To be scared of my growing business after months of serious debt

[justwantittostop]

Over a year ago I got my family into serious debt after my partner lost his job and my ‘business’ failed. I had just had a baby and I was working non-stop to try to make ends meet but instead we ended up in serious debt because of stupid decisions. It was a really scary, depressing time and I had already been diagnosed with postpartum depression. I had always been a freelancer before that, five days a week, and thought ‘I can do XYZ on my own’ and it failed. Nothing more to say on that except I feel huge guilt and feel like I let my family down.

My partner was also depressed and after a few months struggling and relying on family help (which I know we were SO lucky to have) I decided to give things another go - still in my industry, but on the other side of it if that makes sense. A year on and while we’re still in debt (which I am paying off) I am running a very successful business, have employed two really lovely helpful people, and... I hate it. I am more anxious than ever. Struggling massively with being on the verge of panic attacks and having horrible thoughts again.

I can’t manage the stress of it at all on my own. My partner is with our DS in the day and I am trying to manage being a mum and a business owner together. I’ve set boundaries with my work hours, I don’t work weekends, again I am LUCKY to be able to do this. I know that. But I can’t switch off. Every waking moment is a worry or a scary thought that something bad is going to happen. There is so much to think about all of the time. While I don’t have the doom of debt letters and threats coming through my door anymore, I feel more anxious and depressed than ever. I spend so much time just overthinking and waiting for things to go wrong.

I have a lovely accountant through an agency that helps me with everything money wise, but I don’t know what to do in terms of managing this anxiety and owning a business that is eating away at me.

I’m also being referred for an autism assessment at the moment and struggle to understand things that aren’t black and white and it’s really overwhelming.

What can I do to manage this, what should I do? I want to provide for my family but I also don’t want to feel like this.

I’ve asked DP to help many times and he always says he will but he’s never made an attempt to, so I’ve stopped asking.

Again I know I’m lucky to not be in the position I was in anymore, but I don’t feel it. And that sounds really really ungrateful but it’s just too much for me to manage and I just want a break from the constant thoughts and worries and panic attacks.

Sorry for the long post. Any advice is welcome, thank you

Has your partner got a job now? You may have lost your first business but he lost his job too, so why is the debt only your responsibility?

Can you delegate more of the work to either employee or hire a manager to run day to day things you struggle with?

No he hasn’t, he looks after DS during the week although he’s due to go to a new nursery within the next two weeks. But even when DS was in a previous nursery he wasn’t working. I know the debt is not my sole responsibility but it feels like it because it was my business that took us under. I can’t afford to hire anyone else otherwise I absolutely would

Your business is doing well but you're well aware of what it can be like if things go wrong and you've been through something seriously traumatic at a vulnerable time. So it's natural you feel this way.
Personally I would see if there are resources available to help you through this as the problem isn't your skills or your business plan it's your overwhelming (and completely understandable) feelings.
I recall there are peer support groups out there for female business proprietors, I just had a quick Google and a number of results came up possibly worth exploring. If you had a sounding board (cos you can't share this with your employees really) and a mentor you might find that some guidance and relief of pressure of doing it all within yourself is enough for you to get to a point where you are feeling strong again and you move on from that horrible time.

Then in a couple of weeks when DS goes to nursery, your DP can either go get a job or help you.
Why hasn't he bothered getting another job?

Ask your GP for a referral for CBT.

Your DP needs to step up. I tried running a business and I couldn’t hack it. If your DC is in nursery he needs to get a job and contribute financially, not watch while you go under.

Thank you for the advice @TopCatsTopHat I have been thinking about getting a mentor but wondered whether I’d be too much for them with how I feel. I’ll definitely have a look at the resources. I still have flashbacks to that time and I think you’re right in still having those feelings. Thank you

I had CBT after my son was born and it did help but I think I need to try it again as I stopped halfway due to finding the exposure therapies too painful. I’ll definitely have a look back into this.

And what I want is for my partner to help with the business but even that feels overwhelming to me

Your husband needs to get a job too. Is he seriously looking ?

You’d feel less anxious if the business wasn’t the sole source of income and you had something to fall back on. Your husband joining the business won’t achieve that but your husband getting a comfortable earning job will.

Can you get a mentor?
I am a Business Mentor with a lot of experience and I work in-house now so I’m not touting for Business here.
I do some pro bono work too so if you want to message me I would be happy to see if I can help.
Your local council may have people who can help as well or you could ask your Accountant

I completely agree the hardest part of being a single parent and running a business is that it’s all on my shoulders when I was married I actually learnt more money because I took more risks because I feel able to knowing that we will still be able to wait if my risks didn’t paid off. Do you need psychologically do not have all your eggs in one basket

You mention having a great accountant that helps with the money side of things then immediately mention anxiety. Are you nervous about not really understanding the figures? Would doing a course in finance/basic accounting male you feel more confident?