Honestly, I know it's really really hard but you are at risk of keeping on trying to squeeze a round peg into a square hole. Which just doesn't end well as we know.

Sent you a PM with details of someone who may be able to help @parabalabalabala

Have ADHD but can't recommend a coach unfortunately.

Are you medicated? If not can you get medicated? It changed my life! Even if it just a short term thing to enable you to get scaffolding in place.

I think you really need to speak to work about it. Explain it is a executive function disorder and that you are looking for external support to help you manage it. Make a list of your main areas of struggle and start looking for solutions with them.

Can you give us an idea of what job you do? We might be able to make recommendations based on it.

I strongly recommend switching off email notifications if you can, check no more than twice a day at preset times. Have a morning routine for when you get it, laminate up a list of tasks for you to follow, it really helps for when you are overwhelmed and don't know where to start. If you can plan your week then plan the boring stuff for when you typically have more energy and tasks you find more interesting for when energy is typically lower. Could you effectively shut yourself away in a room for x hours a day/week, play some focus music through earphones (look at focus at will), again have a simple list laminated of how to deal with each task. I.e. emails delete/file/action/diarise with alarms including pre prep time alarmed now.

Put OHIO across the top of those lists, a reminder to Only Handle It Once.

Could you get of those pens/watches with a voice activated recording feature? You can then just activate it and record what has come into your head so you can do it later. Have a daily alarm to remind you to check the recordings and deal with them then!

It's really shit and I hope you find something more positive soon.

Have a look for a private OT, they have experience of dealing with this.

My husband has ADHD and something that has helped him is a must do, should do, can do chart.

He has to complete one must do before onto a should do. Two of those before a can do. For example

Must Do- Submit costing figures for work
Should do- Fold laundry and take to appropriate bedrooms/bathroom.
Sweep floors.
Can do- watch a couple episodes of whatever show on Netflix, play on Xbox etc

It's the only thing that works for him and if he plays on Xbox or browses online he sets a timer on Alexa to tell him when he's been doing it for an hour that his time is up. If he wants more than an hour on Xbox, he has to do extra from Must and Should. It's the only way all his obligations are met when they should be. Everything that distracts him is put in "can do"
Everything that will get him fired, fined, arrested etc is in "must do" and everything that he should do to be a supportive partner, father and adult in the house is in "should do"

I’m considering working with max Lawrence myself and found you whilst googling to see if he’s as good as he seems.

He sounds very good and I desperately need some help as have decided to leave work due to too many demands with elderly parents and teenage boys.

I’ve tried a couple of coaches through adhd headstuff but not found one that’s moved me on enough to justify the ongoing costs.

i think Max could and the weeks go so quickly could you hang in there til you speak to him?

in the meantime, I’m reading
Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD
by Tamara Phd Rosier
Its one of the best books I’ve read (and I’ve (part read 😂 ) a fair few) and it makes me feel less rubbish about myself.

i did tell work but I don’t think my line manager really gets it and said she’d thought previously that adhd isn’t a real thing. I’m signed off for the second time in 12 months on long term sick due to stress and have realised with reflection that however hard I try I will never thrive in that role. Others struggle with her as well as me. So, I think it depends a lot on how psychologically safe you feel and how supportive the org and your line manager is.

Good luck, it’s hard at times having a Ferrari brain and driving round toy town 😆
x

Your work might actually organise some ADHD coaching sessions as a reasonable adjustment. My employer offers this.

I have ADHD and I understand your terror at feeling like you’re in the same situation again. I do think that telling HR that you have ADHD will be useful. You can ask for an occ health referral because you know that you are struggling with particular things due to ADHD. That is doing something.

You might find that there are loads of things your employer can do to support you. Even if they don’t offer any coaching, the occ heath people may be able to refer you to a coach.

Or just disclosing everything to HR can buy you the 4 week waiting time for the coach you’ve found (and more). You can say you have ADHD, you are aware it is a problem and you’ve organised some ADHD coaching but there’s a 4 week wait for it to start. Can you have a referral to occ health to see how you and your employer can work together to make adjustments/changes so that you can succeed at work.

It’s scary. I know that. But it will take away a lot of the additional fear that exacerbates all the issues.