I don't know what you're allowed to say on Mumsnet so I'll keep it as general and non-graphic as possible!
TW: I was in a relationship for 3.5 years which involved coercive control, bullying, gaslighting (in the true sense of the word), and s**l violence. I didn't "save myself" from the relationship, eventually he left me for someone else - thank god! But even that was traumatic. We lived together AND worked together, as did the person he cheated on me with. He started a PR campaign against me at work and amongst our friends, basically saying that I was crazy. I started getting bullied by a former mutual friend I was working on a project with, because he told her I was lazy and only watched TV when I worked from home (not true, and he'd have no way of knowing as we didn't work from home on the same days). His new girlfriend also started spreading completely implausible rumours about me, but it made no difference. I basically kept my mouth shut which people interpreted as being cold, and I STILL got in trouble for "helping to create drama" (as did she - but he didn't). I eventually had to leave my job, house, town, friendships, belongings (he basically took everything since we weren't married). I lived in my car for a while, and then I moved back in with my parents.
I felt like an utter failure and spiralled into depression for a few years. I had s**dal thoughts and urges. I worked REALLY hard with therapists and counsellors and finally I can say I am in good mental health! We broke up in 2013 so it's been a long road. I now have my own house (owned - mortgage), dream job, & baby on the way. I feel empowered and self-reliant and independent and strong. I feel uncaged and free and everything I always wanted to feel. Literally everything in this building is mine, I did it, nobody could take it away from me. I've done everything he ever thought I couldn't. I can genuinely say I love my life right now.
But my friends just... don't get it? And that makes me wonder if I'm missing something?
It's true that the trigger for the way I live was trauma, that's undeniable. I'm not pretending I wasn't deeply traumatised, and thinking about that time still makes me upset. But it's as if through surviving trauma and abuse I stumbled on a way of life that is truly free, that really suits me, and I am happy in a way I have never been at any other point in my life. I'm not too scared to live another kind of life, I just don't have any desire to anymore.
But they say things like "Oh, you'll find someone!" and if I say I don't want to find anyone they say "not every man is like Pete!"
Even some random guy who came to fix my stairs told me I needed a man about the house, and gave me this huge look of pity. I don't get why anyone would pity me though?
I'm going to have to tell my friends I'm pregnant at some point, though they didn't really like the idea of me using a donor when I floated the idea a few years ago. This was my Plan A not my Plan B but it's hard to make people understand...
Am I missing something? Is it unreasonable to actively want to live like this, which seems to be my friends' worst nightmare?! Does anyone else choose to be single?