AIBU - backchat

[addsugartotaste]

7 year old son is going through a phase of disrespectful backchat. If hungry or tired, he can growl and shout at me 'You should have done this Mummy...'

I reply to rudeness with a firm 'We do not talk like that/if you talk to me like that again, you will have XYZ toy/treat removed'

DH will say in a soft and low voice...'Please don't say that. It's not very nice' and walk away or even hug my son when my son puts a face on (which gives the wrong message).

I end up getting cross because I'm the bad cop and it's all getting inconsistent.

I have asked him to be clearer in his discipline and he says he will try but I feel he doesn't give my son consistent consequences so it's all a bit blurred. We are working hard on this but it's the usual trying not to come across as me telling him what to do.

Background : his own father left when he was 2 and my father was an alcoholic who didn't discipline me.

He's an extremely loving Dad who spends a lot of time with him and does loads to help out with looking after them and the housework.

You need to sit down with DH and agree on an approach. Neither of you are right or wrong but you need consistency.

The hugging is a problem but otherwise it doesn't sound too bad if he usually just walks away.

YY, I have similar with DP. It really irritates me that she'll often threaten dire consequences but won't follow through, so it becomes inconsistent and, as you find, I'm the bad cop.

I think it is just one of those things where, because you've both had absent/inadequate parenting yourselves, it's that bit harder to do the right thing automatically and you just need to keep talking to each other.

If your DP gets that it's something that isn't working and gets that he needs to put a bit more effort in to be consistent, I don't think there's much else to do but stick to your guns.

Out of interest, how does/would your DP react if the rudeness were directed towards him? Is he the same?

I would say what you say but I wouldn't threaten to take away something. He's 7 and still learning. If you take things away for backchat you're going to have a very hard time when he's a teenager.

Zombie

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