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AIBU?

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Original poster

4 year old DD saying she has one friend

11 replies

Strawmite · 16/03/2022 19:24

DD has one close friend in her class that she’s been close with since nursery (they are 4). Her friend is currently off school with covid and DD came home today and cried saying she had no one to play with. She says no one would let her play and no one wanted to play her games. I don’t really believe this as her recent parents evening they said she’s v sociable with lots of friends and she’s been invited to a few parties (mainly whole class) and I see her playing with different kids, but she is quite reliant on this friend.
Would you say something to the teacher tomorrow morning? Should I encourage wider friendship group with play dates etc? She’s august born so we will have a party but not until the end of the year and I’m worried she will have missed out on other friendships. I also know her best friends parents are planning on moving back to Spain with her within the next 18 months (haven’t told DD) so I’m mindful I’d like to encourage other friendships so this isn’t too sad for her, but I also don’t want to be a mad interfering mum.
WWYD?

OP posts:
Embracelife · 16/03/2022 19:28

Maybe she is just missing her froend
Say
It s sad your friend wasn't there
Let s draw her a picture

3Daddy31982 · 16/03/2022 19:31

Her friend will get better and come back.

Maybe out her down for Rainbows

3Daddy31982 · 16/03/2022 19:32

Maybe put her name down for Rainbows

ReacherMargrave · 16/03/2022 19:33

Speak to the class teacher I had this with my DD6 start of year 1 and the teacher encouraged other children to play with her and now she has lots of different children to play with. I get told a different name most days lol.

WishIwasElsa · 16/03/2022 19:33

My dd is 5 now, but I think emotions feel big when they are small. She would sometimes tell me she had a terrible day at nursery over something seemingly quite small. Just be supportive, is there any clubs she could join with other children from the class in. Encourage friendships but not in a forced way.

MsTSwift · 16/03/2022 19:35

Invite other girls over for tea. Dd1 and her best friend were both july / August birthdays and went to school as friends and only played together. Turned out dd1 thought you had one friend and that was it 😁. They branched out naturally in year 2 but remained a lovely friendship until year 8 when as teens they joined different tribes - but was a positive thing for years .

Deliaskis · 16/03/2022 19:41

I'd try and chat with the teacher but not as an urgent thing. We had something similar and the teacher's perspective was really helpful. DD did broaden her friendship group quite easily as time went on.

Two things that I learnt:

  • 5 mins on their own feels like a lifetime to young children, and so I wouldn't assume she's silent e.g. a while lunchtime on her own. It might have been a very short time.
  • 'nobody would play with me'.... when DD said this it turned out after some probing that nobody would play her precise game, and she probably could have just run along with what the others were doing but didn't want to, or wanted to change it when the others were enjoying it as it was. Some of this is just learning to play with other kids and how sometimes you get to decide and sometimes others do. Not saying this is what happened with your DD but it certainly was with mine.

It feels horrible when it happens, and you think they are isolated and alone, but that might not be the case.

I'd have an informal chat with the teacher, maybe if there's a parents' evening coming up, about how she thinks DD is doing socially and if there are any concerns.

Bdhntbis · 16/03/2022 19:43

My same age DD is very reliant on one friend and the teacher is aware of this and often puts her in different groups to encourage other friendships and I have also tried to organise play dates with other children to develop these

Original poster
Strawmite · 16/03/2022 19:45

Thanks everyone. @Deliaskis that definitely rings true- I think DD sometimes has a specific game she wants to do (usually some bizarre role play thing Grin) and if others don’t want to play she just mopes about a bit.
Thanks for all the replies- it’s not so much about her good friend as I know she will be back soon but I’ll definitely organise a few play dates and gently encourage play with others. I’ll also have a quick chat with the teacher at drop off and ask her to keep an eye.

OP posts:
UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 16/03/2022 19:48

@Deliaskis

I'd try and chat with the teacher but not as an urgent thing. We had something similar and the teacher's perspective was really helpful. DD did broaden her friendship group quite easily as time went on.

Two things that I learnt:

  • 5 mins on their own feels like a lifetime to young children, and so I wouldn't assume she's silent e.g. a while lunchtime on her own. It might have been a very short time.
  • 'nobody would play with me'.... when DD said this it turned out after some probing that nobody would play her precise game, and she probably could have just run along with what the others were doing but didn't want to, or wanted to change it when the others were enjoying it as it was. Some of this is just learning to play with other kids and how sometimes you get to decide and sometimes others do. Not saying this is what happened with your DD but it certainly was with mine.

It feels horrible when it happens, and you think they are isolated and alone, but that might not be the case.

I'd have an informal chat with the teacher, maybe if there's a parents' evening coming up, about how she thinks DD is doing socially and if there are any concerns.

OMG is your DD my DD? This is 100% our dynamic right now. Thank you for articulating it so clearly.
seashoreone · 01/05/2023 13:40

@Deliaskis just wanted to jump in this thread and say thank you for writing that!
I'm having the same issues with my DD at the moment who is 4.5years.
She says "nobody will play in the swing or slide with me"
And tells me that just before bedtime!!! And you feel awful...
Unpacking it more...it could well be just a small moment where somebody didn't want to play her game at that moment ...

Thank you for your insight 🙏

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