To think I’ve really messed up my life?

[ntsure]

I’m 30, absolutely no career or any idea what I’d even do for a career. I’ve only ever worked in shops and pubs but I can’t even do that atm because one DC (ASD) is only at school properly 3 days a week. And there’s always a chance there’s be an issue during those 3 days also.
Most of the people I see in similar situations to me seem to go on to do courses like nursing, social work, teaching etc but those just really aren’t a career option for me, a career based on talking to people and having good people skills isn’t something I could do, it’s just not something in capable of.
I could do an access course and then uni possibly but is there any point? I’d be 35 by the time I was done and I wouldn’t even know what course to do. And would anyone even hire a 35 year old with no experience?
I really just want to get a half decent job at some point and have a decent life for the kids. I feel so stuck. I’m a single parent so it’s just on me and I want better than this life for DC but I just don’t know how.
I’m hoping I’d be able to work full time in a few years when dc1 is in secondary school (and hopefully would be in school without issues then but who knows) so I’d like to use the time between now and then to be in a position to get a somewhat decentish job but I don’t even know where to start. My mental health is awful and I just feel like I don’t know how everyone manages life and I’m just seemingly incapable of basic things.

Have you thought about volunteering at all? I’m in the same boat, currently out of work, single parent too with my DD going to nursery 3 times a week but I’m due to start volunteering next month to give me a kick start back into employment in the near future. There’s lots of different types of companies that take on volunteers and it would give you recent experience to put on your CV!

Definitely do an access course - no rush to decide on a uni course as advisors at college can help you decide

Also you will get access to support services at college- counselling services

Do an access course. 35 is not to old to get into a new career, you have plenty of working years ahead of you.

Also, it’s never too late to do an access course.

Have a look if there is an adult education centre near you. There is one in my town and they help adults find work/get onto courses

Do you have ASD as well?

Definitely something to consider.

MissWired- I think it’s very likely, it was constantly mentioned when I was at school by teachers etc even as young as nursery aged, but my parents didn’t “believe” in things like that so was never assessed for it

You say you couldn't do a job that required good people skills/you're incapable of basic things/you have poor MH and have a child with ASD. Have you considered you might also have ASD too and that might be why you have struggled so much?
Be kinder to yourself OP and take some small steps, consider getting involved with the children's school on the PTA, as a volunteer listening to readers or something along those lines perhaps. It's a good way of getting you out there and something to put on a cv.

Sorry cross posted. I see it's likely, maybe consider getting yourself diagnosed if you think it would be a positive thing to help you understand yourself better.

Absolutely do the access course if there's something you know you'd like to do. 35 is still young! Be kind to yourself though. Sounds like you're dealing with quite a lot.

Agree re getting ASD diagnosis too. That might mean you can access more support through uni if you do decide to do that.

Hi OP, 35 is definately not too old to start a new career. I know you don't want to be a nurse, but as an example, I know people who started nurse training at 39. There are so many other avenues for you to go down. However, you are not emotionally well, and that is why everything looks hopeless to you. Have you sought help for this? If you address this first, you may be amazed at how different things appear, and how much more able you will be to recognise the opportunities that are there. If you are not already, make this your first step towards a brighter future.

I agree that I think a diagnosis would help you be kinder to yourself (I was diagnosed in my 30s and it certainly help me loads). I also have ADHD and meds have helped so much, I can't even describe how much better I function.

For retraining, absolutely do it. I am looking at switching careers and have been looking at bookkeeping, proofreading and cyber security. I am looking for ASD-friendly, and low contact!

It is really hard what you're doing. It's normal that you're struggling. If you are neurodivergent, it is the way you are born and the world you are trying to navigate is not set up for people like us. This is not our fault.

The neurodiverse mumsnetters board would be a good place to ask about retraining too - self-diagnosed mumsnetters welcome!

Is there anything you're particularly interested in? Just from reading over your post I thought maybe something coding/IT related. Seems to be a growing industry and there are many courses available, some of which are funded. I seen a company advertising on Facebook offering courses for free specifically for women. I can't remember the name though. The money seems good, there are options for wfh and remote working, good progression opportunities and minimal face to face interaction. I think alot of companies will be offering more wfh opportunities in the future so it is something to consider if there are childcare restraints.

You sound very down but the world of work is changing so much. People are doing jobs now that didn't exist 5-10 years ago. The Internet has opened up alot of possibilities, I know lots of people that run businesses online and are doing pretty well with it (ie able to support themselves). I'm not talking about mlm or anything like that, things like data entry, virtual assistant type jobs, graphic design, some have blogs that make money through advertising, all sorts of different things.