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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Importance of visiting country of origin with children

18 replies

user1461609321 · 17/03/2022 09:23

Morning all

My children are now yr 4 and 6 so eldest starting secondary and I have begun to really think about a holiday home to Africa as they have never been

Both myself and husband are from West Africa (different parts) but have not been back for a few years and never with the kids

I want the kids to develop a positive sense of self, see there is more to life than London, appreciate the comforts of life in the UK as well as meeting grandparents etc

The flights will be very expensive during summer holidays around 4k so not cheap and could honestly use the money on other things but this also feels important

What would you do?

OP posts:

trinibrit · 17/03/2022 10:27

Perfect age to take them. Old enough to remember, young enough to take cultural differences in stride. Is another time of the year cheaper? I took my son “home” in Easter holidays rather than summer holidays for this reason when he was 8, and made sure we stayed where there was a/c and a pool to make the climate more palatable.

BudgeUpAnne · 17/03/2022 10:43

Take them. It's important to build familiarity with their ancestral background, especially at a young age when they are open to being away from home comforts.

balalake · 17/03/2022 10:45

I agree about taking them, perhaps not in the summer though.

Hoppinggreen · 17/03/2022 10:47

DH is from a EU country and both him and The DC have dual nationality, which they are very proud of.
We try and go at least once a year even though there is no family there to visit and are spending 2 weeks in the area DH was born in this summer.
I appreciate it’s much easier when it’s a 2 hour flight away though

ABitBesotted · 17/03/2022 10:48

The trouble with taking them home is they hate returning to the UK.

I know kids from Bangladesh, Senegal, the Antipodes, Russia, Poland and they all prefer their ancestral lands to this place.

Ponoka7 · 17/03/2022 10:49

My friends from Nigeria/Ghana go at Christmas. They say it's the cheapest time to go and the children get to see a real cultural difference, as well as the whole family coming together anyway. I would have liked to have seen the Durban my father grew up in. It's so different now, there'd be no point in visiting.

appleturnovers · 17/03/2022 10:55

My child's other family live in France, so obviously we are extremely lucky that we can pretty much go whenever we want, but to us it is extremely important to maintain that connection and I feel it would be a massive loss without it. So I say definitely absolutely go. Tbh I'd say even take them out of school in term time if it means getting massively cheaper flights. It would be an enormously precious experience and they would learn so, so much. What could be more important than meeting their grandparents, travelling, seeing more of the world and learning about their parents' home countries and culture? It would be an amazing gift that they would remember forever. And then hopefully in another few years you'll be able to go again but next time they'll have some memories of the first time so it will feel familiar and they'll know the people rather than it all being scary and weird and a culture shock.

Curtilage · 17/03/2022 11:00

@ABitBesotted

The trouble with taking them home is they hate returning to the UK.

I know kids from Bangladesh, Senegal, the Antipodes, Russia, Poland and they all prefer their ancestral lands to this place.

Hmm, do you mean the children have actually lived there, or that their parents or grandparents are from there but emigrated and the children visit? I have to say that in my experience it’s a lot more complex than that. The children are spoiled and made much of by relatives, and enjoy themselves, but also have their accent/possible lack of fluency in the language laughed at by them, are referred to as ‘the English kids’ (or whatever), are sometimes taken aback by cultural customs/standards of living etc, or find the place their parents and grandparents have idealised is a lot less rosy than depicted, or that their parents are nostalgic for somewhere that no longer exists as they remember it. Some struggle with feeling inauthentic, when they’ve been encouraged to think of themselves as that culture all their lives. The people I’m thinking of are Nigerian, Ghanaian, Indian, Bangladeshi, Somali, Sri Lankan, Filipino, and the countries the children are living in are Ireland, the UK and Dubai.

I mean, I absolutely think it’s important to take children to experience their parents’ home and their heritage, but I think it needs sensitivity and careful handling, too.

underneaththeash · 17/03/2022 11:10

I think it's a great age, they'll remember it (but won't be grumpy teenagers!).

I'd check with their secondary schools to see if they have a camp though before booking as a lot of schools do something for the new Year 7's either at the start or end of the summer holidays.

Have fun!

notanothertakeaway · 17/03/2022 11:28

I think it's important for children to understand their cultural heritage, so yes, definitely a good idea to travel to Africa

But, if they might struggle with the heat in Summer, perhaps cheaper and more comfortable to travel at a different time of year

GabriellaMontez · 17/03/2022 11:31

Do you want to go? Or do you feel a sort of duty?

I'd only spend that much if I really wanted to do it.

ABitBesotted · 17/03/2022 11:32

@Curtilage oh yes, they are othered wherever they go (including here, of course. Especially here). My DC is also called English when she goes home. But she has been raised to speak the language, and she sees all the positive aspects of that place (doting relatives, a friendly population, less hectoring, better weather, the sea, etc) and there is none of the dreariness of going to school on the estate on a filthy February morning.

She also attended school there for a period and that was hugely beneficial, as they learn different things and it's a bit more "academic." And the playground equipment is completely different. And she made friends more easily there.

She nags to go back all the time. Does my head in.

Peasock · 17/03/2022 11:36

@ABitBesotted

The trouble with taking them home is they hate returning to the UK.

I know kids from Bangladesh, Senegal, the Antipodes, Russia, Poland and they all prefer their ancestral lands to this place.

Didn't take long did it.

OP when younger we went back every year to see extended family and I loved it. Since being an adult I have gone back less and less regrettably but am looking to take my children one day soon. It depends really, I don't think it's vital but I think it's very enriching and I did find it beneficial to understand my ancestory and the culture family had come from.

Lolalime · 17/03/2022 12:24

Hi OP, I think if you can afford it then go. My husband is from west Africa and we went at Christmas, I was hesitant because like you say it costs a lot and the money could have been used for home improvements. However It turned out to be the best decision, my children loved every minute and were fascinated by everything and haven’t stopped talking about it since. We even got to see a black Father Christmas ! :) it was the first time for my youngest child but the second for the oldest the last time being 8 years ago and for that trip the memories lasted till now. I think it really cements in their minds where their family history is as opposed to just hearing about it and seeing pictures. Memories not money I say. X

Lolalime · 17/03/2022 12:26

Oh and they are already asking when can they go back.

CraftyGin · 17/03/2022 12:29

We could only really afford to travel to their other country (USA) when they were a bit older, but this was good as they retained their memories. and built relationships with cousins.

None of them feel particularly American, even the two that have American accents, and have no desire to live there.

MiddleClassProblem · 17/03/2022 12:30

I have never been to my dad’s home country and would really like to go with him. We are still hoping to go together but now I have children and he is older I’m not sure it would ever happen. His school is still there but the area he lived in is very built up. I would like to see it with him but if not I will wait until Dd is older and take her.

If I were you, I would do it any time from now. Do they seem interested? I think these days there’s a lot more desire to know your heritage then to assimilate which is why I think my dad didn’t take us when we were younger.

EmmaH2022 · 17/03/2022 14:04

Middle "I think these days there’s a lot more desire to know your heritage then to assimilate which is why I think my dad didn’t take us when we were younger."

I've never been to my parents country of origin. I see it as their heritage, not mine. there's also reasons why they left that country!

In the end, we can never know how things will turn out, who will become fond of what place. I have a friend whose mum is Australian and visits my parents country of origin every year. Never wants to go abroad anywhere else.

OP I'd be more keen to take them in winter. School term if cheaper. My generation didn't have kittens about missing a bit of school. Might be cheaper too.

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