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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to feel anxious about mil

4 replies

Av0bo55 · 16/03/2022 06:44

So last time she visited she made some comments I don’t like and I pulled her up on them to be told that I better not start on her and she’d leave! She didn’t
But when she left she totally blanked me and said bye to dgc and dh only
I feel this is childish and to get annoyed about me pulling her up on unkind comments few examples; such as patting dh and saying you need to lose weight (and she’s actually massively overweight)
And to say get some proper cups please for dgc plastic ones are disgusting
And then says you must be free first week in August because I’ve arranged a family get together (we already had a week in Spain booked and she didn’t know) then she starts saying it doesn’t matter one day you’ll be bothered to come see us all in a very angry way and didn’t ask any questions of our booked holidays and couldn’t be happy for us! That’s how it felt anyway
She had also bought the dgc seeets and was angry saying they couldn’t eat them because I’d said no! But actually the dgc had told her they weren’t allowed sugary snacks between meals only after as a pudding
So Aibu here I feel my anxiety is sky high every time she’s due to come
And dh he seems more tollerant than me and just ignores her however he has admitted that she’s getting worse in his opinion and I’ve noticed he’s calling her less than he did and trying to dissuade her visit to less (she often drops it on us that she’s coming and gets really emotional with dh if he tries to say it’s not convenient) any tips in dealing with awkward mil and how to try and improve these visits?
For extra content before covid visits were every two weeks ish full day or weekend and now are probably more once a month.
She Lives one hour away and split up with her partner around 4-5 years ago
He left her!
She has a dd that has a child too but lives 8 hours away so only sees them around twice a year
Not sure if any of that’s relevant just a bit of background information
Thanks

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 16/03/2022 06:48

If he wants her to come then your best option is to be out

girlmom21 · 16/03/2022 06:53

How often does she actually visit?

It sounds likely she's lonely and she wants to see and spoil her grandchildren. If it's once a month or every 6 weeks a couple of sweets before dinner isn't going to hurt.

How often do you visit her?

Campervangirl · 16/03/2022 06:59

Next time she wants to come your DH either says no and doesn't give in or reminds her that when she left last time she didn't say goodbye to you.
Tbh the comments don't sound too horrendous unlike some of the mil posts on MN, her saying "don't start with me" would get my back up though.
DH needs to say "dm, the last time you stayed you made some unnecessary comments, you were rude to dw and then you left and said goodbye to dgc and I but completely ignored dw, this is unacceptable. This is dw home and I won't allow her to feel uncomfortable. You need to apologise or we won't be able to host you again"
You both need to show a united front or she's going to think she's allowed to behave how she likes.
Personally if anyone was rude to me in my home they wouldn't get over the threshold again.

miltonj · 16/03/2022 07:24

Yeah if someone blanked me/was deliberately ignorant and rude to me on my home, they wouldn't be coming in again. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

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