Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member holding on to something that belongs to DF

16 replies

LadySherlock · 16/03/2022 12:32

I've recently been appointed sole attorney for my DF (who has dementia) for both property and financial affairs and health and welfare. My sister was being obstructive at the time we knew an LPA would be required whilst he still had capacity to appoint attorney/s. Therefore my father asked me to do it on my own as I have dealt with his affairs for 15+ years.

My sister took a box of all his finance paperwork at the time there were discussions about setting the LPAs up, about six months ago. She won't give me the paperwork back now that I have been appointed. I've explained I need it in order to notify organisations of the LPA. She keeps using delay tactics e.g. I'll give it you next week, but when that time comes she still won't give it back.

I really don't know where to turn for help in getting it back so I can do my job as attorney.

Has anyone had a similar situation? My DH and I have thought for a few years now that she is having some sort of breakdown. She is happy to pass health professionals etc onto me to deal with when he's in hospital etc but for some reason she is being obstructive over this paperwork. I have said I will give it her back once I've done what I need to.

OP posts:
TopCatTheMostEffectual · 16/03/2022 12:53

There are many reasons why she could be obstructive (Illness, theft, resentment, bloody mindedness).

All you can do is doorstep her without warning, brook no prevarication, and do not leave until you get what you need.

unfortunateevents · 16/03/2022 13:08

Yes, as per the above poster, do you live close enough to just turn up when you know she will be home and take the paperwork? If not and this paperwork is essential to enable you to act at attorney, it may actually be worth taking a day or whatever amount of time and just travelling to wherever she lives.

Onlyhuman123 · 16/03/2022 13:22

just had a thought; you don't think she's had some money away from investments or something do you?! Shock hence the fobbing off....

Onlyhuman123 · 16/03/2022 13:23

or using his bank account etc? eek....

Original poster
LadySherlock · 16/03/2022 13:41

@Onlyhuman123

just had a thought; you don't think she's had some money away from investments or something do you?! Shock hence the fobbing off....
No I don't think that is the case. Everything appears ok from what recent post DF has received.
OP posts:
SpiderinaWingMirror · 16/03/2022 13:45

Could you suggest that she comes to you/you go to her to sort through it all together?
I empathise. I have the same power, with my sister as back up. Dbro lives thousands of miles away so he isn't on it. I had no idea how much this upset him. He feels left out of decisions. I have promised him that he will details of all investments etc and coats and will ask for views on the other stuff. I will have final say if we can't agree.

Original poster
LadySherlock · 16/03/2022 13:45

@TopCatTheMostEffectual

There are many reasons why she could be obstructive (Illness, theft, resentment, bloody mindedness).

All you can do is doorstep her without warning, brook no prevarication, and do not leave until you get what you need.

Problem with that is that she is bloody-minded enough to sit it out. For years now she has kept her front window curtains closed. She ignores knocks on the door and answering her phone. Once, a few years ago, our parents were going to call the police because she didn't/wouldn't answer the door. Neighbour rang her and she confirmed she was in but wouldn't speak to parents or let them in the house. Last time I did go in (once in last 10 years) I did wonder about mental health issues due to the state of the place.
OP posts:
BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 16/03/2022 13:49

Can you not replace the documents?
Can you try and replace as much as you can? Any financial documents could be ordered from the bank.

TopCatTheMostEffectual · 16/03/2022 14:00

Aah ok maybe a hoarding issue. If so very difficult to address.

I agree with other posters. Sidestep the problem by going through the bank statements to see where money is coming from, and just get replacement documents as and when you can.

Can your DF be relied upon at all to remember where any pensions, savings, ISAs are invested?

Chloemol · 16/03/2022 14:13

Just go to the bank, building society or whatever and get duplicate documents

You can contact utilities etc direct

youdoyoutoday · 16/03/2022 14:20

Can you get copies from whoever these documents relate to?

Your sister sounds nuts!

Tothemoonandbackx · 16/03/2022 15:45

I'd be tempted to ask her why she feels the need to keep hold of them.

NewtoHolland · 16/03/2022 15:47

Perhaps letting her know that your solicitor will have to be in touch if not retuned within 48hrs or similar?

queenrollo · 16/03/2022 17:25

If the house is a state and she has mental health issues, could it be that she doesn't actually know where they are? Putting it bluntly, is she a hoarder?
Or maybe even that she knows where they are but there is a psychological reason for her not to want to hand them over.

2catsandhappy · 16/03/2022 17:55

Is she in denial perhaps? Refusing to hand over paperwork to slow down the part where you take over. Maybe in her head your dad is strong vibrant and capable and she does not want to see his dementia.
Probably best to source duplicates and keep her up to date as you go.

TreatTrimTame · 17/03/2022 12:36

if her place is a state could she have lost the paperwork and be stalling you?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread