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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I over reacting or should I end this friendship ?

12 replies

PLaurel · 15/03/2022 17:33

Hi all.. I know this lady two years - enough to go for a walk etc and one child similar age. She had a post builder house warming Sat and my youngest went over earlier than most adults for a bouncy castle. Issue is when I got over she was absolutely s faced falling all over the place with another woman in front of all children who were unsupervised and out of control running all over the house and put in front garden etc. Her husband and his pals were drinking too (not to same extent ). I was shocked that they could be so drunk at 4 in the afternoon and that they weren’t looking after children. I removed mine as did another neighbour. I didn’t join them later that evening. She texted me Sunday to say she was sorry I didn’t make Sat night and it was “great fun” and asked if I was free for a walk during the week. It’s the second time I’ve seen her behave like this - first time at a post Covid bbq and I thought ok post Covid release forget it but this time I’m like no it’s completely wrong and she’s crass. Am I just too conservative and should be more chilled ? I don’t want to even look at her - I thought her behaviour was horrible given she’s 44 and in front of young children (6 to 8 ).

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 15/03/2022 17:36

It sounds as though you don't have everything in common. You could keep her as a walking friend.

APineForestInWinter · 15/03/2022 17:37

If you enjoy going on walks etc you could still do that and avoid anything that might involve alcohol, but if you don't want to see her at all that's your prerogative. Either choice is fine, just do whatever suits.

lemonnandliime · 15/03/2022 17:38

I think you are over reacting and being a bit sensitive.

A one off party where things go a bit crazy isn't the end of the world as long as that isn't the normal day to day life the kids have.

It isn't good that kids were out on the front, if they are too young to be safety aware, but other than that I can't see any reason to not even want to look at her.

DDivaStar · 15/03/2022 17:41

Her behaviour doesn't sound great but you do seem very judgemental.

Perhaps just keep your contact to walks or if that won't really work distance yourself, you don't seem compatible.

WomanStanleyWoman · 15/03/2022 17:48

I don’t think you are really suited as friends. Maybe pull back slightly.

thepeopleversuswork · 15/03/2022 17:54

It depends... hard to know if she's only doing this once in a while at parties or if she's got a problem. Based on two occasions its hard to make a judgement on this. I don't see a huge problem with being a bit tipsy at an afternoon party once in a while.

If its every weekend maybe it is a problem. More context needed really.

lemongreentea · 15/03/2022 17:58

keep her as a walking friend and decline future invites.she sounds like she loves a drink and to get drunk and you dont. dont send your child to her house unsupervised as shes not responsible enough. no need for major drama or fall out.

Thisismynamenow · 15/03/2022 18:02

Sounds like a fun afternoon! 😂

Your sounding a little over sensitive, but if you don't think it'd appropriate then don't see her in a alcohol setting, just walk with her 🤷‍♀️

BOOTS52 · 15/03/2022 18:06

I would not like my child to be there also if someone was so drunk in the middle of the afternoon or any time when meant to be keeping an eye on the children. Maybe keep going for the walks with her but I would not be going to any of her drinking days/nights and if you do make sure you are there and leave before they are all pissed. She sounds like she has a drinking problem and nothing wrong with having a drink but to have so many children there and to be out of it I would not be happy at all.

BOOTS52 · 15/03/2022 18:09

I don't think you are being over sensitive at all. It depends on what some parents think are acceptable for their children to see. A parent having a drink and enjoying themselves nothing wrong with that but a big difference in falling over the place when meant to be looking after the children in the afternoon. I had a neighbour like that and felt so sorry for her small children as she used to be so drunk in afternoons and just thought how selfish.

PLaurel · 15/03/2022 18:54

Thanks everyone - great advice. I know I’m a bit uptight so am open to suggestions of chilling out. However my gut (which I’ve ignored for years as so busy ) is on fire lately and I’m learning to follow it. I think it’s fine to have a few drinks at a party but get a babysitter to mind kids etc so I think it shows a worrying lack of thought / care that I don’t want it or like in a friend. One of my long term friends would never behave like that in front of children- there was no one in a position to even get them a drink of water after all their bouncing. I shall reduce it to a “neighbour “ friendship and stay away from the drama. Thank you ladies. This site is great 😊

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 15/03/2022 19:34

6 - 8 year old kids can get themselves a glass of water though!

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