To think she should be given the date

[Tevion28]

Colleague at work who nobody likes but who I sort of get along with but she can also do my head in at times she has caused trouble over non issues amongst the staff as well.
We recently had a colleague who passed away suddenly who this woman was always talking about and the lady who died didn't like her either. Anyway so she wants to go to our colleagues funeral has her outfit ready etc but none of the other staff want her to go and they are keeping the date a secret and leaving her out of car arrangements etc but I don't feel comfortable keeping it from her what do you think.

I do not know why she wants to go to the funeral, but presumably she has her reasons. It is not for your colleagues to vet or approve who goes to another colleague’s funeral.

What has this collegue actually done to make everyone hate her? You have just said they have caused trouble over non issues and she sometimes does your head in. Yet everyone is excluding her from knowing the date which seems pretty extreme. Unless shes done some really nasty stuff it just looks like bullying.

What has this collegue actually done to make everyone hate her? You have just said they have caused trouble over non issues and she sometimes does your head in. Yet everyone is excluding her from knowing the date which seems pretty extreme. Unless shes done some really nasty stuff it just looks like bullying.

@Tevion28

She has found out about the date from a outside source now which is a relief to me tbh.

A funeral is open to anyone. Instead of engaging in a petty attempt at subterfuge why don’t you tackle the woman about her attitude.

It sounds like years of being a cow have come back to bite her on the arse. I’d put money on her not giving a damn about your deceased colleague - but caring a hell of a lot about being involved in what she sees as the big news in your office.

Funerals IMO, have always been for the living rather than for the dead.

For the living who cared about the person; who valued them and their relationship. Not for some hanger-on who didn’t like the deceased in the first place and just wants to be part of it all (and get their snout in the trough at the same time).

Maybe they had a love/ hate relationship and your colleague would really like to pay her respects. It won't end well if funeral goes ahead without her as she will find out.

@ImAvingOops

If my loved one died, I wouldn't want someone at the funeral who had bitched about them when they were alive. No sympathy here for bitchy colleague. Being frozen out might make her think about her own behaviour and what she's done to get to this point.

You don't get to choose. And anyway, you'll be dead so you don't need to worry about it!

I see it's sorted now, but in the same scenario I would have said give her the date, but only if directly asked.

In my culture we say everyone has a right to say their last goodbyes. No one should be barred from a funeral. Petty squabbles are nothing compared to the finality and enormity of death. Just because the woman didn't get on that well with the deceased colleague doesn't mean they were mortal enemies and she doesn't feel anything, unless she's some kind of robot. The only reason I'd say don't tell her is if you think there's any possibility she'd kick off and cause a ruck, but nothing you've said suggests that, so personally I'd tell her the date.

I was going to say that it will eventually come out that you all went and didn't include her, which will not make for a happy workplace. However now she knows the date I suggest you take her with you.

You don't get to choose. And anyway, you'll be dead so you don't need to worry about it!

So relatives don’t get an input? Of course the dead don’t actually know who ends up going - but wouldn’t we all prefer to die without worrying that the people we leave behind will have to deal with shit at the funeral?

We get very few days in our lives where we get to call the shots. One day in death isn’t too much to ask.