To feel lonely and left out at work?

[lonelyatwork]

I started a new job 6 months ago and I've been increasingly feeling left out and isolated.

It's all small things but it just makes me feel left out and lonely.

One example is in our Team's chat someone recently sent a group photo from the Christmas party. I wasn't at the Christmas party as I was on holiday. The person who posted it went "Aww we're just missing X in it" (X was also on holiday), it makes me feel like I'm forgotten about. Another example is there are 4 of us in that team with a particular job, and we all have to attend a meeting to do with our job role which clashed with our team meeting. One of my colleagues who has the same role as me sent a message in the Teams chat to say that they and the two others couldn't attend the team meeting due to a clash, even though I also have the same job role and also have the clashing meeting. These colleagues have also ignored me when they walked into the same lift with me at work until I said hi.

I also was recently ill and couldn't attend a meal out with colleagues. I got sent a message from a colleague complaining that I hadn't told them I couldn't go to the meal so they couldn't let the restaurant know. I was off sick and it just slipped my mind.

I know they are all tiny things but I just feel like they're making me feel really forgotten about and isolated at work

I feel like this too, and I’ve been at my job almost a year. I know how hurtful and isolating it is. I’m naturally a bit shy and socially awkward, but I genuinely like ppl and wonder if I come across the wrong way. IDK.

I just ignore it OP, and I focus on the work and keeping our customers happy. Be polite but try not to have too high of expectations. You are definitely not alone.

I feel for you, that's not a nice situation to be in especially in a new workplace as its hard enough getting to grips with everything else too. I always try to be welcoming to new staff as I know how tough it can be.
Have the others worked together a long time? Perhaps they are stuck in their ways so much they "forget" its not just them. Its not an excuse by any means and is bit ignorant too.

I would maybe suggest a coffee or lunch with the group or individually, maybe try to get to know them a bit better... Might work well on a more one to one personal basis?

I'm not sure if you are, but I also find if you're a quieter person (I am) it can take you a while longer to come out of your shell though others usually help you come out of it quickly enough.

Some people are also just deliberately awkward to the new guys and you could have just got a few of these types in one place!

I hope your situation does improve, it's not nice to be left out no matter what age you are.

It doesn’t sound nice.

But you haven’t been there long, and it sounds like you’ve missed a couple of key social events, which are the bonding that brings teams together, and allows people to get to know each other.

It’s definitely a two-way street. They need to include you (or at least they should), but you need to make the effort, too.

I get that you were sick / on holiday - that couldn’t be helped.

But moving forward, hopefully there will be more opportunities to join in.

And joining in isn’t just being present, but contributing to the conversation and making overtures yourself.

This can be hard. But it’s always the difference between people who gel with others more easily, and those who don’t.

So sorry you are feeling this way. Have the rest of them been there a long time? Sometimes it takes a long time to stop being the ‘new’ person. Also, are they a lot younger/older - if they don’t have busy family lives they may socialise more. Another thing may be if they work different hours (F/T v P/T or WFH).
I have experienced feeling like this (& to an extent still do). I’m P/T + have older kids & caring commitments so can’t do the things they do. I also find it hard to make chat & either seem too keen & nosey, or too quiet! I used to get sad when I felt left out of chats/goss (on few occasions I tried to join in, but felt awkward). Strangely when I consciously stopped trying so hard, it got easier! I would also say ‘can you forward me that’ or ‘did you include me in the email, or will I send another’ - sweetly of course, just incase it was a genuine oversight.
Of course, they could maybe just be ‘clique-ish’ in which case, do you really want to be any more than colleagues! Keep being professional, friendly + polite, say ‘Hi, how are you’ to them, but above all don’t let them get to you. Good luck!