Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

When, if ever, is it ok to fall asleep while holding your child?

37 replies

MarianosOnHisWay · 15/03/2022 23:16

So obviously it’s a big no-no to fall asleep while holding your 3 month old.

But if you had a poorly 10 year old fall asleep on you, it’s probably ok for you to fall asleep too?

So where does the cut off come? Is it ok to fall asleep holding a sleeping 5 year old? 3 year old?

My just turned 1 year old has never slept through the night, is not a very good sleeper at all and on the worst nights I need to sit up holding her for part/most of the night (DP also taking a turn). And I’m looking forward hopefully to a time when I might be able to cuddle her while she sleeps on me and I lay my head back on my support pillow and drift off myself…

Maybe the day will come that she stays in her cot and sleeps through the night before the age where it would be ok to drift off holding her. However my older DD didn’t sleep through til 3yo. I’m back at work now and pretty exhausted.

OP posts:

Instawhat · 16/03/2022 07:30

If I was sitting up in bed or on the sofa holding them, then no I wouldn't want to fall asleep because, as another pp said, of the likelihood of me dropping them when falling asleep. Is there any reason you can't lie down in bed and let her sleep propped up on your arm so her head is on your shoulder?
I definitely wouldn't do it if I was exhausted though, that seemed more risky to me.

When you say you need to hold her up so she can sleep is that because of illness or a regular thing? The obvious easy way to have them slightly up safely is in the buggy next to me whilst I slept on the sofa, but I only ever did this as a one off if they were ill and couldn't get to sleep flat.

MrsGHarrison87 · 16/03/2022 07:57

I'd try and get out of the habit of this. You'll both sleep better as a result. You're not going to want a 5 year old sleeping on you.

RedHelenB · 16/03/2022 08:01

@MarianosOnHisWay

So obviously it’s a big no-no to fall asleep while holding your 3 month old.

But if you had a poorly 10 year old fall asleep on you, it’s probably ok for you to fall asleep too?

So where does the cut off come? Is it ok to fall asleep holding a sleeping 5 year old? 3 year old?

Can't get my breath on this one. Mother doesn't equal martyr, you need your sleep.

blobby10 · 16/03/2022 08:45

One of my fondest memories of my youngest was at 3 days old and still in hospital after C Section, she wouldn't settle. I lay back on the bed with her on my chest and woke up a couple of hours later with her still snoozing peacefully! I was horrified that she might have slipped off me and then the bed! When I mentioned it to the (rare) nurse/midwife, she told me not to worry it was lovely to see!

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 16/03/2022 08:53

I had one who refused to be put down, so slept with them in my arms from day 1. I worried so much about it but felt there was no other option until a very lovely GP reassured me that breastfeeding mothers basically sync with their sleeping babies and will wake if something’s wrong. I sort of propped myself up in a pillow nest with my arms supported so baby wouldn’t slip. That sleep felt glorious after nights of tears and stress! And a one-year-old will absolutely let you know if they’re not comfortable.

luxxlisbon · 16/03/2022 09:17

I sleep holding my 8 month old and did it from 7 months. She’s having horrendous time cutting 2 more teeth and won’t sleep without being held. She can control her head, sit up and crawl so I feel totally safe doing it. I just make sure I put a pillow under my arm so it doesn’t drop and that way she can’t move.

Personally I wouldn’t see it as risky at all with a 1 year old.

Original poster

MarianosOnHisWay · 16/03/2022 10:09

Thank you so much to those who also have difficult sleepers, who do the same and understand.

Thank you also for the comments from those suggesting sleep training or cry it out etc but they aren’t for me.

OP posts:

SartresSoul · 16/03/2022 10:10

I fell asleep with newborn DS on me and 20 month old beside me, DH was sitting beside us wide awake so nothing happened except a rather flattering photo…

user1493494961 · 16/03/2022 10:28

If you don"t want to do any form of sleep training then carry on sitting up half the night.

Namechangeforthis88 · 16/03/2022 10:43

I'm shocked by the people who can't see a problem with falling asleep holding a young baby/with baby on your lap.

Perfectly healthy babies have died from suffocation as a result of an exhausted parent dozing off holding the baby, it's heart breaking just thinking about it.

Your health visitors should have told you this.

I don't know for certain at what age it's safe, could ask HV or search on-line for reliable advice. It might be when they have the neck strength to reliably move their head should they need to as someone else said.

Namechangeforthis88 · 16/03/2022 10:44

Just because some people have done it and been fine doesn't make it safe. I wouldn't take a 1 in 10,000 risk with a little baby.

mightbealittlebitmad · 16/03/2022 10:49

I wouldn't want to fall asleep unprepared with a baby, probably under 2. I was never happy with the idea of co sleeping and luckily never had to but there is a massive difference between being prepared to sleep with a small baby than accidentally falling asleep.

If I was in actual danger of that happening I would have to try some sort of sleep training for their safety. Babies have died being accidentally suffocated etc.

My kids are 4 and 6 now so falling asleep with them on me wouldn't be an issue, I would be more concerned for my safety!

Flip

1 2