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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just be getting really down - dp and new job

6 replies

Deereemer · 15/03/2022 21:17

Dp and i have been together about 5 years. For lots of reason im not feeling my best, some ill health and issues with family. Dp who is very lovely and thoughtful, supportive and handsome, as well as someone other women have always commented on as being attractive, which is nice and never been a problem for me - its nice to be with someone attractive and ive never seen him flirty or sleezey.
Having gone from a male only environment, hes moved across to a new job in a very female environment and I've just started to feel really uncomfortable with how hes reacting to what is quite clearly a high level of female attention, who he calls mates. Hes been there 6 months. I should say he was sad before in his job and i want him to make friends on the job, i want him to feel confident and happy and i want happy, nice days for him.

What I was not expecting was WhatsApp groups, plans for nights out in different cities with his new friends, banter which from the little he's told me of is for sure is the kind of thing i would have done in early twenties at work (now early 30s,so is he) which is the age of most colleagues, ie sexual refs etc.

He was telling me today how great tiger balm was and that a really nice mate showed him how to use it and rubbed it on his temple. He told it in a kind of humble braggy way that honestly made me feel sick.

Hes usually a lovely bloke. I get that he should enjoy the heady beginning of being the minority. But this is 8 months in. I can't help feeling shit. Any advice would be welcomed. I do trust him but this is testing my patience as i feel I need to put boundaries in i shouldnt have to. and no end in sight as its long term job change.

OP posts:
longcoffeebreak · 15/03/2022 21:20

Sound horrible horrible for you, did you say anything about the humble -brag incident?

Deereemer · 15/03/2022 21:24

Tried to.
Defensive.

OP posts:
longcoffeebreak · 20/03/2022 18:46

Oh dear @Deereemer probably nothing to lose by saying your radar has gone off and you have concerns and get it out there as it sounds like he has lost himself in his little bubble of buzzing on getting attention

beattieedny · 20/03/2022 18:49

You clearly need to let him know how this is making you feel. By his reaction, you'll know if it's worth staying or not. And fgs, if you are going long term, get married. You're in the shit if you don't and he does fuck off.

Feedingthebirds1 · 20/03/2022 18:54

Has his behaviour/attitude around you changed? Is he less attentive or caring than he was? They would be red flags for me.

Sunshinedreaming2022 · 20/03/2022 19:03

I understand why you feel uncomfortable but you just need to tell him that and I’m sure he’ll make sure he keeps being attentive and reminding you that you come first. As long as you trust each other and he’s happy then you just have to learn to live with it. I get you though, my dh has always preferred working in female dominated environments, and his work mates are always female - I think he just doesn’t relate to the macho career driven testosterone world. He’s always been in retail or care work. There have been moments where I have felt very insecure but I also know when I’ve met his work mates all I ever hear is how much he talks about how great I am and puts me on some kind of pedestal. Maybe when they have a night out ask if you can tag along and meet them all as well, it might help settle the insecurities

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